NICE HAIR: Baritone Richard Zeller performs a Memorial Day concert.

STAGE

Bad Dates

You've seen most of this one-woman show before: A single mom who runs a New York restaurant tries to get back into the dating game and—surprise!—has a series of miserable experiences. The story, jokes and fetishistic shoe fixation are the same off-the-shelf Hollywood stuff you'd find in any big-screen romantic comedy, which, considering that playwright Theresa Rebeck helped write Catwoman, isn't all that surprising. Fortunately for Portland, Carol Halstead tackles the role with gusto, turning what would otherwise be a tiresome 90 minutes of costume changes and man-hating into a pleasant enough evening filled with more laughs and joy than this script has any right to produce. BEN WATERHOUSE. Portland Center Stage at the Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. Noon Thursdays, 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Saturdays. Closes June 10. $16.50-$41.50.

Chicago

[OPENS TUESDAY] Soap star Lisa Rinna pulls out the old razzle-dazzle. Fred Meyer Broadway Across America Portland at Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 241-1802. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Friday, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday, 1 and 6:30 pm Sunday. Opens May 29. $23-$68.

Grease

In this "30-year reunion" production, director Kirk Mouser focuses on the camp and corn in what could be a very moving and disturbing play, but that's OK—the band is great, the songs are well performed, and Amy Palomino's choreography is up to her usual high standard. But despite a few excellent performances and the killer material, the show isn't very much fun. The cast's energy drags painfully between songs, and the white hair and bald pates make it awfully difficult to suspend disbelief. The cast is obviously having a blast; if the same could be said of the spectators, this would be a great production. It isn't. BEN WATERHOUSE. Stumptown Stages at the World Trade Center Theatre, 121 SW Salmon St., stumptownstages.com. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays. Closes June 30. $22-$27.

High School Musical

[CLOSES SUNDAY] A love story of jock meets nerd, sugarcoated in dazzling, poppy fun. Gabriella Montez (Vanessa Wilkins) is the new science geek transfer student who falls for basketball star Troy Bolton (Lance Geller). Both battle their stereotypical social standings in their attempt to audition for the high-school musical, Juliet and Romeo. This Disney hit-movie-turned-stage musical is a joy to watch. Despite a lagging second act, the Blue Monkey Theater Company's cast of 23, whose median age is 15, comes together in glittering dance numbers and sparkling song ensembles. Wilkins and Geller shine as the leads; keep watch for them—they might just be the next American teen idols. WAYNE BUND. Blue Monkey Theater Company at the West End Theater, 1220 SW Taylor St., 777-4506. 7 pm Friday, 2 and 7 pm Saturday, 2 pm Sunday. Closes May 27. $16-$20.

In Apparati

[CLOSES SATURDAY] This ominous and provocative world premiere by defunkt's co-artistic director, James Moore, has everything you could ask for in a defunkt production: bizarre costumes, inexplicable slow-mo dance routines, clever dialogue and a pervasive sense of impending doom. Borrowing from Orwell, Dick and recent front-page headlines, the play follows four prisoners, held interminably for unspecified acts of subversion, through menacing confrontations with the guards, inane conversations in the yard and the slow onset of madness. A finely designed show with an excellent, all-volunteer ensemble, In Apparati is a provocative and surprisingly humorous must-see. BEN WATERHOUSE. Defunkt theatre at the Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 481-2960. 8 pm Thursday-Saturday. Closes May 26. $10-$15, Thursday is "pay what you will."

 A Lesson from Aloes

Gladys Bezuidenhout (Gretchen Corbett) can't understand husband Piet's (John Steinkamp) new obsession with South Africa's native aloes. "Is that the price of survival in this country?" she asks. "Thorns and bitterness?" Apparently, in 1963 in Port Elizabeth, it is. Gladys and Piet's relationship seems strained enough before Steve Daniels (Kevin Jones), a fellow leftist, shows up and things get very tense. Playwright Athol Fugard's examination of the effects of totalitarian repression on human relationships is a work of terrible sadness played with stifling desperation by the excellent ensemble, despite the shrill and uneven tone of Corbett's take on the "broken woman" archetype. BEN WATERHOUSE. Third Rail Repertory Theater at the Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center, 5340 N Interstate Ave., 235-1101. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes June 2. $15-$24.

