August 27th, 2008
“Son of a bitch, you’re running up the meter!”27 comments
August 20th, 2008
"Hey bro, remember me? You wrote that story about me in the paper."3 comments
August 13th, 2008
“It’s the Californians, man, the Californians are the worst.”15 comments
August 6th, 2008
The middle-aged man I picked up at Vendetta is in a hyperactively verbose lather ...0 comments
July 23rd, 2008
When I step into the obese old woman's apartment5 comments
July 16th, 2008
The obese old woman at Fred Meyer has a bad hip and a wheelchair...8 comments
July 9th, 2008
“...I need to take a shower first and wash all of this blood off.”6 comments
July 2nd, 2008
“So I’ve got these two women in the back of my cab who just refuse to get out...”8 comments
June 25th, 2008
“My friend’s getting divorced, and he’s really drunk,” says the bartender...8 comments
June 18th, 2008
There’s nothing like a good Friday night, and I’m referring to the money.3 comments
[June 1st, 2005] Trying to rip off a crack dealer is a pretty stupid thing to do. I'm taking this skinny teenage boy and his even skinnier girlfriend to a Northeast street corner at 1 am. The boy gets out, leaving the door hanging wide open. This is not a good sign. I consider my options while keeping the car in drive, one foot on the gas, the other on the brake.
Idiot kid returns, saying his "friend" was not home, would I please drive around the corner? Were it not for the girlfriend, who looks all of 14, I'd kick them out. I figure I'll ditch Idiot Kid when he gets out again, and maybe take her home.
But when we next stop, he doesn't actually get out of the cab. He's half in, half out, negotiating with a puffy-parka-wearing individual, who is accompanied by two other puffy-parka-clad individuals. The only thing stupider than trying to rip off a crack dealer is trying to rip off a crack dealer who is backed up by two homies openly carrying guns-guns I now see because they are pulling them.
Idiot Kid falls back into the cab yelling, "Go, go, go!" like he's in a goddamned movie, but I'm already gone.
When we get to a nice, well-lit gas station, I turn around and let him have it with every insult I can think of. He starts blubbering and asks me to take them to his mom's house. He'll give me all the money he has if I promise to not tell her what happened.
I want to stay angry, but something about that is too hilarious for words.
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