Clock Blockin'

[May 24th, 2006] Why be happy for only an hour? Portland bars invent so many creative, off-hours happy hours that you could eat and drink (on a shoestring) all day long. With options from Jell-O shots to breakfast specials and bloody marys on weekends, remembering who serves what cheap and when takes a lot of work. With our quick-reference happy-hour organizer, you can spend less time planning and more time getting sloshed.

7:00AM Spare Room

The cruel world can be hard to face in the wee hours of the morning. The Spare Room eases the pain with a dining room so quiet, peaceful and dim you'd think you were still in the womb. Three-dollar breakfasts don't hurt, either, and drinks are only $2 from 7 to 8 am. You'll like it so much you'll come back for the nightly old-timer entertainment, like free dance lessons (Thursday) and bingo (Monday). 4830 NE 42nd Ave., 287-5800. Breakfast specials 7-11 am daily, dance lessons 7-8 pm Thursday, bingo 7-9 pm Monday.

9:00AM Joe's Cellar

Joe's caters to graveyard-shifters and anyone else who needs a little help getting through the morning with $1 off all cocktails: Well drinks, including bloody marys, are $2, and a Bailey's coffee runs $3.75, a good deal for what's basically a whole glass of Irish cream poured over a dropperful of weak-ass coffee. 1332 NW 21st Ave., 223-8825. 7-10 am daily.

11:00AM Silverado

It doesn't take a genius to attract customers when you've got nekkid boys. Getting people to come in before the boys get nekkid is a whole other story, which is why this gay strip joint offers happy hour ALL DAY (9 am-8 pm). Pints from $1.50 ain't bad, but the fun is in the daily specials, like Wednesday night's "Pucker Party," with free pool and $1 shots. There aren't many grub discounts, but the mountainous platters of fried chicken and spuds ($5.25) are big enough to dive into and roll around in. 1217 SW Stark St., 224-4493. Happy hour 9 am-8 pm Monday-Saturday, 9 am-9 pm Sunday, Pucker Party 8 pm-2:30 am Wednesday.

2:00PM Pambiche

This Cuban restaurant sort of does what Chili's is getting at, except they do it right: Sipping a pulpy sangria ($4) and soaking in the fruity colors and flavors of the Caribbean during Pambiche's Hora del Amigo creates an instant sense of beatific well-being. La merienda is Spanish for all kinds of sweet and salty Caribbean snacks, like fried yuca root, a welcome departure from French fries, and flaky guava empanadas, both $2.75. 2811 NE Glisan St., 233-0511. 2-6 pm Monday-Friday, 10 pm-midnight Friday-Saturday.

4:00PM Rialto Poolroom

The Rialto is like a pop-culture representation of macho hustler culture: seedy, but a little too slick to be believable. It's worth braving the very cool but totally unhip pool hall/off-track betting parlor for ex-ripe chef Spence Lack's upscale bar food, which at happy hour is happily affordable and surprisingly healthy: A small but richly flavored cup of soup, like Manhattan seafood chowder, costs $2, and oyster shooters are 50 cents each. Microbrew drafts and big-ass well drinks are $1 off. 529 SW 4th Ave., 228-7605. 4-7 pm Monday-Friday.

6:00PM Slabtown

Living up to downtown and Northwest's hipness can be exhausting. Get real at Slabtown, which is refreshing not only because of the absence of attitude, but because it boasts one of the few happy-hour deals that really is one: The food and drinks are cheap and generous from 4 to 6:30 pm, so you can enjoy a PBR ($1.50) and an Altengartz bratwurst or mountain of nachos (both $3) for less than a fiver. 1033 NW 16th Ave., 223-0099. 4-6:30 pm daily.

7:00PM Berbati's Pan

With three bars in a row (Berbati's is sandwiched between Shanghai Tunnel and XV) offering sidewalk seating, it's an instant party in the warmer months. Bask in the sunshine and ogle cute bike messengers while enjoying some of downtown's cheapest and tastiest bar food, like $3 fried calamari gyros and $1 fries. Wash down the salt with a $2 pint or well. 215 SW Ankeny St., 248-4579. 5-7 pm nightly.

9:00PM Olea

Olea's selection of miniature desserts ($2 each) at its innovative sweets hour are so wee and darling you'll clap your hands and giggle like a little girl. The dairy-drenched tres leches cake is like doll's food with artistically perfect plating. Plus, the sweets' small stature means more calories (and cash) reserved for booze, like the creamy café marula ($8) or tangy Olea daiquiri ($7). 1338 NW Hoyt St., 274-0800. 8-10 pm Sunday-Thursday, 9-11 pm Friday-Saturday.

11:00PM My Father's Place

This dad is no-nonsense: Glasses of liquor are topped off with just enough orange juice or Coke for a little color, and the entire bar menu is fried. Normal happy-hour prices (25 cents off well and beer) aren't worth going out of your way for, but nightly specials run until beer-thirty and offer some real steals, like free pool (Tuesday), $3 bloody marys (Saturday and Sunday) and $1 Jell-O shots (Sunday), the way to relive high school. 523 SE Grand Ave., 235-5494. Happy hour 5-7 pm weekdays, free pool 7 am-2:30 am Tuesday, $3 bloody marys 7 am-2:30 am Saturday-Sunday, $1 Jell-O shots 7 am-2:30 am Sunday.