Dividing and conquering the news.

[January 7th, 2004] WINNERS

Last week, detractors of Vera Katz chortled, "I told you so" as the Portland Family Entertainment experiment officially ended with the city more than $1.76 million in the hole. PFE's controversial 1999 deal to run Civic Stadium--er, PGE Park--was negotiated in secret by Katz, who then portrayed the pact as a big winner for city coffers, to great skepticism.

Grappling fans and tiny tots toasted the New Year--and the new regulations governing the estimable "sport" of pro wrestling that took effect as 2003 shuffled off. While "entertainment wrestling" still must register with the state boxing and wrestling commission, once-restrictive police oversight is gone. A new 6 percent tax on wrestling profits will benefit the Oregon State Police children's trust fund.

Portland skiers and snowboarders didn't have to go far on Thursday, when snow hit the metro area like volcanic ash, turning one local hill into a Winter Wonderland. Snowboards and sleds alike graced the hills of Mount Tabor, along with a few bathing-suit-clad teenagers equipped with water guns and children sliding down hills in Tupperware. Tabor has never been so busy--or so eroded.

LOSERS

The geniuses who knocked together the Classical Chinese Garden face city demands for $1 million to fix the Chinatown bauble's notoriously leaky pond. The damn thing has been disgorging about 30,000 gallons of water a day and has defied two attempts at repair. Here's hoping the architects understand the calming, healing power of tai chi.

Multnomah County furthered its stellar track record as an employer, agreeing to dish $136,000 to a former department manager who got the ax, she claims, because she took too much time off to fight breast cancer. Interestingly, the woman's annual salary amounted to just $58,000 a year, meaning it would have been cheaper for us if MultCo had just kept cutting her paychecks.

Young skateboarders who savor the feel of wind in their goofy haircuts screamed expletives at the news that as of this week, anyone under 16 has to wear a helmet when shredding.