Gluttons For Punishment

[November 16th, 2005] "Spittles, the Punk Rock Clown" is the creation of 34-year-old queer local writer Charlie Vazquez (Buzz and Israel, Fireking Press, 238 pages). Vazquez created Spittles to transform the fear many people have of clowns into something a little more erotic. To that end Vazquez has appointed Spittles as the head pastor of the Portland-based "Ministry of Derrière Discipline"—which means he spanks a whole lot of butt. And most of that booty-banging takes place at Queer Fetish. Held in the bowels of eastside club Noir every third Friday of the month, Q-Fetish is creating quite a stir in the fetish community, primarily for the weirdness that goes on down there (deep piercing, anyone?). I chatted with Spittles prior to Friday's party, which he just so happens to co-host, to find out what it takes for this preacher of the posterior to get his spank on.

Queer Window: What the hell is this paddling party?

Spittles: Paddling party? [makes honking noise] It's more than paddling, baby! Queer Fetish has expanded from its original format, when it was more of a burlesque revue focused on sleazy entertainers, to something that involves more audience participation...in the name of the Dark Lord, of course.

What makes it so queer?

We bend the meaning of the word "queer" to include people with a certain attitude and not just a sex preference. Kooky straight folks can be queer, but we don't put up with assholes.

How is what you do different from other fetish nights?

We aim to get people riled up, but Q-Fetish is NOT a sex party. People are encouraged to discover their fantasy—or be someone else's. The main difference from other fetish parties is that we include a certain theme. This month's theme is food, and all of the sensual and satanic things one can do with it. We'll have plenty of fruit there, believe me...so come spray some whipped cream on your bum and let us lick it off!

What else can I expect, besides waking up the next morning with a sore butt?

Splendora and the Gender Fluids won't bore you with lip-synching routines. In fact, Splendora drinks her own urine. Last May, we had an amazing body-modification performance which involved some intense "deep body-piercing" [Spittles says he invented that name] performed with large needles that pierce deeply into the muscle, as opposed to shallow piercings that skirt along the surface. The possibilities are endless, but there are rules and health codes we must follow. Keep your "candy" covered as well—we're allowed to show bums only.

So what's the point, besides spanking?

Q-Fetish is a great event to be what you want and not be judged. It's all about inventing a character and having fun with it. Leave your Abercrombie at home—unless, of course, you want to be humiliated and whipped in it!