STAGE

And Then There Were None

[CLOSES SUNDAY] Ten strangers, mysteriously brought together at a deserted-island resort, are picked off one by one in this classic mystery by Agatha Christie. Northwest Classical Theatre Company at the Shoe Box Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 262-5503. 7 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes Jan. 14. $18, $12 students and seniors.

Bark!

[OPENS THURSDAY] Don Horn directs a "runaway smash hit musical about man's truest friend, as told and sung from the doggie point of view." Triangle Productions at Artists Repertory Theatre Second Stage, 1516 SW Morrison St., 239-5919. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Opens Jan. 11. $22-$30.

Black and Blues

[SHORT RUN] A reading of San Antonio Sunset, Willy Holtzman's play about Robert Johnson, featuring blues man Victor Morris. Readers Theatre Repertory at Blackfish Gallery, 420 NW 9th Ave., 295-4997. 8 pm Friday-Saturday, Jan. 12-13. $8.

Can't Say I Do

[NEW REVIEW] Left-leaning gay-marriage politics sing out loud in Key Productions' inaugural show. Three couples (one gay, one straight, one straight but divorced) navigate commitment and compromise via sporadically charming music and lyrics (Peter Alexander) and a clichÉ-laden book (Kevin Yell), though both are unnecessarily amplified and supported by an uninspired band (Chrisse Roccaro, music director). The young hetero couple comes off most believably in Troy Lakey's snail's-pace production, with first-rate performances from sweet-voiced Meredith Weber (as Carol) and energetic, charming Ian Anderson-Priddy (David). Both deserve a better vehicle. The same people who go in applauding for gay marriage will leave applauding it, too. STEPHEN MARC BEAUDOIN. Key Productions at the World Trade Center Theater, 121 SW Salmon St., Building Two, keypdx.com. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 3 pm Sundays. Opens Jan. 5. $20-$25.

ComedySportz

Fast-paced improv as a competitive sport. ComedySportz, 1963 NW Kearney St., 236-8888. 8 pm Fridays, 7 and 9 pm Saturdays. $12.

Escape from Happiness

[OPENS FRIDAY] George F. Walker's black comedy follows the complete breakdown of a family already on the brink of hysteria. Theatre Vertigo at Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont St., 306-0870. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays. Opens Jan. 12. $15, Thursdays are "pay what you will."

Frida, un Retablo

[OPENS FRIDAY] A bilingual production about the life and art of Frida Kahlo. Teatro Milago at Miracle Theater, 425 SE 6th Ave., 236-7253. 7:30 pm Thursdays, 8 pm Fridays, 2 and 8 pm Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Opens Jan. 12. $15-$18.

Harold Haase, Improv

Bill Cernansky surrounds himself with Portland's finest improvisers the way George Bush surrounds himself with D.C.'s most corrupt politicians. Cernansky and crew will perform the infamous improv format known as the "Harold." If done well, the Harold is absolutely brilliant. If done poorly, the Harold is simply very funny. No matter which side the coin lands on, you win. NATE SMITH. ComedySportz, 1963 NW Kearney St., 228-8888. 10 pm Friday, Jan. 12. $5.

The Heidi Chronicles

[OPENS SATURDAY] Profile's year of Wendy Wasserstein continues with a Pulitzer-winning play that follows 20 years of the life of art historian Heidi Holland. Profile Theatre at Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont St., 242-0080. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Opens Jan. 13. $10-$28.

The Hotel Play

[SHORT RUN] Wallace Shawn's (yes, that Wallace Shawn) first work,performed by a cast of over 50, staged at the Heathman Hotel. Reservations recommended. More info at wweek.com's WWire. New House Theatre at the Tea Room at the Heathman Hotel, 1001 SW Broadway, (971) 563-4284. 8 pm Wednesday, 10 pm Thursday-Friday. Closes Jan. 12. $10 suggested donation.

Menopause the Musical

[OPEN-ENDED RUN] A silly, hackneyed, trite and perplexingly popular musical revue about hot flashes, weight gain and dildos. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 224-4400. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Fridays, 2 and 5:30 pm Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Selling six weeks out. $44.50+ (Ticketmaster).

Misalliance

[OPENS FRIDAY] Shaw's condemnation of British marriage practices, directed by Chris Coleman. Portland Center Stage at the Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Saturdays and Jan. 14 and 28.; 2 pm Sundays and Jan. 20, Feb. 3; noon Thursdays and Jan. 30-31. Opens Jan. 12. $16.50-$59.50.

Miss Nelson Is Missing!

[OPENS SUNDAY] When the worst class in school goes head to head with the substitute from hell, things get so bad they set out in search of their missing teacher. Oregon Children's Theatre at Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 228-9571. 2 pm Sundays and Saturday, Jan. 27. $12-$23.

