CANDY: Heath is hopeless for the gay stuff.

Screen Notes

Opening to the public today with a slate of six independent and foreign films, Living Room Theaters (341 SW 10th Ave.) looks to be quite the evening out. Operating in the building that once housed the Panorama nightclub, the theater serves a menu of tapas, along with a full list of wine and cocktails. Seats in the screening rooms—plush chairs and love seats—can be moved about to create group experiences. (Liquor and loose love seats: should make for some memorable late shows.) And a full bar in the lobby, complete with a glass wall and a fireplace, means that getting a drink after the movie won't require looking for a taxi. Mornings at Living Room look promising as well: The theater plans to dedicate a screening room to CNN broadcasts while serving coffee in the lounge. But the most innovative aspect of Living Room is its abandonment of the traditional celluloid reels in favor of fully digital projection. This will allow the theater to screen local and obscure filmmakers' works simply by slipping in a copy of the DVD. AARON MESH.

NOW SHOWING

13 (Tzameti)

The torture flick goes all arthouse, as a young Frenchman is trapped in a deadly tournament. Living Room Theaters, 341 SW 10th Ave., (971) 222-2010.

*NEW* Agnes and His Brothers

Three brothers (one of whom has become a sister) deal with the legacy of their father. In German, with subtitles. Living Room Theaters, 341 SW 10th Ave., (971) 222-2010.

Apocalypto

For the sake of criticism, let's try to forget that Mel Gibson doesn't particularly like a certain Chosen People. Let's focus on what Gibson does like: epic stories about heroes driven by vengeance, drenched in blood and loaded with human sacrifice (literal and symbolic). Apocalypto, Crazy Mel's long-delayed film set during the decline of Mayan culture, is what you'd expect from Gibson. It's a big, ambitious story that begins as the Mayans, fearing obliteration by the plague, commit thousands of human sacrifices to appease the gods (thank Christ he found a conflict the Jews didn't start). The unlucky hero is Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngbloood), whose village is ransacked, its survivors carted off to the slave market and the blood-soaked sacrificial altar. Facing dismemberment, Jaguar Paw struggles to get home to his pregnant wife-in-peril, resulting in a chase-through-the-jungle adventure that overindulges in gruesome killings (each death, from a man's face being chewed by a jaguar to a spurting head wound, is grislier than the last). Gibson keeps the storytelling simple—it's way less complicated than the all-Mayan dialogue would let on. It's a tense film, but what Apocalypto really lacks is heart, resulting in a beautiful, gruesome and fairly unpleasant look at a culture long lost. R. AP KRYZA. Fox Tower, Lloyd Cinema, Eastport, Division, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.

*NEW* The Big Lebowski

[SHORT RUN] The Dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there, the Dude, takin' her easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals. R. Clinton Street Theater. 7 and 9:15 pm, Friday through Dec. 28. 4 pm matinee Christmas Day.

*NEW* Bill Plympton's Secret Animation Show

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] Portland animator Bill Plympton (he created Kanye West's "Heard 'Em Say" video last year) presents a program of never-before-seen cartoons as a Christmas gift to his hometown. It's not a secret anymore, so hop to it. Mission Theater and Pub, 1624 NW Glisan St., 223-4527. 10 pm Friday, Dec. 22. $3.

*NEW* Black Christmas

God rest you merry, co-eds. Not screened for critics. Opens Christmas Day, call theaters for showtimes.

