GAY OR PORTLANDER?

[June 15th, 2005] After years of writing the Queer Window column, I've begun to see how much Portland's gay and straight men have in common, fashion-wise. After all, as gay men have come into our own, we've realized that we don't always have to drive in the high-style lane on the fashion highway. In fact, here in indieville, it may be one of the only places on the planet where gay men steal more of their style from straight men than vice versa. From metro to hetero to full flaming queen, it's beginning to get really blurry when it comes to style. Local scenesters of all orientations-from Sissyboy's fearless queer Zebra to the Snuggle Ups' queer-acting straighties Brett W. and Liam K.-are dressing in a similar hipster-gay aesthetic. That's a worn, too-tight, horizontally striped T-shirt worn under a vertically striped blazer with raggedy jeans, appropriately shaggy hair and shoes.

To note this trend of passing style tips across the gay-straight cultural divide, we've shamelessly stolen cues from "Gay or _______," the anthropologically minded Details column that illustrates male stereotypes of all stripes and social classes. In light of this weekend's Pride Festival, this city's annual celebration of all things queer, it seems time to subject locals to a similar brand of gross generalization. I say it's time to claim Portland's deserved reputation as a down-style place. Here's to noticing and celebrating our sameness-like it or not.

Trucker cap: So two years ago-but hey, these standbys will never go out of style in Portland. You're still wearing one to cover up your bald spots, just like Ashton Kutcher, Mayor Potter, or your favorite barback at Boxxes.

The Brazilian: Forget styling your 'do into a faux-hawk like Thomas Lauderdale. Boys-gay or straight-want their sidewalls to look like the creamy insides of...oh, you can figure that out.

Aviator sunglasses: This accessory will help you navigate this town's queer-friendly nightlife scene. Or provide cover when you're scoping out a same-sex hottie-without letting your wife in on your "secret."

The Nanny Goat: Some gays call it a bitch hook. Straights call it a goatee. Whatever you call it, this year's updated look for facial hair-à la Gang of Four local hero Dave Allen-provides something for a pee-shy guy to stroke when stuck at Silverado's urinal.

Lower-back tattoo: Whether you're a Portland Trail Blazer or this town's nelliest hairdresser, a hard-to-decipher message calls attention to an attention-getting ass.

Flannel boxers: Great for washing your car or just wiping up after. Note: The most popular styles appear torn and worn around the waistline.

Penis jewelry: Whether it's a Prince Albert piercing or a vibrating cock ring, undercover bling is not just for the homos anymore.

Ladies' lo-rider jeans: Boot cut means butt cracks aren't just for plumbers anymore.

Converse tennies: Forget about wearing out your Adidas or Nikes. Save those for special occasions. In Rainville, the style-conscious have reverted to the practical pair you wore in high school. After all, do you really want to get your pretty little expensive track shoes mucked up with mud or other sticky stuff?