July 23rd, 2008
When I step into the obese old woman's apartment3 comments
July 16th, 2008
The obese old woman at Fred Meyer has a bad hip and a wheelchair...8 comments
July 9th, 2008
“...I need to take a shower first and wash all of this blood off.”6 comments
July 2nd, 2008
“So I’ve got these two women in the back of my cab who just refuse to get out...”8 comments
June 25th, 2008
“My friend’s getting divorced, and he’s really drunk,” says the bartender...8 comments
June 18th, 2008
There’s nothing like a good Friday night, and I’m referring to the money.3 comments
June 11th, 2008
The old man in the karaoke bar’s parking lot insists that he doesn’t need any help...0 comments
June 4th, 2008
“What’re you up to?” asks my dispatcher.6 comments
May 28th, 2008
The middle-aged guy is working on an oil ship...3 comments
May 21st, 2008
“How you doing tonight, man?”3 comments
[December 7th, 2005] The biggest bitch ever to get into my cab was a teeny girl who had to have been drinking on a fake ID. The whole way from Old Town to Lloyd Center, she was saying she was going to be sick. I told her to switch places with her friend at the window; she refused.
Finally, we got to the Taco Bell, and I again invited her to move, emphasizing that it was not optional. She refused again. She started bobbing her head back in forth in that gesture that always reminds me of a pigeon: "What I NEED to do right now is not MOVE at ALL." She actually did the "talk to the hand" gesture, too.
"Look, why can't you just move over to the window?!" She started yelling about how she needed to just be still, "and not MOVE one MOTHERFUCKING INCH."
"Sweetheart, you move your skinny ass six inches to the right or you'll be moving it six feet in whatever direction I throw you." Her friends looked like deer in headlights.
"Goddammit, I work in customer service, and I KNOW you can't talk to me like that, and if you keep talking to me like that I'll see that YOU get fired."
"Fuck you. Try it. Get out of the cab and throw up in the parking lot."
What killed me was the sense of entitlement radiating off of all of them. Damn kids. Yeah, I know, next I'll be telling them to get off my lawn.
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The biggest bitch ever to get into my cab
As a young GI in Germany we, shockingly, drank on occasion. So there I was in the back seat of a taxi with two other GI's. The one in the middle got sick, and gave me the signal. I rolled down the window and manged to drag him over my lap and get his head out the window. He puked, a lot. The German taxi driver calmly got out, retreaved a roll of paper towel from the trunk, and gave some to my buddy to wipe his mouth with. He did a quick wipe down of the door, and thanked us for not puking on the inside.
—markl32
The biggest bitch ever to get into my cab
I just politely tell my customers that the fee for barfing in my taxi is $100.00 if you barf on the outside of the cab, yet still on the cab, bargain price of $50. Anytime you need me to pull off, feel free to say so not a problem. Then I put down all of the windows and try not to take the turns to hard. FYI, those that have had to pay the $100 fee for barfing (by the way this is any bodily fluid u happen to leave in my taxi)have generally done so without complaint, or actually tipped, they are as embarassed by the whole thing as I am discusted.
I once did the same as mentioned by the GI, I decided to be nice, he did try to get out the window, but had hit the switch earlier trying to lock or unlock, or do something with the door, and barfed on the window. However, being schemish, i gave him paper towels, and a bottle of windex, told him I generally charge 50 bux, but as long as he's takin care of the housework it's on me tonight.
He was pissed, he couldn't belive I was making him clean his own barf off of my window! He yelled the entire time. And lesson learned, the keys were in the ignition, I had no spare with me, he hit the lock switch, told me the window was clean, and walked away.
Now locked out of my running in the middle of the street on 2nd, double parked taxi, I walked over to the bouncer at Kells, and asked to use a phone (that to was in the cab). He gladly let me use his own cell, and was just as happy to wander over and let the security at the door not let my barfer in, if you can't hold it in, ya don't need anymore ;)
I happened to have rented dvd's earlier that night, and they were in my jacket pocket, I managed to get my door open b4 I even got ahold of dispatch for a new set. Before I drove off, I made sure to let the cabs waiting outside of kells know not to let that guy in their cars, and pass it along to the other cabbies, later they told me they even smiled pretty and told him I said good luck getting home as they turned him down cold.
—MzCabbie
Ah, customer service at its best
Thank you for not going that pathetic corporate apology approach that sounds like one kissing someone's ass constantly. Some fares may not be worth the few bucks, but the time and the endurance to clean up the puke.
—Bryan Dorr