August 27th, 2008
“Son of a bitch, you’re running up the meter!”27 comments
August 20th, 2008
"Hey bro, remember me? You wrote that story about me in the paper."3 comments
August 13th, 2008
“It’s the Californians, man, the Californians are the worst.”15 comments
August 6th, 2008
The middle-aged man I picked up at Vendetta is in a hyperactively verbose lather ...0 comments
July 23rd, 2008
When I step into the obese old woman's apartment5 comments
July 16th, 2008
The obese old woman at Fred Meyer has a bad hip and a wheelchair...8 comments
July 9th, 2008
“...I need to take a shower first and wash all of this blood off.”6 comments
July 2nd, 2008
“So I’ve got these two women in the back of my cab who just refuse to get out...”8 comments
June 25th, 2008
“My friend’s getting divorced, and he’s really drunk,” says the bartender...8 comments
June 18th, 2008
There’s nothing like a good Friday night, and I’m referring to the money.3 comments
[May 18th, 2005] "You want to smoke some weed?" I hear this question at least once a week, and not just from people trying to avoid paying their fare.
People will offer anything to dodge their fare, from weed to a line of coke to cunnilingus, but that's another column. This weed question, it kills me every time. Hamlet's speech about man being "the beauty of the world! The paragon of animals" flickers through my head and I wonder what drug he was on.
Hello!? Hello!? No, I don't want to smoke some weed-I'm driving. In fact, I am the person driving your drunk/stoned/tweaked ass home so that you get there in one piece. The toplight on my cab is a little beacon of safety to light your way.
My risking my neck out here goes an immeasurable way toward saving yours and those of your friends. You can hit a show at Berbati's, drink, walk over to Sinferno, drink more, smoke God knows what and/or snort some damn thing in a bathroom along the way, stagger out onto Burnside barely ambulatory, and like magic, I or one of my compatriots will appear to spirit you away to wherever you're going to sleep it off. And when I do so, do you want me to be even one tiny fraction as fucked up as you are at that moment? I didn't think so.
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I don't have any problem with drugs, incidentally. Just feckless stupidity. Oh, and people puking in my cab. Do that and you'll regret doing it more than I'll regret having to clean it up-and that is a considerable amount.
RECENT COMMENTS ON “"You want to smoke some weed?"”
night cabbyI enjoy reading your column every week.I drove for Yellow Cab in Columbus for 5 1/2 years back in the early 70's as I worked my way through Ohio State University.It is funny to see t...
weedweed should b 4 every one to have with out geting in trouble—grips
I don't have any problem with drugs, incidentally. Just feckless stupidity. Oh, and people puking in my cab. Do that and you'll regret doing it more than I'll regret having to clean it up-and t...
