[December 19th, 2007]

Do you hate Christmas music?

Do you reach for the shortest noose or sharpest blade when the holidays roll around? Do you vomit in your throat (just a little, even?) each time young carolers pass? You need the new holiday benefit compilation from LocalCut, WW ’s music site, Another Grey Christmas ! Packed with some of the finest pop musicians in PDX, Another Grey Christmas is a holiday album for those who despise holiday albums!

• REJOICE to the beat of Starfucker’s “Happy Fucking Holidays”!

• SHRIEK as Emilie Strange asks for realistic and environmentally conscious gifts in her remake of “Santa Baby”!

• GRIMACE with Lackthereof’s Danny Seim as he feigns excitement for the holidays!

• CRY while Kaitlyn Ni Donovan sings the saddest Chipmunks cover ever!

Plus more exclusive songs by Ben Barnett, Tractor Operator, Jeff Saltzman and Nick Jaina among others!

In all seriousness, WW ’s pleased as rum punch to offer up the best last-minute holiday gift ever: Another Grey Christmas will be limited to 100 copies, handprinted (with art by Fantagraphics books’ Adam Grano) and for exclusive sale ($10) at the Tender Loving Empire store (1720 NW Lovejoy St. #109, tenderlovingempire.com) , online at Boy Gorilla Records (boygorilla.com) and at WW ’s offices (2220 NW Quimby St.) . Proceeds go to p:ear and benefit homeless and transitional youth in the Portland area. Download samples at Localcut.com or stream the entire album online at virb.com/anothergreychristmas.

Have a listen:

"Happy Fucking Holidays" by Starfucker

Download audio file (1_Starfucker_Happy_Fucking_Holidays.mp3)

"Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!" by Eskimo and Sons

Download audio file (13_eskimo_Merry_Christmas_Charlie_Br.mp3)

And now for something completely different: Check out the gigantic baby Jesus donut prepared for the birth of the LocalCut holiday comp by our friends at Voodoo Doughnut (22 SW 3rd Ave., 241-4704) ! Our sweet little cake baby has already been sold to a lucky PDXer for the low, low price of $24. Doughnut Jesus is a custom order, but we imagine Voodoo would bake it up again if someone wanted to really celebrate Christmas the way the Lord intended this year—with a massive sugar rush.

WEDNESDAY DEC. 19

[CHARITY PARTY] ’STACHE BASH

Mustaches for Kids’ big fundraiser and fashion show is a “cross between a beauty pageant, dog show and police lineup.” Proceeds go to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. ‘Nuff said. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St. 10 pm. 21+. $3 minimum donation.

[MUSIC] DANDY WARHOLS

What does a Dandy Warhols Christmas sound like? Just as classic as a A Charlie Brown Christmas , but stamped with the outfit’s trademark keyboards and spaced-out vocals. Roseland. 8 pm. $15. All ages. Also see music listings.

THURSDAY DEC. 20

[CHOIR] MESSIAH

Resistance is futile: Messiah is back. Portland Baroque Opera artistic director Monica Huggett leads the work with a clutch of new soloists. 909 SW 11th Avenue., 222-6000. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, Dec. 20-22. Call 800-494-8497 for tickets. $18-$48.

[MUSIC] TOYZ ’N THE HOOD

Christmas brings folks together. I don’t know if I’ve seen a better example of that than Cool Nutz co-headlining a show with muder-rap act Tragedy at Rock ’N’ Roll Pizza. Rock ’N’ Roll Pizza. 7 pm. Free. All ages. See music listings.

[MUSIC] GUMBO W/ LIV WARFIELD, HUNGRY MOB

A spicy combo: local soulstress Liv Warfield and MC-everyman Mic Crenshaw’s hip-hop/soul group, Hungry Mob. Fez Ballroom. 8 pm. $7. 21+. See music listings.

FRIDAY, DEC. 21

[SCREEN] SWEENEY TODD

Johnny Depp fillets his best customers in Tim Burton’s carotid-burstin’ adaptation of Stephen Sondheim’s tony-winning musical. Worth it just to hear Alan Rickman sing. Area theaters. See review.

[STAGE] BIGLITTLETHINGS

Imago’s endearing (and good) holiday show is back, fresh from a tour to Macau, China. Polar bears, worms, fish, anteaters and all. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 231-3959. 7:30 pm Fridays, 2 and 7 pm Saturdays, noon and 3 pm Sundays, 3 pm Dec. 24, 26-28 and Jan. 1-4. $16-$31.

TUESDAY, DEC. 25

[SCREEN] THE BIG LEBOWSKI

The start of a beautiful Christmas Day tradition: watching the Dude abide with a white Russian in your hand. Our fuckin’ troubles are over. Clinton Street Theater. 4, 7 and 9 pm. $4.