Blood Diamond

"Throughout the history of Africa," a G-8 summit delegate intones at the start of Blood Diamond, "whenever a new resource is discovered, the locals die." And that's exactly what the natives of Sierra Leone do in this picture—they die by the scores in a deluge of machine-gun fire, victims of a civil war sparked by the area's gemstones. But Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou and Jennifer Connelly keep conveniently dodging the bullets, since only their continued search for a big pink stone guarantees that we get that most unwieldy of mixtures: the consciousness-raising action flick. There's no doubting the humanist intentions of director Edward Zwick (The Last Samurai), and for significant patches he achieves his goals. The presentation of child soldiers—kidnapped, doped with amphetamines and palm wine, and sent to slaughter whole villages—is efficiently nightmarish. Wandering through this hell, both DiCaprio (as a cynical smuggler) and Hounsou (a bereaved father) rise above their stock roles. But too much of Blood Diamond consists of running: running from the rebel teenagers, running from the government troops and finally, after 138 minutes of formulaic chase sequences and overwrought uplift, running for the exits. R. AARON MESH. Fox Tower, Lloyd Mall, Eastport, Division, Cedar Hills, Evergreen, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Borat has been referred to as a mockumentary because the title character is a fake journalist, supposedly gathering information for his supposed homeland, "the glorious nation of Kazakhstan". British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, who developed the character on Da Ali G Show, so seamlessly assumes his lighthearted, naive, anti-Semitic and homophobic Borat persona that he actually does produce a sort of journalism: one based on the limits of gullibility. Borat seems so ignorant, ridiculous and childlike that the people he meets feel comfortable abandoning any inhibitions they might normally have about their own quirks and prejudices. R. JASON SIMMS. Broadway, Lloyd Mall, Cinemagic, Tigard Cinemas.

*NEW* The Bridesmaid

Before you fall in love with a member of your sister's wedding party, you should make sure you aren't in a movie directed by Claude Chabrol. If you are, run. In French, with subtitles. Living Room Theaters, 341 SW 10th Ave., (971) 222-2010. 

*NEW* Candy

Dan's girl is pissed: She's been selling her body for heroin, and she wants him to pitch in his share of the prostitution. "I wouldn't know what to do," he mumbles in the bass tones of Heath Ledger. "I'm hopeless for the gay stuff." So, after his Brokeback experiment, Ledger has returned to playing straight roles—sexually, anyway—and Candy is a fairly standard tale of addiction. It's 30 minutes of ecstasy followed by more than an hour of punishment. Director Neil Armfield has a delicate eye for visuals (he and cinematographer Garry Phillips do some lovely things with dripping honey), while both Ledger and Abbie Cornish (as the titular love interest) strike original notes in their familiar characters. But you know a drug movie is in some trouble when it divides its narrative into three chapters titled "Heaven," "Earth" and "Hell." Once you get through "Earth," which includes a botched detox attempt and a horrifying miscarriage, you figure it can't get any worse. It does. R. AARON MESH. Fox Tower.

Casino Royale

Casino Royale, adapted from Ian Fleming's first Bond book, is arguably the best installment in the movie series since 1964's Goldfinger. While Daniel Craig looks more Steve McQueen than Sean Connery, he exudes suave charisma and an edginess previously unseen in the series. The serpentine plot pits Bond against Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen), a sadist who bankrolls terrorist organizations. To recover lost cash, Le Chiffre organizes a $10 million poker game at the Casino Royale in Montenegro, where, naturally, double-crosses, poisoned drinks and knife fights are part of the fun. Director Martin Campbell, who revived the Bond series with GoldenEye (1995), keeps it kinetic with action sequences and flashy cinematography. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Broadway, Lloyd Mall, Evergreen, Forest, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.  Charlotte's Web Hollywood's current craze for updating old classics with modern special effects has, in the case of the new live-action version of Charlotte's Web, panned out beautifully. The mixture of live animals, animatronics, and CGI creates a coterie of barnyard animals that is far more lively and lifelike than some members of the film's human cast. Dakota Fanning remains, as ever, a pampered little twit, and though her neurotic energy was perfect for War of the Worlds, her portrayal of Fern Arable is the one sour note in an otherwise good film. E.B. White's Fern is a warmhearted, stubborn little girl. Fanning's Fern is a petulant, self-righteous brat. I'd never thought I'd say this, but thank god for Julia Roberts, whose gentle and sensible voice overwhelms Fanning's irritating performance, and animates Charlotte better than any computer-generated arachno-wizardry ever could. Steve Buscemi is equally fantastic as Templeton the rat, and the voices of Andre Benjamin (from OutKast) and Reba McIntyre round out a well-chosen all-star cast. E.B. White's impeccably written and generously told tale of life, death, friendship and love in pastoral America remains as compelling as it ever was. G. KATE LEBO. Pioneer Place, Lloyd Mall, Roseway, Eastport, Division, Moreland, Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lake Twin, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.

