[December 5th, 2007]

77 Pussies Aren’t for Pussies

It’s not your cat. It’s you. That’s the hair-raising premise behind Richard Smith’s catty bestseller, Your Cat’s Just Not That Into You ($8.95, The Funny Bone, 617 SW Washington St., 241-0455). Perfect for any cat-lovin’ spinster or feline fanatic on your list, this tell-all tome, which unearths the mind games our four-legged friends pull on their owners, is just another way to destroy what’s left of an already fragile ego.

78 Fetch It, Bitch!

Tired of wading through all those coupons buried deep within the Sunday O just to find the ones for your pets? Well, wade no more. Solve that pesky problem with the “Go Fetch” coupon book ($10, available at gofetchbooks.com; Green Dog Pet Supply, 4605 NE Fremont St., 528-1800; Pets on Broadway, 2762 NE Broadway, 282-5824; and Dog Gone, 1215 NE Alberta St., 288-4462). You’ll find loads of discounts on everything from pet sitting to people who will pick up the poop.

79 In-Vest-ment Dressing

Nothing says Oregon chic more than a rain vest from LexiDog Boutique ($98, 416 NW 10th Ave., 243-6200) . The red-and-white, fleece-lined Fader jacket is the perfect fit for big dogs and will keep your fashionable pup warm on a cold winter night without cramping his style.

80 Think Outside the Can

After all the crap that’s gone on with pet food this year, it’s high time we treated our companions with treats, not tricks (as was the case when poison was found inside the bags of various large-scale pet-food suppliers). Dogswell’s Happy Hips ($8.99, Whole Foods, 1210 NW Couch St., 525-4343) are chicken-and-apple treats made with all-natural cage-free chicken breast, glucosamine hydrochloride, chondroitin sulfate and vitamin E. It helps dogs maintain healthy connections when it comes to their hips and joints. So does Jamie Young’s cookbook, Grrrrowlicious Food For Hungry Dogs ($14.95, Powell’s City of Books). Divided into the three guiding elements of doggie diets—cooked, raw and carnivore—the book contains hound-approved recipes (puppy porridge, anyone?) that might just have you licking your lips, too.

81 Cut to the Cute

Gag on the eggnog, or just grab a copy of Jennie Summers’ So Cute You Could Die! Puppies, Kitties, Bunnies Galore ($9.95 Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651). With nary a word in it, the tiny tome is full of nothing but warm and fuzzy images of our best friends. Whether or not it will kill you depends on how much “cute” you can take in one sitting.

82 Think Pink (Ribbons, That Is)

How can you and your pet fight breast (or prostate) cancer? By getting him or her one of Planet Dog’s pink or blue ribbon toys from Wag the Dog (2410 SE 50th Ave., 238-0737). For each Pink or Blue Ribbon Ringo ($9) or Pink Ribbon Buddy ($8) sold, Planet Dog donates at least 75 cents to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation or the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. Now that’s a present worth barking for!

83 Dog Bless This Mess

Looking for a cool—and non-embarrassing—gift for that schnauzer-obsessed CPA on your list? Well, nothing makes cleaning up taxing messes more fun than a doggie paper-towel holder ($35.95, PetUtopia , 8670 SW Scholls Ferry Road, Beaverton, 646-5937) . While we’d be hard pressed to place it on our countertop, it’s sure to beat giving your dog lover one more oven mitt in the shape of their favorite animal.

84 Don’t Be a Jerk-er

Tired of your dog walking you, instead of you walking your dog? Well, someone has finally devised an ergonomically correct pet-walking device called the Wacky Walk’r ($24-$30, Pdxdog.com [formerly The Pearl Retriever], 526 NW 13th Ave., 295-6960). Like one of those resistance bands you use at the gym, this flexible rubber tubing delivers a force-inhibiting stretch that will lessen the stress you and your pet encounter on your daily outings and allow you to stop jerking them around—literally.

85 It’s Chewy and Jew-y!

Why should gentile pets get all the goodies? It’s not just about what goes in the tummy at progressive pet-food supplier Meat (2250 E Burnside St., 236-6971). They also have gifts, including the purr-fect item for the Hebrew hound or kosher kitty. It’s the Gefilte Fish ($10 ). A blue-and-white denizen of the deep with “gefilte” emblazoned on its side, this footlong plush dreidel alternative even says “oy vey!” when squeezed in the middle. Now, could it hurt for you to call your mother?

86 Every Dog Has His Book

Groucho Marx got it right: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” That said, there’s a ton of literature dedicated to the ruff-’n’-tumble world of pets and pet ownership. Here’s just a few to choose from: For the person who considers their dog part of the family, Patricia McConnell’s For the Love of a Dog (Powell’s City of Books) delves into the deep bonds we make with our pets. In Alfie’s Bark Mitzvah ($18, Barnes&Noble, 18300 NW Evergreen Parkway, Beaverton, 645-3046 and other locations), little Alfie passes from puppyhood to full adulthood with his very own “bark” mitzvah. Written by Shari Cohen, the book includes a CD of children’s songs created especially for the book by Cantor Marcelo Gindlin. And for those who need help with their pet’s ultimate passing, pet-loss support expert Enid Traisman hands out copies of her My Pet Remembrance Journal free of charge to grieving pet owners at DoveLewis Animal Hospital. (1945 NW Pettygrove St., 228-7281, and other locations).

Gimme More

Lost in Translation:

“Blah, blah, meow?” Now you can finally discover what that look means with If Cats Could Talk: The Meaning of Meow by Michael Fertig ($7, Friends’ Library Store, Multnomah County Library, 801 SW 10th Ave., 988-6762). Poor thing’s been misunderstood for years.

Who Says Cows Aren’t Tuff?

Even if your puppy is a vegetarian, they can still have fun with “Bevo the Bull” ($31.99, Pet Loft, 6333 SW Macadam Ave., #104, 244-9538), one of the strongest plush toys on the market.

Slug Bug:

This Slug Family ($9.50, Cat’s Meow, 3538 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 231-1341) , made by local company Trillium Artisans, includes a mommy slug and a baby slug filled with catnip.