All Nude News Revue

[February 16th, 2005] WINNERS

After the show, did they grab a pitcher to go? On Sunday night, Kentucky cradle-robber Loretta Lynn and pasty-faced Detroit rocker Jack White won a Grammy for Best Country Collaboration with Vocals for "Portland, Oregon ," their ode to an alcoholic hook-up in a nameless Rose City tavern. Now just one question remains: Is there a place in town that actually sells pitchers of sloe gin fizz?

Portland Public Schools Superintendent Vicki Phillips went a long way toward mending the abysmal relationship between the district and its employees last week when she canned HR director Steve Goldschmidt and two of his top aides. Considered public enemy No. 1 by union members, Goldschmidt may still collect more than $350,000 in severance—but Phillips has sent the right message.

Local cops survived a long weekend when PDX looked like the Wild West. Portland's Gang Enforcement Team kicked things off with a raid on five North Portland residences Thursday, cracking down after a rash of violence with five arrests. On Saturday, a Clackamas deputy shot a man after a high-speed car chase ended near Mall 205. A downtown shooting Saturday night ended with one man hospitalized and another locked down on attempted-murder charges. Sunday, parties unknown popped caps in a parking lot of Clackamas Town Center. What is this, D.C.?

LOSERS

Surprise, surprise—the Blazers once again absorbed some lousy PR. An internal memo, suggesting the team might refund miscreant Darius Miles' $150,000 fine for a recent suspension, "magically" appeared in the hands of Oregonian columnist John Canzano. Blazers prez Steve Patterson writes the "possible arrangement" off as common NBA protocol, and says any refund would find its way to a charity…maybe.

Parents and kids at six Portland schools are girding for battle after Superintendent Phillips, fresh from whacking Goldschmidt (see above), announced school-closure plans as part of a districtwide enrollment shake-up. Most of the targeted schools are in North or Northeast.

Northwesterners who use electricity have the jitters after Dubya announced budget plans that could push power costs into orbit. El Presidente wants the Bonneville Power Administration, which sells subsidized juice in Oregon and Washington, to start charging market rates. The proposal—which sent Cascadia's congressional delegation to orange alert—could boost ratepayers' bills by 20 percent. Which raises the question: What if Oregon and Washington had gone red in '04?