Clearing out the nostrils.

[May 1st, 2002] The Nose giveth and the Nose taketh away. Fresh from a weekend of spring cleaning, here are several dungballs and daffodils from the Nose's cluttered attic of a mind.

Daffodils to the Los Angeles Lakers, for putting the Portland Trail Blazers and what's left of their fans out of their misery. Sunday's sorry chokefest shattered any illusion that Whitsitt's warriors were anything more than a tantrum-throwing horde of mercenaries with less love for the game than for its spoils.

Dungballs to the University of Oregon, which is considering banning alcohol on campus. That's right, moving drinking off-campus will be a huge improvement.

Daffodils to City Commissioner Charlie Hales, who will step down in June, for making City Hall a lot more interesting during the past 10 years.

Dungballs to federal Judge Mike Hogan , who last Wednesday forced a Hilton ballroom full of people to endure his painfully embarrassing impersonation of Michael Jackson singing "Beat It"--complete with white glove and sunglasses. Then again, considering it was a roomful of lawyers, attending an event intended to honor federal judges, maybe he deserves a bouquet.

Daffodils to George McGovern for reminding us that there was more to the '60s era than good dope and bad haircuts. The former Democratic U.S. senator was in town last week to dedicate the Oregon Food Bank's new warehouse in Northeast Portland. (The Nose has learned that among the young idealists who cast their first presidential vote for McGovern in 1972 were Kevin Mannix and Ron Saxton, two of the leading GOP candidates for governor.)

Dungballs to Gov. John Kitzhaber for sitting on his hands. If the Public Employees Retirement System is an $8-billion train wreck, why didn't the fellow who has been governor for the past eight years deal with it?

Daffodils to Tonya Harding, who continues to keep the Nose amused.

Dungballs to Eric Smith, the superintendent of the Charlotte, N.C., school district. Smith turned Portland down, saying he was going back to Charlotte, only to pop up with the top job in Annapolis less than a week later. Glad we could help with that raise.

Daffodils to former Gov. Neil Goldschmidt, for trying to keep alive the dream of a parks block corridor. At least someone is trying to do something about the decline of downtown.

Dungballs to the Catholic Church, which maintains that the idea that the obligatory vow of celibacy has nothing to do with its current crisis. That's as absurd as George Bush's energy policy.

Daffodils to the Cascade Policy Institute, for bringing New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson to town in May. Johnson has long advocated the decriminalization and legalization of certain drugs. Even at a time when Oregon officials are projecting the need for even more prisons, this is a topic few candidates for office in Oregon have the courage to discuss.

Dungballs to Michael Savage, the San Francisco-based shock jock with a show on KXL radio, whose constant immigrant-bashing drew protests from the PC crowd last week. Savage, who also regularly whines about overzealous lawyers, responded to his critics by, get this, threatening to sue them.