Number Three

[OPENS FRIDAY] The audience favorite at 2005's JAW/West festival, Ebbe Roe Smith's autobiographical story of growing up in the '50s gets the full treatment from Third Rail. Third Rail Repertory Theater at Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center, 5340 N Interstate Ave., 235-1101. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Opens Jan. 12. $15-$24.

Ron Osborne, Stand-Up

Watching Osborne do stand-up is like watching one of your friends do speed. You wouldn't condone that behavior, but it sure is fun to watch. Ron lands onstage like a grenade thrown from a foxhole and then explodes for 45 minutes straight. Pregnant women and those with heart issues will want to steer clear. NATE SMITH. Harvey's, 436 NW 6th Ave., 241-0338. 8 pm Wednesday-Sunday, Jan. 17-21. $15.

The Trestle at Pope Lick Creek

[OPENS THURSDAY] A Depression-era coming-of-age story by Naomi Wallace, set in a Southern town so dull that the only entertainment is playing chicken with a 153-ton train. Defunkt theatre at the Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 481-2960. 8 pm Thursdays-Sundays. Opens Jan. 11. $10-$15, Thursdays are "pay what you will."

Where's Charley?

[OPENS FRIDAY] Ron Daum directs Frank Loesser's musical adaptation of Brandon Thomas' classic farce, Charley's Aunt. Lakewood Theatre Company at Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 635-3901. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 7 pm Sundays; 2 pm Jan. 21, Feb. 11 and 18. Opens Jan. 12. $28, $26 students and seniors.

Who Stole My Dead Husband?

[EXTENDED RUN] Lou Pallotta's comedy about growing up Italian-American continues through January. Madison's East Wing, 1125 SE Madison St., 800-966-8865. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays. Closes Jan. 27. $57-$67, includes dinner.

classical

Cappella Romana: Mount Sinai: The Frontier of Byzantium

Children were getting thrown into ovens long before the opera Hansel and Gretel. Take, for example, The Play of the Three Children in the Furnace, a medieval liturgical drama. Three young'uns refuse to worship the idol of mean old King Nebuchadnezzar, so he chucks them into a fiery furnace. Not nice. Cappella Romana is nice, and Alexander Lingas leads the choir in this and other medieval Byzantine chants. Kids especially welcome. St. Mary's Cathedral, 1716 NW Davis St., 236-8202. 8 pm Friday, Jan. 12. $12-$25.

Portland Piano International Series: Jean-Yves Thibaudet, piano

He's French. He's handsome. He's queer. He employs his own concert couture designer. He also bangs on a piano real good, which is probably the major reason you should clear your schedule to see, I mean hear, the exceptional pianist Jean-Yves Thibaudet in his only Portland appearance this season (the other assets sure don't hurt his package). On the program: Chopin Nocturnes, works of Liszt, Debussy and Satie, and a selection from Messiaen's visionary masterwork, Vingt Regards Sur l'Enfant Jesus. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 725-3307. 4 pm Sunday, Jan. 14. $25-$40. See wweek.com for a full preview of this concert.

Friends of Chamber Music: TakÁcs Quartet

The Grammy-award-winning string quartet touches down for two nights of high fiddling. Monday's program is on the sunny side (Mozart, Debussy, Brahms); Tuesday's has fireworks and storms (Shostakovich, BartÓk, Beethoven). PSU Lincoln Performance Hall, 1620 SW Park Ave., 224-9842. 7:30 pm Monday-Tuesday, Jan. 15-16. $9-$38.

Oregon Symphony: Brahms Symphony No. 4 (Jan. 14) and Smorgasbord (Jan 14-15)

Yawn. Oh, sorry, it's just another Brahms Symphony concert (Jan. 14). You're better off choosing the eclectic Smorgasbord program (Jan 14 and 15), with sexy stick man Colin Currie on percussion. Did I say yawn? I meant yum. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 228-1353. 2 pm Sunday, Jan. 14. $16-$55 (Brahms). 7:30 pm Sunday, Jan. 14 and 8 pm Monday, Jan. 15. $20-$88 (Smorgasbord).

dance

Master Class with Gina Gibney

New York-based choreographer Gina Gibney offers an intensive master class on the sensitive, collaborative relationship between choreographer and performer and "cooperative virtuosity," her innovative approach to partnering, which employs a rigorous, fast-paced menu of carrying/lifts, weight sharing and balance, and symbiotic, collectivist energies. For intermediate to advanced-level dancers. Conduit Dance, 918 SW Yamhill St., Suite 401. 221-5857. 10 am Friday, Jan. 12. $15. Class is limited to 30.