Macbeth

Director Brian Allard soaks the audience in the bloody witches' brew of Macbeth's claustrophobic remorse-world at the Shoebox Theatre and holds it under to dodge sword swipes, fake blood and delicious cookies served gratis from wenches at banquet scenes. Even a back-row seat in the small theater puts you nearly onstage in the gore of swashbuckling action. You feel the iambic anguish of the characters up front and personal in this well-choreographed rendition of the classic tragedy. Shakespeare's murdering Scotsman, portrayed by cherubic Paul Angelo, melts and hardens before Lady MacBeth's (Lara Flynn Boyle look-alike Allison Anderson) naked (well, negligee-clad) ambition. WILLIAM CRAWFORD. Northwest Classical Theatre Company at the Shoebox Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 262-5503. 7 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes June 3. $12-$18.

Moscow Cats Theatre

[SHORT RUN] The world's only troupe of performing cats—that's right, cats—stops for two nights in Portland. Thirty-five performing cats! Awesome! See It List, page 52, for more. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 224-4400. 1 and 4 pm Saturday, 3 pm Sunday, May 26-27. $49-$57.

My Matisse

You don't have to know the sordid details of the French master's numerous affairs to appreciate CoHo Productions' one-woman show. With the colorful brilliance of one of Matisse's bright paintings, Sandi Milne switches seamlessly between seven different intense women from various stages of the painter's turbulent life. Milne captures the love, anguish and burning need his mother, daughter, wife, lovers and larger-than-life friend Gertrude Stein each felt toward this most difficult of geniuses. Originally performed in Britain with seven actresses, My Matisse makes its world debut here in Portland as rewritten by Howard Ginsberg and directed by Robert W. Holden. WILLIAM CRAWFORD. CoHo Productions at the CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St., 220-2646. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes June 2. $20-$23.

Oklahoma!

Corn as high as an elephant's eye, etc. Dan Murphy directs. Lakewood Theatre Company at Lakewood Center for the Arts. 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 635-3901. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 7 pm Sundays, 2 pm May 27, June 3 and June 10. Closes June 10. $26-$28.

Orson's Shadow

[OPENS FRIDAY] Orson Welles (Todd Van Voris) directs Laurence Olivier (David Carey Foster) and Joan Plowright (Lauren Bair) in Eugene Ionesco's Rhinoceros in this very academic, name-dropping comedy. Artists Repertory Theatre Main Stage, 1516 SW Alder St., 241-1278. 7 pm Tuesdays-Thursdays, 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays, 2 and 7 pm Sundays, 11 am June 9 and 16. Opens May 25. $15-$42.50.

ScratchPDX

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] Eugene Douglas hosts his monthly theatrical open mic. Hipbone Studio, 1847 E Burnside St., #104, 971-219-8068. 9 pm Saturday, May 26. $8.

Swiss Family Robinson

[CLOSES SUNDAY] Meet the Robinson family. They're shipwrecked on a tropical island! They live in a tree house! They fight pirates! Arr! Northwest Children's Theater and School at the NW Neighborhood Cultural Center, 1819 NW Everett St., 222-4480. 7 pm Friday, 2 and 7 pm Saturday, 2 pm Sunday. Closes May 27. $16-$20.

Tango

[CLOSES SATURDAY] In this absurdist comedy by Polish playwright Slawomir Mrozek, Arthur, a pompous little prick of a med student, attempts to impose traditional (read "Victorian") values on his family of rebellious artists. It's the sort of script in which people keep calling one another "vulgar formalists" and wildly debating the merits of rebellion and conformity in art, and it would be dreadfully boring were it not for terrific performances by Gary Norman and Ben Plont. In all, Tango is amusing but tiresome, a well-intentioned production of a sinister play that will appeal to those with a taste for over-the-top absurdism but leave others wondering what the hell they just sat through. BEN WATERHOUSE. Theatre Vertigo at Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont St., 306-0870. 8 pm Thursday-Saturday. Closes May 26. $15, Thursdays is "pay what you will."

