Bunnies can hop with abandon. Sea lions must watch their backs.

[January 23rd, 2008]

Winners

1 Washington County’s bunnies have a little extra hop in their step now that Miriam Sakewitz, Hillsboro’s notorious rabbit hoarder, was caught allegedly violating her probation by keeping a rabbit and dog in her garage. She faces up to five years in jail—in a normal cell, not a bunny hutch.

2 Oregon State University men’s basketball coach Jay John got fired Sunday, meaning he no longer has to deal with leading the Pac-10’s worst team but must still be paid $1 million-plus through the 2009-10 season. Can we get canned, too?

3 Riding their desks to success, Portland’s highest-ranking cops won a legal battle against the Police Bureau and will continue to earn extra “executive leave.” At least they know how to serve and protect themselves.

Losers

1 Let the poker game begin: After a court ruled OHSU’s $200,000 liability cap is too low, the school responded to the resulting insurance hit with plans to cut millions in expenses. Those plans include axing the Russell Street Dental Clinic in Portland, which serves indigent patients . Your call, state lawmakers: Is OHSU bluffing?

2 We got your validated fare right here, buddy. TriMet killed its proposed changes to Fareless Square after hundreds of riders successfully fought like beasts to keep their free stuff, even if it’s a bus seat next to a wino.

3 Portland firefighter Brandon King is in the hot seat, the Portland Tribune reports, after admitting on the TV talk-show Dr. Phil that he slept with his family’s 18-year-old nanny, threatened his wife and punished his stepdaughter by soaking her with a hose in winter. Now King is on administrative leave, despite his expert marksmanship with a hose.

4 Flee or face the firing squad. That’s essentially what state officials have told Oregon’s sea lions , which they accuse of having insatiable appetites for salmon. The state intends to kill about 30 sea lions a year until they stop eating the endangered fish. Have animals ever considered a hunger strike?