Best Place to Grab a Hangover Brunch

[July 23rd, 2008]

Screen Door

[The Arboretum] 2337 E Burnside St., 542-0880.

Alcoholics in the Arboretum District know the best restorative after a weekend bender is Screen Door’s signature chicken and waffle—half a crispy bird perched atop a sweet-potato waffle. Add some sweet tea and that hangover will retreat faster than the Yankees at Manassas. Take a Southerner’s advice: Grab a side of the cheddar grits.

Runner-up: Milo’s City Cafe

Gravy

[Baristaville] 3957 N Mississippi Ave., 287-8800.

This Mississippi joint has everything you would expect from a place called Gravy—and a dose of healthy stuff to boot. It’s locally famous for breakfast (the biscuits and gravy included), but if you’re short on time, you’re better off swooping in for lunch.

Runner-up: Beaterville Cafe

(TIE) Mother’s Bistro

[Central City] 409 SW 2nd Ave., 464-1122.

With its high windows, wooden built-ins and pastel paint job, ever-busy Mother’s is also as inviting as your mom’s kitchen (that is, if your mama is as accomplished as owner-chef Lisa Schroeder).

(TIE) The Roxy

[Central City] 1121 SW Stark St., 223-9160.Sweet neon Jesus! This Vaseline Alley 24-hour diner may not serve the best breakfast in town—but how would we know? We’ve never eaten there sober. The Dolly Parton stack sure soaks up the booze, though.

Stepping Stone Cafe

[El Dorado] 2390 NW Quimby St., 222-1132.

After a recent lunch interview over hash browns at this venerable greasy spoon, a theater director visiting from Mexico remarked, “This is wonderful. This is United States.” Aw, hell yeah.

Runner-up: Byways Cafe

Genies

[The Inseam] 1101 SE Division St., 445-9777.

Less than five years old, Genies is mature beyond its age, and it’s already one of the coolest places to be seen waiting for your Saturday-morning recovery brunch. You’ll be starving by the time you’re seated, and euphoric when you finally taste the veggie scramble with artichoke hearts.

Runner-up: Juniors

Fat City Cafe

[Neglected Southwest] 7820 SW Capitol Highway, 245-5457.

There are no frills at Fat City. The teensy cafe in Multnomah Village serves all-American breakfast food in its original form, unaffected by health or culinary trends. The scrambles are good, the biscuits are great, and the wait staff is prompt with the coffee.

Runner-up: Marco’s

Helser’s

[The New Frontier] 1539 NE Alberta St., 281-1477.

With the proliferation of gourmet tofu scrambles in this town, it’s refreshing to be able to get something as down-home as pigs in a blanket at this airy Alberta joint. Don’t worry about hunger pangs till tomorrow.

Runner-up: Tin Shed Garden Cafe

Arleta Library Cafe

[The Outer Limits] 5513 SE 72nd Ave., 774-4470.

Though at first glance it looks like just another coffee shop with its narrow dining room and fewer than 10 tables, this cafe on the edge of Mount Scott Park is much more: The place boasts some of Portland’s best biscuits and gravy.

Runner-up: Bar Carlo

Beaterville Cafe

[The Peninsula] 2201 N Killingsworth St., 735-4652.

There’s something incongruous about an automobile-themed breakfast joint seemingly staffed entirely by cyclists. But man, oh, man, is that strawberry jam worth a little cognitive dissonance.

Runner-up: Cup & Saucer Cafe

Genies

[The People’s Republic] 1101 SE Division St., 445-9777.See above.

Runner-up: Cricket Cafe

Fat Albert’s

[Sellwoodstockland] 6668 SE Milwaukie Ave., 872-9822.

Some people I’ve known say that Fat Albert’s is too greasy. Too greasy? It’s called Fat Albert’s for a reason! Bring on the biscuits and bacon and blueberry pancakes—Papa’s hungry!

Runner-up: Bertie Lou’s

(TIE) Alameda Cafe

[Siberia] 4641 NE Fremont St., 284-5314.

Hello, God. It’s me, an incredibly hungover resident of Northeast Portland. I’m praying you’ll create a breakfast that will heal my alcohol-poisoned body and sate my junkielike addiction to sugar and carbs. Please house this you-send in a quaint cafe filled with fresh flowers and diners that look like my parents if they ever got to retire and take a vacation. What? Northeast Fremont’s Alameda Cafe serves four deep-fried slices of “Santa Fe Railroad French Toast” rolled in cinnamon, sugar and corn flakes for $7.95? (“It’s fantastic,” swears server Amanda Gleason. “We sell a ton of it.”) Order me up a cup of Stumptown and a side of the two-decade-old cafe’s onion-and-pepper-laden breakfast spuds—I’m there. Amen.

(TIE) Tosis

[Siberia] 6120 NE Sandy Blvd., 284-4942.

This worn Sandy Boulevard diner boasts a menu that makes Denny’s offerings look cutting-edge. But when a gin-fueled karaoke rager at Yen Ha has done the locals wrong, there’s no better morning-after remedy. For 29 long, hard years, “Tosh” Belesiotis and company have been filling Northeast Portland’s queasy bellies with gooey American cheese omelettes studded with salty ham chunks, buttery hash browns and big-ass pancakes. And please, no “hali-Tosis” jokes. This diner’s name is pronounced “TAW-shees.”

Runner-up: Tin Shed Garden Cafe