Deck the Halls

Like many holiday-themed family comedies, neither funny nor particularly family-appropriate. The movie follows the travails of Matthew Broderick as Dr. Steven Finch—yes, we know it rhymes with "Grinch"—who we quickly learn is his tiny town's expert on all things Christmas-related. But his iron-fisted regime is endangered when the new neighbors move in next door. Bah, humbug! PG. FRANCESCA MONGA. Division, Movies on TV, Tigard-Joy.

DÉjÀ Vu

A standard Tony Scott exercise, which means utilizing the finest production values in service to the ugliest possible images—in this case, flaming corpses plunging into the Mississippi River. The movie would earn its place as an anti-masterpiece of emotional obscenity even without its central conceit: "an Einstein-Rosen bridge, a wormhole" that allows Denzel Washington to travel back in time, stop a terrorist's explosion, and save a pretty lady (Paula Patton) from torture and gasoline-dousing. PG-13. AARON MESH. Lloyd Mall, Division.

Down in the Valley

[SHORT RUN] Edward Norton thinks he's a cowboy, and tries to convince Evan Rachel Wood. Possible tack: "Hey baby, I'm a cowboy." R. Living Room Theaters, 341 SW 10th Ave., (971) 222-2010.

*NEW* Dreamgirls

Beyonce, Jamie Foxx and Eddie Murphy headline the R&B musical, but it's Jennifer Hudson who steals the show. See Byron Beck's review on page 41. PG-13. Eastport, Cedar Hills. Opens Christmas Day, call theaters for showtimes.

Eragon

Inevitably, every swords, sorcerers and dragons movie will be accused of aping The Lord of the Rings. But for all its similarities to LOTR—similarly named hero, cool monsters, hobbity gayness—Eragon is more like the Star Wars films (which, in turn, are just samurai westerns in space). Based on the teen-targeted series by Christopher Paolini—only 15 when he wrote the first book—Eragon tells the story of a farm boy (Edward Speleers, looking oh-so-Skywalker) whose destiny lies in a dragon's egg. See, long ago a clan of knightly dragon-riders (see: Jedi) protected the land—until an evil emperor (John Malkovich, hammier than an Egg McMuffin) wiped them out. When the egg hatches, Eragon becomes linked to a telekinetic dragon voiced by Rachel Weisz and flies off to fulfill a heroic prophecy with his own personal Obi-Wan (Jeremy Irons). Despite a clunky script and clunkier acting, Eragon manages to excite throughout, packed with some amazing special effects (and some really bad ones) and big battles. It's also the scariest and most violent PG-rated movie since PG-13 was invented. PG. AP KRYZA. Pioneer Place, Lloyd Cinema, Eastport, Division, Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.

For Your Consideration

Christopher Guest's (A Mighty Wind, This Is Spinal Tap) new comedy takes place on the set of a ludicrous film about a Jewish family in the South, and satirizes what can happen when actors find out they may have been nominated for the Oscars. The movie is filled with tired Tinseltown jokes, done up in Guest's trademark style. His usual crew of actors offer up some solid slapstick—Jennifer Coolidge is hilarious as a grotesquely exaggerated, ditzy producer, and Catherine O'Hara is excellent as the harried and thoroughly Botoxed actress Marilyn Hack. Ultimately, though, the film lacks the freshness of Guest's previous efforts. PG-13. STACY RIGER. Fox Tower, Hollywood Theatre.

The Fountain

Darren Aronofsky's newest phantasmagoria concerns a scientist named Tommy (Hugh Jackman) who, in hopes of curing his sick wife (the kittenish Rachel Weisz), spends his days searching for a cure for cancer. When a breakthrough in his work leads to the discovery of eternal life, Tommy is taken on a strange journey through life, death and rebirth. Beautiful imagery and cohesive artistic direction lend the film some potential—in an indie-rock music video-meets-Lord of the Rings sort of way. But as the story progresses, jerking you through Tommy's multiple lives as a modern-day scientist, Spanish conquistador and 26th-century astronaut, you may begin to feel like someone is playing an intricate practical joke. This suspicion becomes particularly acute during the final moments of the movie, when Tommy the futuristic astronaut, seated in lotus position, floats through space in an extended scene reminiscent of Pink Floyd at the IMAX, except a lot less cool. PG-13. STACY RIGER. Fox Tower.

