Trying to rip off a crack dealer

[June 1st, 2005] Trying to rip off a crack dealer is a pretty stupid thing to do. I'm taking this skinny teenage boy and his even skinnier girlfriend to a Northeast street corner at 1 am. The boy gets out, leaving the door hanging wide open. This is not a good sign. I consider my options while keeping the car in drive, one foot on the gas, the other on the brake.

Idiot kid returns, saying his "friend" was not home, would I please drive around the corner? Were it not for the girlfriend, who looks all of 14, I'd kick them out. I figure I'll ditch Idiot Kid when he gets out again, and maybe take her home.

But when we next stop, he doesn't actually get out of the cab. He's half in, half out, negotiating with a puffy-parka-wearing individual, who is accompanied by two other puffy-parka-clad individuals. The only thing stupider than trying to rip off a crack dealer is trying to rip off a crack dealer who is backed up by two homies openly carrying guns-guns I now see because they are pulling them.

Idiot Kid falls back into the cab yelling, "Go, go, go!" like he's in a goddamned movie, but I'm already gone.

When we get to a nice, well-lit gas station, I turn around and let him have it with every insult I can think of. He starts blubbering and asks me to take them to his mom's house. He'll give me all the money he has if I promise to not tell her what happened.

I want to stay angry, but something about that is too hilarious for words.