In the Gay-tto

[September 17th, 2003] It wasn't just that Brit slipped Madge the tongue.

The most shocking aspect of the virgin slut kissing the goddess whore two weeks ago at the opening of MTV's much discussed Music Video Awards was that for the first time--the first time in a long time--lesbian hanky-panky made headlines.

It may have been faux hanky-panky, but still. It's been a dry year for dykes.

"The gay boys are doing so much better than us." That's what Els Debbaut said after watching the first episode of this summer's smash hit, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Her partner, Lisa Bradshaw, the 36-year-old arts-and-culture editor for local queer paper Just Out, agrees with Els 100 percent. "But I don't blame the 'Fab Five' for the fact there aren't any cool lesbians on TV," she says. And she doesn't blame lesbians, either.

This queer culture-vulture just thinks it's easier for the male-dominated Hollywood studios to take a bigger chance with male-dominated gay shows. However, she also believes the amazing success of shows like QE will lead to a slew of grrl-friendly shows in the near future.

"I love Queer Eye," says Bradshaw. "It will open doors for cool, fun programming for lesbians."

We can only hope, since--Ellen DeGeneres' new talk show and Janis Ian's Canadian-sanctioned marriage notwithstanding--queer gals have been largely ignored by the mainstream. But are lesbians ready to be cool and fun?

One of the major reasons for their omission is the perception that dykes are somehow duller than the rest of the queer world, more interested in raising families than eyebrows. For many, the only hot lesbians are the ones who would let a guy watch.

For instance, big dyke on campus Roey Thorpe, executive director of Basic Rights Oregon, says she sees plenty of references to girl-on-girl action in the mainstream media--but their target audience is straight men.

"It's like Queer Girl for the Straight Guy," says Thorpe. "That's what Madonna and Britney's kiss was all about. That was not intended for lesbians--not that we didn't find it hot. But face it, the lesbian audience was an afterthought."

Thorpe has a point. Fact is, for all the visibility we have gained, gays and lesbians are still stuck in a ghetto when it comes to expressing our same-sex desires in front of our so-called straight friends, on stage or otherwise. It's one of the last taboos. And it must be broken.

Though Els may be right about the sheer number of gay boys on TV, just because a cute gay couple named Chip and Reichen won a million dollars on The Amazing Race this summer doesn't mean that guys have it any better than the gals. In fact, I almost think we're worse off.

That's because lesbians take themselves more seriously. Their expressed passion has a raw, visceral power that doesn't translate well to the boob tube. Meanwhile, gay men come off as nothing more than the neutered court jesters of the modern age.

It's time both lesbians and gays stop taking ourselves too seriously or too lightly and started just being who we are--normal people who are just as freaky as the rest of the odd folks on reality shows.

Now that would make great television.