Fat, bats and rats! (OK, rodents.)

[August 31st, 2005] WINNERS

The whole nation is getting fatter-except Oregon ! That, at least, is what a nonprofit recently claimed. Of course, we'd already-ahem-made our gains, establishing a comfortable, double-wide berth as one of the fattest states in the West. But why scold? Celebratory Ho Hos for everyone.

With only traditionally well-attended Labor Day weekend games left to complete, baseball's Portland Beavers will meet their attendance goal of 5,000-plus fans per game. Now, if the minor-league club could just win some games...or at least close a deal to get an owner in place.

Plane geeks and Oregonians worried about airborne jihadists can exhale. A federal commission voted to keep the 18 F-15 fighters stationed right here at PDX. The vote isn't binding on President Bush but is part of a package that he must approve or reject in its entirety.

Annoying cell-phone yakkers won a reprieve from City Hall last week. Commissioner Dan "Big Pipe" Saltzman announced he was tabling a planned tax on the hand-held noise machines until his City Council-mates summon the courage to battle cell-service providers-or agree with him that the proceeds should go to schools rather than city services.

LOSERS

Mega-huge national developer Trammell Crow thought it lined up a sweet tax abatement for its proposed Alexan apartment building in the South Waterfront. Then the company ran into a 3-2 City Council vote against the tax break-a vote hailed by those who fear that city subsidies are paying for family-unfriendly housing.

OLCC: Only Likes Caucasian Clubbers? The Oregon Liquor Control Commission will investigate recent claims by a downtown club owner, who says an OLCC agent explicitly told him eight years ago that blacks belong in Northeast. The accusation underscores persistent-if unproven-gripes about the agency's racial outlook.

As if globalization, high fuel costs, flat prices, annoying Sideways fans and pricey organic certification weren't bad enough, Oregon farmers now face...A PLAGUE OF RODENTS! Swarms of mice are playing hell with the pinot noir crop, while their cousins the voles (furry little voles...scampering, squeaking little voles...voles...everywhere!) have unleashed a biblical-scale outbreak. Time to start praying to the Great Exterminator in the Sky.