They Came from Way Out There

[CLOSES SUNDAY] This Close Encounters-themed musical revue is pure camp, a poorly thought-out series of loosely related songs about UFOs, past lives and other assorted pop culture weirdness. Still, the show is plenty of fun: The songs are amusing, the choreography is excellent in its silliness, and the props and costumes are fantastic—think talking armchairs and dancing monoliths. The ensemble looks to be having a blast: Moore comes across, as usual, as a barely restrained sociopath, and Susannah Mars, despite her less-than-exciting role as a Sunday school teacher who sees little green men, blows her colleagues out of the water with her usual musical fireworks. This is mindless escapism, sure, but, after the past few weeks, we could all use a little break. BEN WATERHOUSE. Artists Repertory Theatre Second Stage, 1516 SW Alder St., 241-1278. 7 pm Wednesday-Thursday, 8 pm Friday-Saturday, 2 and 7 pm Sunday. Closes May 27. $15-$42.50.

COMEDY

Jack Mayberry: Stand-up

A West Texan Marine with a dead-on Ross Perot imitation, Mayberry brings 23 years of stand-up experience to Portland. Harvey's Comedy Club, 436 NW 6th Ave., 241-0338. 8 pm Wednesday-Thursday, 8 and 10:30 pm Friday, 7:30 and 10 pm Saturday, 7 pm Sunday. Opens May 23. $15.

CLASSICAL

Sing! Sing! Sing!

Yet another new contender in Portland's increasingly populated kids' choir field, Portland Boychoir grew out of the training arm of Portland Symphonic Choir and, like their little lady counterparts at the Portland Symphonic Girlchoir, are setting out to establish their own gender-centered profile. One wonders if these boys' and girls' choirs might ever collaborate...would hormones rage onstage? Dr. Thomas, a PDX newcomer from St. Petersburg, Russia, is the Boychoir's new artistic director, and he conducts the blue-blazered young men in their spring blowout concert. The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th Ave., 697-7464. 7 pm Thursday, May 24. $10-$15.

3 Leg Torso with Buoy LaRue

Two of Portland's not-quite-classical rock-chamber ensembles team up for a powerhouse night of lushly orchestrated new tunes. Hottie Michael Hermann's new group, Buoy LaRue, plays this stuff with style and wit—it's a group to keep your eyes on. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 7 and 10 pm Saturday, May 26. $15.

Seventh Species Series: Composers Concert

San Fran-based composer Guillermo Galindo is the featured guest in this series of new music by (gasp) mostly living composers, including still-breathing Christopher Wicks, Jackie T. Gabel, Gary Noland, Jeff Winslow and Paul Safar, with departed beloveds Kurt Weill and Gustav Mahler. Classic Pianos Recital Room, 3003 SE Milwaukie Ave., 235-3714. 2 pm Saturday, May 26. $10.

Memorial Day Concert

Richard Zeller, that titan of Northwest-based baritones, appears as guest soloist with Dean Applegate's crackerjack chamber choir, Cantores in Ecclesia, in a variable program of anthems and motets for Memorial Day. St. Patrick's Church, 1623 NW 19th Ave., 292-4002. 5 pm Monday, May 28. Free.

DANCE

Conduit Studio Classes

Conduit wraps up another spring season of bell kicks and isolations in this, their final week of spring classes at their cozy downtown studio. Some of your best bets: Mary Oslund and Eric Nordstrom's "Raw Beginning" class, and Tere Mathern's contemporary antics in "Intermediate/Advanced Contemporary Technique." Conduit Studios, 918 SW Yamhill St., 221-5857. Various times through Saturday, May 26. $14 per class.