Happy Feet

Nothing ruins a good talking-animal picture faster than mating season. The cuter the animated critters, the more uneasy the union: There's something cringe-inducing about watching Thumper and his girlfriend about to do it like rabbits. The embarrassment is multiplied in Happy Feet, an Antarctic adventure that plays like a remake of Footloose, with penguins and dirtier songs. So we are treated to the sight of emperors strutting across the ice, raising their beaks to the sky, and letting fly a chorus of "I Want Your Sex." (It somehow doesn't improve matters that the lyrics have been changed to "I want your eggs.") Parents will be faced with some unwanted questions about these birds and the bees—a pity, since Happy Feet also includes the most advanced and breathtaking images yet produced with computer animation. PG. AARON MESH. Lloyd Mall, Eastport, Cinemagic, Division, OMSI, Cedar Hills, Evergreen, Forest, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, Cinema 99.

The History Boys

What's the point of literature? Why study history? And why would anyone not British, an English major or a repressed gay man want to watch a movie about prep-school lads learning to love books while their teachers fall in love with them? The History Boys attempts to address the first questions, and while no single movie could ever hope to succeed in ending those two old debates, this gentle, exuberant wisp of a film wholly answers the third. There's a bit too much playing to the rafters here, and several scenes seem to pause so audiences can chortle at the literary references. But maybe that's part of the point: The students at this Sheffield secondary school are still at that stage where books are...well, a stage, a spring for self-indulgence and games of wit. But it's their aging, riotous, fat letch of a teacher (Richard Griffiths) who understands the real point of literature: Books can make you less lonely. And so, in its small way, can this movie. R. AARON MESH. Fox Tower.

The Holiday

It's no surprise that writer, director and producer Nancy Meyers (of Father of the Bride and Something's Gotta Give fame) has done up another heartwarming, sweepingly romantic and, yes, formulaic film. Her latest medley of stunning locales, witty dialogue and serendipitous meet-and-greets, The Holiday, packs in a bevy of interweaving stories. It connects the lives of two strangers on opposite sides of the pond, both looking to rid themselves of subpar relationships. Amanda (Cameron Diaz), a type-A Hollywood trailer producer, and Iris (Kate Winslet), a lovelorn British journalist, impulsively decide to swap houses for the winter holidays. Lo and behold, Amanda makes the surprise acquaintance of a drunken bloke, Graham (Jude Law, in his most charming, authentic role yet), and Iris stumbles upon two equally endearing men: Miles (a subdued Jack Black) and Arthur Abbot, a veteran screenwriter (eloquently played by Eli Wallach). Winslet heads this dynamic cast, arrestingly honest in her desperation, while Diaz, cheesy as she is, owns her persona and eventually warms up, giving in to a fond softness. The Holiday succeeds in filling the audience with an insatiable wanderlust—for both California sunshine and the snowy English countryside. But most of all it lends a quiet understanding of men and women, fate and the chance circumstances that bring people together. PG-13. ELIANNA BAR-EL. Pioneer Place, Lloyd Cinema, Eastport, Division, Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.

Janet Gaynor: A Centennial Celebration

[SHORT RUN] The silent-era tearjerk queen returns with four more classics: Small Town Girl (Thursday, Dec. 21), Ladies in Love (Friday, Dec. 22), and A Star Is Born (Saturday, Dec. 23). Bring your hankies. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 221-1156. All showings 7 pm. $4-$7.

