Bernie’s kamikaze descent continues.

[February 6th, 2008]

Winners

1Gays, lesbians and same-sex tranny couples regain the right to marriage-lite as federal judge Michael Mosman upholds Oregon’s domestic partnership law (for more, see Queer Window). Break out the Champagne.

2 It’s not often that you can write fan-friendly Brandon Roy and Rasheed “Cut the Check” Wallace in the same sentence. But here goes: Roy last week became the first Trail Blazer to make the NBA All-Star Game since Wallace did it as a Blazer in 2001. Next: Roy tries to get the words “Blazers” and “playoffs” in the same sentence.

3 Good news for aspiring art-history majors. Thanks to a $1 million gift, the Portland Art Museum will offer free admission to kids under 17 , a privilege previously reserved for toddlers. May we suggest a marketing slogan? Less Xbox, more Expressionists.

Losers

1 Portland police are the kind of critics who know what they don’t like when they see it. Those lopsided smiley faces plastered to poles all over town? Hated ’em. So when the fuzz found out Gallery 19 owner Ryan Wendell Birkland was behind the illicit art, they charged him with 31 counts of criminal mischief and threw him in the cage. (The good news? Now that the artist has earned some street cred, his pieces will probably sell.)

2 The safety net isn’t working for 12,000-plus kids in state custody . A damning federal review of Oregon’s foster-care system follows a recent and equally scathing federal review of the state hospitals that “care” for the mentally ill. The message is clear: If you need help, move out of state.

3 That hacking cough you hear is Big Tobacco , afflicted by two pieces of bad news. First, the Oregon Supreme Court backed a $79.5 million judgment against Philip Morris for the family of a smoker who died of lung cancer. And state health officials reported that smoking dropped 22 percent over the past decade. The Score predicts another 20 percent drop when the smoke-stained Virginia Cafe moves into its new (cig-free) digs.

4 Multnomah County Chairman Ted Wheeler looked like Admiral Nimitz accepting the Japanese surrender when Sheriff Bernie Giusto, a perpetual scandal machine, signed over temporary control of the ridiculously mismanaged county jails. Now Wheeler is responsible for Giusto’s mess. Be careful what excellent adventure you wish for, Ted.