August 27th, 2008
“Son of a bitch, you’re running up the meter!”27 comments
August 20th, 2008
"Hey bro, remember me? You wrote that story about me in the paper."3 comments
August 13th, 2008
“It’s the Californians, man, the Californians are the worst.”15 comments
August 6th, 2008
The middle-aged man I picked up at Vendetta is in a hyperactively verbose lather ...0 comments
July 23rd, 2008
When I step into the obese old woman's apartment5 comments
July 16th, 2008
The obese old woman at Fred Meyer has a bad hip and a wheelchair...8 comments
July 9th, 2008
“...I need to take a shower first and wash all of this blood off.”6 comments
July 2nd, 2008
“So I’ve got these two women in the back of my cab who just refuse to get out...”8 comments
June 25th, 2008
“My friend’s getting divorced, and he’s really drunk,” says the bartender...8 comments
June 18th, 2008
There’s nothing like a good Friday night, and I’m referring to the money.3 comments
[November 9th, 2005] Up until now, seeing someone's cock in my cab has not been a good thing. Like the guy who once got in, told me where he wanted to go, and thought he'd just casually rub one out on the way. "Hey, any bodily fluids in this cab and you pay a $50 cleanup fee!" I relate this story to the owner of the current cock; he howls, as do his friends.
They had all piled in the cab at once, all in Halloween costumes. My man was riding shotgun, and opened with, "Can you tell what I am?" He had little horns on, and his hair had been turned grey with powder. He was wearing a tweedy sort of frumpy overcoat, which he opened to reveal a prodigious dildo sticking up. "I'm a horny old man!" I laugh.
They tell me about the dildo shopping expedition: "I was like, I don't want to be spending more than $10 on a dildo." One of the girls in the back says, "But you can use it later." The guys start making slightly defensive jokes, inciting more teasing from us. Guys, trust me, generally dildos are far more fun when wielded by you rather than in the place of you.
The rest of the trip is a cacophonous riot of noise as everyone talks and laughs over each other the entire way, while also requesting the music be turned up. But one of the few things I was able to make out clearly was, "Hey, what if this turns up in Willamette Week?"
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