Little Children

Are moviegoers as obsessed with pedophiles as the American media seems to think? From sympathetic portrayals in independent films (The Woodsman) to scarifying depictions in network procedurals (TV's Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and CSI: Miami), there are more child molesters on the nation's screens than presidents, politicians or priests (though they're often one and the same). Though actor-turned-director Todd Field's second literary adaptation (after 2001's In the Bedroom) has an essentially sympathetic view of a sex offender, fortunately he's not the main event. The film's focus is a couple of refugees from a New Yorker short story—housewife Sarah (Kate Winslet) and house-husband Brad (Hard Candy's Patrick Wilson)—who slip into a passionate affair (you could call this one In the Laundry Room). Accurately adapting Tom Perrotta's novel, Field, a former suburban Portlander, elicits finely honed performances from his terrific cast, which includes Jennifer Connelly, Noah Emmerich and Trini Alvarado, while avoiding the American Beauty trap of divisive caricature. R. D.K. HOLM. Fox Tower.

*NEW* Look Both Ways

Young Australians in crisis. With animated interludes. Crikey. Living Room Theaters, 341 SW 10th Ave., (971) 222-2010.

Men at Work

Four Iranian chaps decide they must knock over a tall, phallic rock. It's a satire of male obsessions. In case you couldn't tell. Hollywood Theatre.

The Nativity Story

In the days of Caesar Augustus, a young Nazarene named Mary (Keisha Castle-Hughes) gets a woodland visit from a chap in white who explains that she has been selected to incubate the Messiah. She knows her visitation is going to be less heartening for the people around her—her parents, for starters, and especially her fiancÉ, Joseph (Oscar Isaac). This is fertile ground for director Catherine Hardwicke, who previously helmed Thirteen and here considers another adolescent girl in trouble. Humane as it is, The Nativity Story is hardly revisionist history. It remains scrupulously faithful to Christian pieties (if not to the texts: The Gospel of Matthew places the Magi's visit at a house, not the manger) and culminates with a crÈche scene right out of Victorian Christmas cards. But a dash of the hokey is hardly the worst sin this kind of devotional work can commit, and The Nativity Story's simple, square approach is welcome. PG. AARON MESH. Lloyd Mall, Eastport, Division, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Cinema 99.

*NEW* Night at the Museum

Ben Stiller guards dioramas. They come to life after dark. Unfortunately, so does Robin Williams. Look for the review at wweek.com. PG. Pioneer Place, St. Johns Twin Cinema-Pub, Lloyd Cinemas, Eastport, Division, Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.

Our Daily Bread

[SHORT RUN] German documentarian Nikolaus Geyrhalter takes a wordless look at the wonders and horrors of industrial food processing. You probably shouldn't order a large popcorn. AARON MESH. Clinton Street Theater, Wednesday-Thursday only.

The Pursuit of Happyness

'Tis the season for paternal devotion: First, Djimon Hounsou searched across Sierra Leone for his kidnapped son in Blood Diamond, and here Will Smith schleps his 5-year-old moppet around San Francisco after the child's mother (Thandie Newton) walks out on them. Smith's Chris Gardner takes an unpaid internship at Dean Witter, hoping it's the ticket to a better life. But the life he initially gets involves sleeping in subway bathrooms. The English-language debut of director Gabriele Muccino (he made L'Ultimo Bacio, the Italian source of Zach Braff's The Last Kiss), The Pursuit of Happyness is pure cinematic comfort food: a helping of Horatio Alger pluck with a dash of family bonding, sauced with '70s soul tracks. No prizes for guessing that Gardner triumphs over all obstacles. Smith agonizes just fine, but the challenges he faces are mostly workaday annoyances, like missing a train, being late for a meeting, or having to pay taxes, parking tickets and rent. Muccino plays these frustrations not as the quotidian comedy they are, but as great burdens borne by an exceptional man. For all its efforts to be "inspirational," Happyness is most likely to inspire a nagging worry that you double-parked outside the theater. PG-13. AARON MESH. Pioneer Place, Lloyd Cinema, Lloyd Mall, Eastport, Division, Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evergreen, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.

