HABITAT: Cracking the Code

West Hills Could be Forest Park. Or Scappoose.

E-Z Care Yard The yard is completely covered with concrete, or it's the size of a bathtub.

Room to Grow Tiny house the size of a garage.

Charming, Cute or Quaint Really goddamned small.

Ranchalow Not a ranch house, not a bungalow—a crappy post-1940s house that has had all of the redeeming modernist chic stripped out.

Updated Kitchen 1970s avocado green or 1980s mauve and electric teal color scheme.

Needs a Little TLC! Needs new roof and foundation.

Bring Your Tools and Your Imagination! You'll need an unlimited expense account at the local hardware store and a good contractor.

Agent Will Entertain All Offers Something is seriously wrong with this house, and the real estate agent is getting desperate.

Original Owner Sure, you'll get a period-piece kitchen that looks like a retro housewares catalog. But you'll also get the bad wiring, an old, leaky oil tank, and 70 years of Grandma's junk in the attic, basement and garage.

Gardener's Paradise Large, overgrown jungle of a yard covered in blackberry bushes and weeds.

Perfect Starter Home This house sucks, but it's all you can afford.