Have you seen me?

[April 25th, 2007] All too often, the critics of WW's Screen section are denied access to movies that the studio bosses don't think we'll treat with proper respect. (The artists behind The Hills Have Eyes II apparently suffer from delicate constitutions.) This leaves us with a burning curiosity about what we're missing. What, for example, is the fate of the Firehouse Dog after he noses his way into his first fire truck? Does he pee on vital hoses? Does he become a rallying point for America's heroes? Does he develop a tragic Snausage addiction? We need to know these things , though not so much that we'll pay full price.

Which is why we need you, loyal readers, to clear up these mysteries. Every week we will offer you the opportunity to tell us, in 100 words or less, exactly what happens in the course of an unreviewed movie. Spoilers are encouraged; sardonic wit is expected. The reader who best describes the week's movie will be rewarded with a prize from our metastasizing pile of studio schwag.

This week's unseen movie is Kickin' It Old Skool, which stars Jamie Kennedy as a breakdancer who slips, literally, into a coma and awakens 20 years later to astonish us all with his butterfly kicks. It looks absolutely wretched. We can't imagine why anybody would watch it—unless they were being offered a fabulous prize! The movie opens Friday, April 20, and your deadline is Monday, May 1. Show us your power moves.