The Queen

Dame Helen Mirren inhabits the intimidating persona of Queen Elizabeth II in this dramatization of the private lives of Britain's leaders in the days immediately following Princess Diana's 1997 death. Director Stephen Frears (Mrs. Henderson Presents, High Fidelity, The Grifters) keeps the kid gloves on in his treatment of the Royal Family and the Blairs, presenting what amounts to an apology for the missteps and insensitivity of the crown in the wake of national mourning for the ill-fated Diana. Frears' uneven yet artful directing marks the continued development of a talented filmmaker. His able use of montage to weave together gripping news footage with staged dramatics is unparalleled—even in a period marked by big-budget attempts at docudrama and dramatization (United 93, World Trade Center)—and the effect of Frears' having fused these two elements together lingers long after the credits roll. That said, Frears' depiction of Blair as the unwitting beneficiary of glowing public opinion after Diana's death is difficult to swallow. One understands giving Queen Elizabeth the benefit of the doubt regarding her personal motives during those difficult times, but to imply that Blair was either selfless or politically naive is ridiculous. PG-13. JAMES WALLING. Fox Tower, Hollywood Theatre, Movies on TV.

*NEW* Silent Night, Deadly Night

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] There are some cinematic memories that warm our hearts every Christmas, bringing cheer with each viewing. Little Virginia finding out that yes, indeed, there is a Santa Claus. George Bailey realizing how truly wonderful life can be. A deranged, sexually repressed psychopath in a Santa suit making kebabs out of gratuitously naked ladies. Silent Night, Deadly Night, presented by the Grindhouse Film Festival, is by no means a good movie, which should be evident by the fact that it's a slasher flick made in 1984, a time when the Friday the 13th ripoffs piled up quicker than dead sorority girls. Still, there's a great deal of guilty pleasure to be had watching a Santa-clad mental case, with a vested childhood fear of Papa NoËl, hack his way through a horde of naughty and naked holiday cheesecakes for 80 gruesome minutes. R. AP KRYZA. Hollywood Theatre. 9 pm Saturday, Dec. 23.

Snow Blind

A documentary charting the history of snowboarding. It was produced with the funds of snowboard manufacturers, so it's probably—just guessing here—in favor of snowboarding. Hollywood Theatre.

Stranger Than Fiction

Will Ferrell attempts and successfully creates a new (and much-needed) dimension for his "funnyman" persona. Expect laughs, but none due to Ferrell's frat-boy bare ass charging down a crowded street. The story line is refreshingly atypical: The brilliant Emma Thompson plays a novelist fighting to break through a 10-year stint of writer's block by penning the life story of Harold Crick (Will Ferrell), who is actually a real-life, lonely, obsessive-compulsive IRS agent. Her narrative makes its way into his head as a voice-over forecasting future events before they occur in his actual life, which naturally causes difficulties for him and laughs for us. With Dustin Hoffman as a quirky literary professor whom Crick seeks out for help and the ever-charming Maggie Gyllenhaal as Crick's unlikely love interest, Stranger Than Fiction is sharply original and surprisingly poignant. PG-13. ELIANNA BAR-EL. Hollywood Theatre.

*NEW* Sweet Land

Nothing about Sweet Land seems special: Stories of mail-order brides arriving to hardship in the Midwest are a staple of Americana, from paperback romance novels to Hallmark television specials. But the story of Inge (Elixabeth Reaser) and Olaf (Tim Guinee) achieves an aching resonance reminiscent of Garrison Keillor's finest Prairie Home Companion monologues. The Minnesota locals don't take kindly to Inge, disliking her German heritage, her bold waltzing and her coffee—"too many beans," complains the local minister (John Heard) in a tone threatening excommunication. But director Ali Selim isn't making one more parable of intolerance. He concentrates instead on the hesitant romance between the farming couple, and their closely held chastity turns into a tender, painfully erotic dance. The simplicity, unadorned with cheap pieties, is entirely winning. Nothing about Sweet Land is special. That's why everything about it is special. PG. AARON MESH. Hollywood Theatre.

Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny

The tale of Jack Black and Kyle Gass as they form and promote their laughably bad rock band. Black's fever-pitch intensity never lets up, which has the effect of a sustained scream or an endless exhalation. Gass' performance has all the charisma of a wet rag energized, as it were, by Domino's Pizza and hallucinogens. R. JAMES WALLING. St. Johns Dome, Laurelhurst, Mission, Bagdad.

