[December 5th, 2007]

96 Undercover Tolerance

Contrary to what you might think, Lesléa Newman’s The Boy Who Cried Fabulous ($7.95, Annie Bloom’s Books, 7834 SW Capitol Highway, 246-0053) isn’t a coming-out story. Or is it? Roger tries to go “straight to school,” but gets sidetracked by the fabulousness of everything. Eventually, his parents come to value him for who he is. Insidious, huh? No wonder some right-wingers want Wal-Mart to stop carrying the beautifully illustrated, totally nonpolitical children’s book. Either that, or they just hate kids.

97 Da Balm

Without fail, the scent-mixing scientists over at the Kiehl’s lab of classic beauty products are at it again this year, with a quadruple threat of limited edition, hand-poured beeswax candles ($28, Kiehl’s, 712 NW 23rd Ave., 223-7676) . Ideal for filling them stockings, the aromatic Pear Tree Corner blends Christmas spirit and fruity goodness, and the Cranberry version will make your humble abode smell like Turkey Day all year long. While you’re at it, throw in Kiehl’s Lip Balm #1 with SPF 15 ($8.50, Kiehl’s) , available in pear and cranberry flavors for the ho-ho season. Get your gloss on pre-mistletoe. (EB)

98 ’Tis the Season to Be Manly

PGE executives and die-hard fans of The Red Green Show will jump for joy over Brad Finkle’s Holiday Hero: A Man’s Manual for Holiday Lighting ($9.95, Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651) , an absurdly detailed guide to out-cheering the Joneses, complete with worksheets, diagrams and inflatable snowmen. We imagine it will be a big hit on Peacock Lane this year.

99 Get a Clue

Sure, we’re at the one-year mark and only halfway through election season, and sure, we’ve become so inured to political hypocrisy that we don’t even blink anymore when Giuliani claims to have foreign-policy experience, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still need help understanding the lingo. Take a hint from this jar of jargon ($10, imagineeringstore.com) , a tiny dictionary of common buzzwords delivered, appropriately, in a 4-ounce glass jar.

100 Ooh, Snap!

They don’t taste much different from Wrigley’s, but the thematic packaging of these Bush, Clinton and Cheney chewing gums ($1.25, Funny Bone, 617 SW Washington St., 241-0455) makes them the perfect candy for election-season ruminations. Contemplate Dick’s smirk as you chew over the results of the latest debate, but make sure you don’t swallow—it’ll stay in your gut until next November.

101 Lousy With Ginchy Dipsy-Doodles

We on the cutting edge of contemporary culture live in constant fear that—horror of horrors—we’ll one day fall far enough behind the curve that our speech will become comprehensible. Oh noes! Fortunately, these Vintage Slang Flashcards ($18.95, Hello Portland, 525 NW 23rd Ave., 274-0771) reach back to the past for the coded speech of tomorrow’s hipsters. It’s off the cob.

102 It’s a School in a Box

Forget grad school. That shit is hard, man! Take the fast track and save yourself $100,000 or so with Law School in a Box or Med School in a Box ($14.95, mentalfloss.com) from Mental Floss magazine. These handy packages include a condensed textbook, “Heroes of Medicine/Law” trading cards, a quickie exit exam and a diploma with real Latin that’s only slightly less sketchy than a certificate from Bob’s House o’ LLMs.

103 No Depression

To hell with the Magic 8-Ball, with its concrete judgments and overbearing tone. When life gets you down, you need a compliment, not an order. Pick up the friendly yellow Affirmation Ball ($6.50, Little Finnegan’s, 802 SW 10th Ave., 221-0306) , and you’ll get nothing but positivity: “Have you lost weight?” “People like you!” “You can do it!” Now that’s more like it.

104 Gimme Cultcha

Why load up a stocking with DVDs that will get watched once before being shoved in a closet when you can give one-of-a-kind theater experiences? For a very special gift, there’s the flex pass for Portland Center Stage’s spring lineup ($172-$492, 445-3700) , a bundle that’s good for eight tickets to one show, one to eight, or anything in between. For a more modest gift, try Artists Rep’s five-play pass ($100-$199.87, 241-1287) , for shows including The Rabbit Hole and History Boys . If you’re on a budget, go for a pair of tickets to a Third Rail show ($25 each, thirdrailrep.org) for a cheap gift that doesn’t sacrifice artistic merit.

105 Message-in-a-Tin Can

Some sentiments are worth waiting for. If your relatives aren’t the sort who need a thank you right now , send them a message bean ($14.95, spoonsisters.com) , which looks at first like a can full of dirt. Add water, though, and in about a week a large bean will sprout with a message—“thank you,” “happy holidays,” etc.—burned into the side with a laser. In a frantic world, these are a miracle of patience.

Gimme More

Hard Candy:

For those who don’t want their love affair with candy to hurt their street cred, we give you Grillz Candy ($3.95, Funny Bone, 617 SW Washington, 241-0455) . Your front teeth will be covered in ice, while your back teeth will be covered in cavities.

Merrily Loaded Questions:

With queries like “What is your favorite holiday smell?” the Christmas Mini Box of Questions ($6.95, Birdies, 7847 SW Capitol Highway., 892-8240) should get more interesting the more eggnog you drink.

Stop Your Stitchin’:

How do you know you’ve become obsessed with a hobby? When you need the Stitch ‘N Bitch Page-A-Day Calendar ($12.99, Portland State University Bookstore, 1715 SW 5th Ave., 226-2631) , which not only tells you the date, but also gives you daily tips and techniques to master your craft.