[January 9th, 2008]

Mary Allison Tadina wants to take off your pants. The 22-year-old Portland-born flight instructor is the instigator behind the city’s first ever

No Pants on MAX event. In a feat of nonironic titling, the event is exactly what it sounds like: Participants meet at the Lloyd Center MAX station on Saturday, Jan. 12 , and take off their pants. They get on the westbound MAX train. They attempt to act normal. “Well, you can to wear a winter coat and [hats and gloves],” Tadina explains, with a nod to the weather. “Just no pants.”

A stunt like this doesn’t need explaining in a city that also harbors mass pillow fights and Santa-packed drinking binges. Chaos-’n’-joy-spreading public scenes are practically a citywide pastime. The depantsing on MAX is actually an offshoot of an event staged in New York City by scene-makers Improv Everywhere. They’ve been planning flash mob-style events since 2001, from 111 men taking their shirts off at Abercrombie&Fitch and faking U2’s iconic rooftop performance to launching impromptu cell phone symphonies. In 2006, eight of the group’s “No Pants! Subway Ride” operatives were arrested for “disorderly conduct” (and later released and apologized to) by NYC’s finest. More than 300 people dropped trou on New York City’s subways for the sixth annual No Pants event last year.

“I’m soooo excited about this. I heard about [Improv Everywhere] on This American Life ,” explains Tadina. She says she tried to stage a No Pants event last year, and although 15 friends opted in, only two went through with it. “My little sister Elizabeth and her friend Evan showed up. We didn’t take off our pants. We went to breakfast at Denny’s instead.”

But 2008 comes with the support of Improv Everywhere, which has called for other cities to join in the pantsless onslaught, with events being planned in San Francisco; Boston; and Adelaide, Australia, among others. As of Monday, the Portland pantsing has 17 confirmed guests on its Facebook page, the Portland Cacophony Society had shown an interest in joining the ride and the infectiously enthusiastic Tadina says she’s been trying to “recruit” riders at her workplace, the Hillsboro Air Field. “This is about the Awesomeness of Portland,” she pleads. “We have other cities to show up.”

Tadina, who is planning on wearing a pair of pink-and-white boy shorts from Victoria’s Secret, isn’t worried about getting busted for her partial nudity. “It’s not illegal to ride around without pants. You’re covered,” she scoffs. “But no thongs, absolutely no thongs.

DO IT: No Pants on MAX participants are instructed to gather at Holladay Park near the Lloyd Center/Northeast 11th Avenue MAX Station. 4:30 pm Saturday, Jan. 12. No money needed, the ride will only extend through Fareless Square. For more info, visit Facebook.com and search “No Pants 2k8- Portland f-ing, Oregon” (must have a Facebook account to access site) or email nopantspdx@hotmail.com. Visit improveverywhere.com for amazing “No Pants” NYC videos and photos. ”

View Larger Map

WEDNESDAY JAN. 9

[MUSIC] CASIOTONE FOR THE PAINFULLY ALONE, CONCERN, PARENTHETICAL GIRLS

Owen Ashworth’s recent beep-boop delivery, “New Year’s Kiss,” a post-apocalyptic-sounding tale of depression and the aftermath of all that booze and partying makes those of us with lame NYE stories feel better about ourselves. The Artistery, 4315 SE Division St., 803-5942. 8 pm. $6. All ages.

THURSDAY JAN. 10

[MUSIC] EGYPTIAN LOVER, SAD MUSIC FOR HAPPY HUMANS

Egyptian Lover hasn’t changed his style in two decades, but who would ask for a change? The man is a drum-machine archeologist, an endearingly slowball rapper and a living underground legend. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 238-0543. 9:30 pm. Cover. 21+.

FRIDAY JAN. 11

[FILM] THERE WILL BE BLOOD

The best movie of 2007—and Daniel Day-Lewis turns “I drink your milkshake!” into the catchphrase of 2008. Seriously. It’s starting here: If you don’t see this movie, I drink your milkshake! Cinema 21. Friday-Thursday, Jan. 11-24. $4-$8. See review.

[SCREEN] REEL MUSIC 25

The NW Film Center’s month of melodic documentaries kicks off with 65 Revisited , a Bob Dylan documentary by D.A. Pennebaker that reveals more than an hour of new footage from the Don’t Look Back shoot. So, yes, he did look back. Whitsell Auditorium, Portland Art Museum. 7 pm Friday. $4-$7. See more Reel Music coverage.

[DESSERT] PIX B-DAY WEEKEND

An epic three-day orgy of chocolate, French bingo, champagne, cheese and indie rock marks the local pâtisserie’s fifth birthday. Pix Pâtisserie, 3402 SE Division St., 232-4407. Friday-Sunday, Jan. 11-13. Visit pixpatisserie.com for a full schedule of events. Free.

SATURDAY JAN. 12

[QUEER] HONORING QUEER PIONEERS

Hear from more than 20 leaders and activists in Oregon’s gay rights movement including Gov. Barbara Roberts, Terry Bean, Sam Adams and Donna Red Wing. Q Center, 69 SE Taylor St., 234-7837. 7 pm Friday (film screening); 7:30 pm Saturday (Q&A with queer leaders).

TUESDAY JAN. 15

[WORDS] COLSON WHITEHEAD

Pulitzer Prize finalist and Wordstock fave Whitehead is back. Arlene Schnitzer Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 796-9293. 7:30 pm. $10-$26.