Unaccompanied Minors

Stranded in the fictional Hoover International Airport on Christmas Eve, five adolescents play hide-and-seek with security guards. A junior-set version of The Terminal (but without Tom Hanks doing a silly accent), Unaccompanied Minors has much in common with the young-adult novels of Gordon Korman: It's lively, sympathetic to the fantasy lives of kids and more clever than you'd expect. The movie's qualities shouldn't be a surprise, considering it's based on an essay from the radio show This American Life and directed by Paul Feig, who created the marvelous Freaks and Geeks for television. Feig's pedigree explains why so many talented TV comedians make appearances here: Actors from The Office (Mindy Kaling, David Koechner, B.J. Novak) and Arrested Development (Rob Corddry, Tony Hale, Jessica Walter) have seen the director at work on their shows, and are happy to hand in a scene for him. So the film's title turns out to be something of a misnomer: The minors are accompanied quite nicely. PG. AARON MESH. Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV.

*NEW* Volver

Moms always pick the worst times to visit. Like the day after you've stashed your freshly murdered husband in the icebox. That's the plight of Raimunda (PenÉlope Cruz), whose daughter (Yohana Cobo) has fatally stabbed dear old pederastic Dad, and whose long-dead mother, Irene (Carmen Maura), has arrived on the scene, apparently unconcerned that she's a poltergeist. It's just another week in La Mancha (where "the wind drives people crazy") and, more broadly, in AlmodÓvarland. The great Spanish director Pedro AlmodÓvar has returned, but with an entry significantly less crazy than much of his canon. Volver, for all its plot twists, is a fairly restrained family drama crossed with a hide-the-body thriller. It's a pleasant exercise, but nothing in it can match Cruz in full Sophia Loren earth-mother form, complete with the pneumatic gifts. AlmodÓvar has always cherished his women, and here Cruz gets the adoring treatment. "I am a gay man," the director explained at Cannes, "but I love breasts." He shares the love. R. AARON MESH. Cinema 21. 616 NW 21st Ave., 223-4515.

*NEW* We Are Marshall

Sports movies traditionally focus on a team mired in adversity, but never before has such a flick opened with an entire football squad perishing in a jet crash. Still, that was the fate the 1970 Marshall University Thundering Herd, and director McG (Charlie's Angels), has distilled the tragedy into an effective roster of lump-in the-throat moments, as the college and its West Virginia city struggle to heal. We Are Marshall would be unimaginably maudlin if not for the presence of Matthew McConaughey, who creates his first truly interesting character since Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. It's an authentically bizarre performance: McConaughey plays new coach Jack Lengyel as a corn-pone cousin to Peter Falk's Columbo. He shuffles, back bent, across the gridiron, points his fingers in random directions, and begins his motivational speeches as non sequitur questions. It's an oddly hilarious turn, far better than the film deserves, and the preview audience I saw Marshall with was cracking up as much as sniffling. We laugh that we may not cry—and anyway, the laughter feels better. PG. AARON MESH. Broadway, Lloyd Cinemas, Eastport, Division, Oak Grove, Cedar Hills, Cornelius, Evegreen, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Sandy, Tigard Cinemas, Wilsonville, Cinema 99, Cinetopia.

Wondrous Oblivion

An 11-year-old Jewish boy in 1950s London learns about cricket and racism when a Jamaican family moves in next door. Pitched somewhere between Billy Elliot and Far from Heaven, director Paul Morrison's movie seems primed to teach the usual lessons about tolerance. But young David Wiseman (Sam Smith) doesn't notice most of them: He's too lost in his own cricket-card fantasies to feel any growing pains. Wondrous Oblivion is torn about whether to escape with him or not; Morrison follows Mrs. Wiseman (Emily Woof) as she considers an affair with the gentle West Indian patriarch Dennis (Delroy Lindo), but both she and the movie pull back from radical questions. It's sentimental stuff, but undeniably touching—especially the performance of Stanley Townsend (Zechariah in The Nativity Story), who captures the choked hope of a father who doesn't know how to connect with his son. PG. AARON MESH. Hollywood Theatre.

Wordplay

[SHORT RUN] Patrick Creadon's entertaining documentary focuses on the mustachioed enigmatologist Will Shortz, crossword-puzzle master of The New York Times and National Public Radio. PG. Living Room Theaters, 341 SW 10th Ave., (971) 222-2010.