Gossip Should Have No Friends

[November 23rd, 2005] TRANSPLANT-ANTACISM Death Cab for Cutie leadman Ben Gibbard had the sold-out crowd at the Crystal Ballroom hanging on his every word last Wednesday before yielding the floor to guitarist Chris Walla, who had a very special announcement. "I've moved here," said Walla, now a former Seattlite. "I'm your neighbor now." Unfortunately, it looks like Portland has breached its transplanted-indie-rocker limit, and the addition of Walla means Steve Malkmus must be shot. We jest.

UNEASY RIDER Last Friday, the Portland Tribune's Weekend Life section featured this cover photo: Oregon Symphony music director Carlos Kalmar , bare-chested and bejeweled , straddling a vintage Harley "Provided by Latus Motors Harley-Davidson." Scoop wondered what was worse, that the Trib thinks product-placement softcore of a local arts leader is H-O-T or that Kalmar got talked into posing for it. The idea was Kalmar's, swears symphony spokeswoman Carrie Kikel: He dressed like a "hippie" to illustrate Phantasmata, the work featured on last weekend's symphony bill. "Phantasmata is psychedelic, baby!" said Kalmar through Kikel. "It's like music on drugs." Just say no, Carlos.

PUNCH DRUNK LOVE Sure, cheering on Floyd Mayweather Jr. as the middleweight champ trounced Sharmba Mitchell (clad in a bizarre, cheerleader-esque skirt) at the Rose Garden's HBO-filmed pro boxing match last Saturday was awesome. But the real passion of the Sweet Science was best displayed after the title bout, after the majority of the fired-up crowd, including Michael Jordan, rapper Jadakiss and an amazingly large number of big, black men in fur coats, had already hightailed it outta the stadium. Sweat streamed and shiny shorts were repeatedly hiked up as two Rose City light heavyweights, Nelson Zepeda and Robert Marthaller, battled for six rounds, the thwack of gloves hitting flesh echoing in the cavernous arena. "You're the fight of the night," a drunken blonde woman yelled to the exhausted fighters from the nearly empty stands. "Everybody else sucked." The bout ended in a draw.

Kato Kaelin was in Portland Monday, Nov. 14, to pimp Eye for an Eye, a new reality TV show he's hosting. The "revenge courtroom series" airs on KPDX Channel 13 at 9 am weekday mornings.