Savage Shove...

[September 28th, 2005] Dan Savage is one busy queer.

Beyond penning his sex advice column, "Savage Love," for several alternative newspapers (not WW), he edits Seattle's The Stranger and runs around the country speaking at colleges and conventions. And he writes books, too, including a critically acclaimed memoir about queer adoption called The Kid. He's not so much a journo as a branded product, like Cheerios or Kotex.

In the course of making himself a household-name homo, Savage has transformed himself into a version of '60s television host Art Linkletter. But instead of talking about "those darned kids," he chats with "those darned tea-baggers." When Art talked, he was as warm as a glass of milk. But when Dan talks, it's pure acid mixed with a healthy dollop of ironic insincerity.

Or is it, really?

After reading Savage's latest account, The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage and My Family (Dutton, 291 pages, $24.95) I've come to believe he is (a) an antisocial asshole columnist who gives advice with little regard to who reads it and why, and (b) a nice, caring dude who shows up when it's time to hang out with his family (or write a book). Guess who shows up for The Commitment? But surprisingly, the passion with which Savage writes about his partner of 10 years (the Speedo-wearing Terry) and 6-year-old son (the gay-marriage-hating D.J.) doesn't make for a big snoozefest. Quite the opposite.

Truth is, Savage, smutty words aside, would never do anything that would bring grief to his family. Something so fraught with tension as getting married or not getting married to a same-sex partner is handled with deep consideration. And herein lies the real theme of this topical, Catch-22 tome. What I think Savage wants to say here, politics be damned, is that marriage is messy for everybody-it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight. Just know that no matter how hard you try to make your life and marriage "perfect," somebody is bound to get his or her panties in a bunch. (For more on that, check out next week's column, when my partner, Juan, and I spend a day in court.)

With gay people, most of this panty-bunching pain comes courtesy of what Savage recognizes as an uninformed and all too oppressive straight society. That's why I think Terry says, "I don't want to act like straight people."

But it's the straight people who help Savage and his partner decide whether their 10-year anniversary party should become their wedding reception. More than anyone else, it's Savage's mother who sees past the "jerkos" who want queers to be nothing more than second-class citizens. She's the one who challenges her queer boys to be "serious, grown-up, responsible" men.

Savage may be a good talker, but I think he's an even better writer, especially when he speaks from his heart. Who knew the old faggot had it in him?