Taking Out The Trash

[January 30th, 2008]

Supertrash, a 72-hour film and art festival at the Bagdad Theater, is a tribute to some of the most terrible—and undervalued—movies of all time. “There’s usually something that can be said for things people don’t get initially,” says organizer Jacques Boyreau. The festival will also feature live burlesque dancers, an exhibition of comic movie-poster art and the much-anticipated return of the Famous Mysterious Actor Show on Saturday night. (See Headout Picks for more.) Here’s what to expect from four of the featured films, along with the number of beers recommended for full enjoyment of each:

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Kurt Russell’s Jack Burton is a fast-talking, philosophizing truck driver who seems to be under the impression he has his own radio show broadcast from his truck’s two-way radio in John Carpenter’s camp classic. Yeah, old Jack seems to have all the answers, but even he couldn’t have predicted the outcome of his trip to San Francisco’s Chinatown one stormy night—which, as it happens, is the place and time for the ultimate cosmic showdown between good and evil. Russell’s over-the-top, poor man’s Harrison Ford performance is one of the greatest of its kind: His lines are delivered with a nonchalant drawl that adds additional syllables to words; he frequently quotes himself; and he performs the final fight scene with lipstick on his face, having just made out with Kim Cattrall in an elevator. Keep in mind, Kim Cattrall was even hotter in the ’80s. 11 pm Friday, Feb. 1, and 2:15 pm Saturday and Sunday, Feb. 2 and 3.

Return of the Dragon (1972)

Martial arts icon Bruce Lee’s solo writing and directorial debut was released in the U.S. as the sequel to the far superior Enter the Dragon , despite having been shot a year earlier. The chances of this movie being good were about the same as Francis Ford Coppola’s of roundhouse-kicking someone in the head, but the promise of its climax is worth every woeful second. The bad guys (whose evil plan basically consists of gaining legal ownership of a Chinese restaurant in Rome) eventually send away for a badass-for-hire known simply as Colt, played by none other than World Karate Champion and relentless political tornado Chuck Norris. Norris proves to be a worthy opponent of Lee and also shows once and for all that you don’t actually have to have any lines to be a terrible actor. Noon Saturday, Feb. 2.

Robocop 2 (1990)

Peter Weller reprises his role as the dry-witted torso of a man—and walking argument against checking the organ donor box at the DMV—who has been mutilated by villains and engineered into a crime-fighting robot. In director Irvin Kershner’s initial camera swoop of the socially decaying streets of Detroit, an elderly woman is almost flattened by a speeding car, after which a man pretending to be concerned violently grabs her purse and leaves her shrieking in the intersection. Ten seconds later, he is ambushed by a gang of hookers, who re-steal the contents of the woman’s purse. In another scene, a Little League baseball team robs an electronics store and bloodies its helpless owner with aluminum bats as their coach loads the merchandise into the back of his van. It must have been a tough job for then-obscure comics author Frank Miller to write the sequel to one of the most uncompromisingly violent and sardonic movies of all time, but Robocop 2 ’s scathing examination of the most brutal aspects of human nature and the eerily familiar depiction of corrupt private-sector pre-eminence make it hard to dismiss. And don’t worry—it’s still plenty violent. 4:20 pm Saturday, Feb. 2, and 4:05 pm Sunday, Feb. 3.

Road House (1989)

The opening credits have only just began rolling in Rowdy Herrington’s summation of everything wrong with the ’80s when Patrick Swayze is stabbed for the first time. Of course, he doesn’t even flinch—in fact, his body remains entirely still. This could mean either one of two things: Patrick Swayze is a pretty bad actor, or Dalton, his character, is the wrong guy to stab. As the nearly 9-minute credit sequence rolls on, Dalton is stitching his own wound when he is approached by Frank Tilghman (Kevin Tighe), owner of the Double Deuce in Jasper, Mo., who needs help cleaning it up and wants the best in the business. By the time the credits wrap up, Dalton arrives in Jasper, an old-fashioned small town where every man carries a Bowie knife and every woman wears a miniskirt. It’s controlled by millionaire bad guy Brad Wesley (Ben Gazzara), who eventually tires of simply exploiting the townfolk and begins blowing up and running monster trucks through their various establishments. Is the Double Deuce next? Not if Dalton’s ability to kick everyone in the county’s ass has anything to do with it. 6:30 pm Sunday, Feb. 3.