What would Jesus fight For? Battlecry, Friday at the Rose Garden.

Thursday, APRIL 19

The Difference a Day Makes

Great nations suffer from great problems. Luckily, America has the solution: holidays. Labor Day, for instance, honors the struggle of American workers. Since its turn-of-the-century inception, corporations have been run with a responsible eye toward the livelihood and happiness of their employees—not Wall Street's whims or executive greed. It's no coincidence that since Memorial Day was established after World War I—to honor fallen soldiers and remind us of the horrors of war—America has avoided unjust wars and unnecessary casualties. And Martin Luther King Day completely ended racism and transformed the South into a haven of enlightened equality. But perhaps the best illustration of holiday power is Earth Day. Since the first Earth Day in 1970, the environment has become a preeminent political concern; pollution, habitat destruction and species loss have ceased. Today, Americans consume only what they need and live in perfect harmony with the natural world. Indeed, if not for Earth Day, we might be staring down the barrel of some terrible environmental catastrophe, perhaps affecting the entire globe and, um, maybe its warming? Just a hypothetical. In reality, earnest environmental activists have been vying for the nation's attention for decades with some success—but not enough. We just don't care. Still, our only hope may be guys like decorated green superstar Denis Hayes, who coordinated the first Earth Day and will be spending Earth Day '07 here in Portland. Hayes plays keynote speaker at the Coalition for a Livable Future's "2007 Regional Livability Summit" (clfuture.org), where local and national greens will strategize new solutions to Portland's nagging eco issues. Panel discussions, interactive workshops and a healthy lineup of regional leaders—all aimed at sustainability that's sustained year round. Portland State University, Smith Center Ballroom, 1825 SW Broadway, 294-2889. 8 am-4 pm. $45, $35 for CLF members. All ages. See also cover packege, page 20.

Friday, APRIL 20

Hahaha! AHHHH! Hahaha!

Religious fundamentalism, hatred of Western media, militant rhetoric aimed at recruiting youth...sounds familiar, eh? That's right, it's Battlecry—an evangelical youth organization that advocates right-wing cultural warfare and stages massive rallies—part worship, part rock concert—like "Acquire the Fire: Mark of the Warrior" (battlecry.com), which hits Portland this weekend. Battlecry blames America's media for targeting youth and luring them away from Christ. Yeah, it couldn't be the hateful, intolerant ideology, rejection of science, repression, rampant hypocrisy or pedophilic priests turning teens off. Despite its rhetoric, Battlecry advances its agenda not through violent terrorism (too foreign), but through good old American marketing: a slick website, a clothing line, multiracial models with faux-hawks, and a MySpace-like networking site for born-agains. Acquire the Fire's lineup ranges from hilarious to terrifying. Like youth pastor Ron Luce, who looks like Blind Date host Roger Lodge (funny) and was appointed to the Commission on Drug-Free Communities by President Bush (scary). Or God-rockers Skillet, inspired by their love of Christ and Denny's. Plus a dozen more "worship bands" and image-conscious preachers. Nothing says trust like a pastor with a glamour shot. Rose Garden Arena, One Center Court, 235-8771. 7-10 pm Friday, 9 am-9:30 pm Saturday, April 20-21. $57-$67. All ages.

Shooting Tyranny in the Face

Baseball is losing popularity, apple-pie sales have been steadily slipping since the '80s, and moms around the country are defecting to Cuba. Frankly, the pillars of American society are crumbling—except shooting shit! Now as much as ever, our noble citizenry enjoys popping in a banana clip of hollow points and firing indiscriminately at road signs, rodents, beer bottles and suspicious foreigners. Just like our gun-crazy Founding Fathers. And this weekend, the Rose City Gun and Knife Show (collectorswest.com) carries on America's trigger-happy tradition with a huge hall of firearm fanatics selling every type of (legal) gun imaginable. Or, for gutting and skinning, close-quarters combat or simply to have something cool to hang on your belt, knives! Ignore those nasty rumors about gun-control loopholes and appreciate this event for what it is: an intimidating display of American might. Terrorists may be armed to the teeth, but so are we. To quote a great man, strong leader and expert smirker: "Bring it on." As other American traditions fade, we must hold tight to our most sacred right, because if every American—regardless of mental capacity, rationality or motive—can't cram their homes, cars, boats and RVs with automatic weapons and armor-piercing ammunition, we'll never be safe. Expo Center, 2060 N Marine Drive, 736-5200. Noon-7 pm Friday, 9 am-6 pm Saturday, 9 am-4 pm Sunday, April 20-22. $8, two-day pass $12, three-day pass $18, children under 12 free.