Does this water taste funny to you?

[January 22nd, 2003] WINNERS

1) On a day refreshingly free of arrests and pepper-sprayed babies, more than 20,000 local peaceniks clogged the streets of downtown Portland to oppose war on Iraq in the area's largest peace rally since the Vietnam War.

2) Arm-flailing NBA referees can skip the self-defense classes after the seven-game suspension of Blazers forward (and resident menace) Rasheed Wallace. Our man, always looking to cut down on technical fouls, waited until after the game to smack-talk and threaten referee Tim Donaghy.

3) Defying all conventional wisdom, Measure 28 appears to be gaining momentum, according to a poll commissioned by the Eugene Register-Guard which reported 46 percent of the state's registered voters in favor of the tax hike and 35 percent opposed.

4) Bike thieves in Felony Flats will enjoy speedier access to their meth dealers in 2004 when ODOT completes a $1.4 million bicycle-pedestrian overcrossing at the chaotic intersection of Powell and I-205.

5) Single Portland women , rejoice! Oregon's sexiest politico, former Gov. Dr. John Kitzhaber, 55, is getting divorced and renting a bachelor pad in the Pearl District. Among his other charms, the hunky ER doc boasts tight jeans, a firm handshake and a large...belt buckle.

LOSERS

1) The Friends of Mount Tabor, who are pushing the city not to cap the scenic reservoir on the east side's dormant volcano, got a sinking feeling when a transient drowned in the allegedly placid pond. Police say the man panicked at the approach of officers, scaled the fence surrounding the reservoir, dove into the water supply and sank like a stone. The reservoir, which supplies drinking water to thousands of Portland households, will be drained to avoid contamination.

2) Roughly 9,000 frail, elderly and disabled people braced for the impact of deep Medicaid cuts if Measure 28 fails. By April 1, the state would quit paying for services, which will force dozens of nursing homes and other facilities to close. So whatever you do, don't grow old!

3) Critters, take cover. Gov. Ted Kulongoski appointed as his top "natural resources" advisor the chainsaw-happy former State Forester Jim Brown, whose agency recently argued in court that the state should not have to obey federal environmental laws. Now Oregon's cutters, choppers and pavers know which side of the bread will be buttered.