Leaded chocolate and fearsome furriers.

[April 5th, 2006] WINNERS

Score one for animal-rights protesters demonstrating weekly outside Schumacher Fur Co. at Southwest 10th Avenue and Yamhill Street. City Commissioner Randy Leonard and police have suggested that the store leave downtown after store owner Gregg Schumacher put on his Bull Connor act, calling female protesters "whores" and posting signs saying activists should be zapped with electrical prods.

The Oregonian's ceaseless cheerleading for PGE (the company that has pocketed nearly $900 million earmarked for the taxman) paid off big on Monday. The daily got to replace its usual run of self-promotional ads with three full pages paid for by PGE. The ostensible reason for PGE's largesse: the reissue of company stock—a convoluted process that still leaves the utility under Enron's effective control for years to come.

Oregon's unchurched got to raise a hallelujah chorus of "We told you so!" after a Harvard Medical School study reported last week that heart patients weren't helped by prayer. Add that to your list of cosmic mysteries.

LOSERS

Does Oregon's Department of Corrections need refresher classes in first aid as well as phone etiquette? A woman has filed a $120,000 lawsuit claiming she received a voice-mail message from the Snake River Correctional Institution in Eastern Oregon saying her imprisoned husband was dead, The Oregonian reports. In fact, the inmate was alive. Here's a tip from health class: Check the wrist or carotid artery for a pulse.

Yes, we know the Trail Blazers have been losing all season long. But dropping their 11th straight game Sunday to woeful Seattle by 39 points? With players quitting and nine games left, the only franchise record this team has a chance of beating is highest number of consecutive losses: 13.

Oregon-based Dagoba Organic Chocolate is recalling 40,000 pounds of melt-in-your-mouth bars, drops and bricks because of high lead levels. Missing your high, chocoholics? Some say sex and meth are both just as addictive and satisfying.