[December 5th, 2007]

1 Desk Toys for the Thinking Set

Why stare at a bunch of endlessly clacking ball-bearings when you could be composing some short verses? Words Cubed ($19.95, Target, 9800 SE Washington St., 252-5850 and other locations) is a set of eight wooden blocks—word dice, if you will—to be arranged and rearranged into endless (well, 279,936, if you want to get technical) poetical phrases. Don’t like the words provided? Paint over them and add your own! We like “scrofulous,” “whittle” and “gawk.”

2 Totally Tubular

Is there anything you can’t plug your iPod into these days? We’ve seen i-compatible shoes, gloves, and even a toilet-paper holder, but this takes the cake: The Fatman iTube ($699, Stereotypes, 1401 SE Morrison St. #115, 280-0910) is a high-end vacuum-tube amp—the kind serious audiophiles hook up to their $10,000 turntables—with an iPod dock. Listening to 128 kbps MP3s on a luxe stereo system doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but damn, is it pretty.

3 DIY Vinyl

The coveted creepy-cute Unipo brand of vinyl figurines has made a lot of money for Portland’s UNKL, but until now it has only been a vehicle for elite artists and designers. Now you can paint your own 6-inch Unipo ($30, Compound/Just Be Toys, 107 NW 5th Ave., 796-2733) and let it loose on the world. Will it feature primary colors? Intricate calligraphy? Overt obscenity? It’s up to you.

4 Time is on Your Side

For some people, a normal alarm clock just doesn’t cut it. After all, what’s the use when the snooze button is within easy reach? Meet Clocky ($60, Cheeky B, 906 NW 14th Ave., 274-0229) , an oddly adorable clock that runs away. You get one chance to get out of bed on time before the cheeky bastard hops off your nightstand, beeping randomly, and rolls into a corner to hide. You’ll get up furious, but at least you’ll be up.

5 Back to Basics

Get in touch with your artistic roots with these handsomely crafted pinhole cameras from Zero Image ($125-$250, Blue Moon Camera Company, 8417 N Lombard St., 978-0333) . These are about as basic as a camera can get: just a compact wooden box with brass knobs for advancing the film and a tiny hole behind a spring-loaded shutter that produces beautiful, ghostly images.

6 AM/FM Erotica

We’re not generally ones to blatantly fetishize design, but we’ll make an exception for the Mini Dolmen Radio ($60, Office, 2204 NE Alberta St., 888-355-7467) from Lyon design firm Lexon. Ooh, those heavy stainless-steel knobs. Aah, the sleek, dark, wood-and-metal finish. Mmm, that retro-futuristic antenna. Excuse us, we need to take a cold shower. And we’re taking the radio.

7 Time is on Your Wall

Don’t want an alarm clock that flees? How about one that displays the time and outdoor temperature on your ceiling, sets itself to the atomic clock, and forecasts the weather to boot? You get all that with the Atomic Projection Clock ($59.95, Oregon Scientific at Bridgeport Shopping Center, 7355 SW Bridgeport Road, 624-0980, oregonscientific.com) from Oregon Scientific. The only better way to get informed in bed is a wake-up call from Cokie Roberts.

8 Dentures Will Fly

Rock ’Em, Sock ’Em Robots are so last century. These days we toss our elderly relatives in the ring (before we ship them off to Soylent Corp.), where they fight dirty, handbags and all. Yes, fellas, it’s Boxing Grannies ($19.95, Funny Bone, 617 SW Washington St., 241-0455) , an interactive game of geriatric combat! Watch them hobble across the ring and go all Greatest Generation on each other’s asses.

9 Gee!

There’s a reason that one of Ernie Bushmiller’s Nancy comics is reproduced next to the American Heritage Dictionary ’s entry for “comic strip.” The beloved daily cartoon, now in its 70th year of syndication, pared the three-panel gag strip down to its most basic elements. Now, after years of dormancy, Sluggo and Nancy are once again venturing into the third dimension as vinyl toys from Dark Horse ($18, Missing Link, 3314 SE Belmont St., 235-0032) . Want something a little more sinister? Check out the creepy-cute Hell’s Proprietor ($74.99, Things from Another World, 10977 SE Main St., Milwaukie, 652-2752) , a friendly demonic bug pulled from the bizarre paintings of Glenn Barr.

Gimme More

Learning is Fun and so is Mud:

The Make Your Own Mud Clock ($19.95, OMSI, 1945 SE Water Ave., 797-4626 ) is essentially the same concept as the potato-powered clock, only mud is free and way more fun.

Just Like David Hasselhoff:

With the Mio C230 GPS with voice guidance ($149.99, RadioShack, 919 SW 5th Ave., 224-1716 ), you can officially stop waiting for them to invent the talking car.

Your Achy Breaky Floor:

Hey parents! Not sick of Hannah Montana yet? Good. Get your kids the Hannah Montana Dance Mat ($34.99, Toys ’R’ Us, 1800 Jantzen Beach Ctr., 289-4691 ), pop in the included DVD and see how sick of her you are then.