August 27th, 2008
“Son of a bitch, you’re running up the meter!”7 comments
August 20th, 2008
"Hey bro, remember me? You wrote that story about me in the paper."3 comments
August 13th, 2008
“It’s the Californians, man, the Californians are the worst.”13 comments
August 6th, 2008
The middle-aged man I picked up at Vendetta is in a hyperactively verbose lather ...0 comments
July 23rd, 2008
When I step into the obese old woman's apartment5 comments
July 16th, 2008
The obese old woman at Fred Meyer has a bad hip and a wheelchair...8 comments
July 9th, 2008
“...I need to take a shower first and wash all of this blood off.”6 comments
July 2nd, 2008
“So I’ve got these two women in the back of my cab who just refuse to get out...”8 comments
June 25th, 2008
“My friend’s getting divorced, and he’s really drunk,” says the bartender...8 comments
June 18th, 2008
There’s nothing like a good Friday night, and I’m referring to the money.3 comments
[November 21st, 2007]
The guy with wide, crazy eyes has the door open and is sprawled across the backseat before I know what’s happened. I curse myself for not having the door locked, and am glad to hear that it’s a short trip.
He begins to rant about how no one in Portland respects him. He played in the NFL for Christ’s sake, for the Redskins. Do I have any idea what that means?
I ask what position he played.
Defensive end, he says.
Unwisely, I laugh, and tell him that I think of those guys as being up around 275 pounds. He explains that even though he’s skinny now, it’s because he’s been doing more aerobics. He says that he’s still really strong, and as proof he holds his fist out where I can see it.
It’s as big as my knee, the arm coiled in muscle.
He mentions that he’s also picked up a heroin habit—that helps keep his weight down, too. He changes his destination, then changes it again. He’s fuming about his lack of respect, and that he can’t remember where to score more dope. For only the second or third time, I find myself considering the panic button.
I pull up to the bar he’s settled on, and as he pays he asks if we’re going to drive around all night, hang out together.
An order thankfully pops up, and I tell him I need to go. He tosses me a big tip anyway.
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RECENT COMMENTS ON “Defensive end, he says.”
note to jeff: that was funny.
three months into my addiction i definitely would have won. three years into it, i would have sat on the bench and waited for the fucking bus to arriv...
Had a friend who had a habit. He was the one who came up with the above idea, twenty years ago. At the time, I wasn't even a nicotine addict so didn't understand what he meant. He's not around anym...
heroin bad. use weed and xtasy kids, do not touch that poison.
Jeff...I think I love you.
Seriously-that is the best idea I've ever heard in my entire life and I almost soaked my keyboard with the coffee that just came spewing out of my mouth...
