Three out of George Carlin’s seven dirty words (Plus asshole) right here. May he R.I.P.

[June 25th, 2008]

• Harder to kill than Freddy Krueger, the long-proposed “headquarters hotel” next to the Oregon Convention Center may be inching closer to reality. Earlier this year, Convention Center owner Metro OK’d $600,000 to develop a firm project budget while telling staff to find another sucker, er, agency to issue construction bonds. Now, Murmurs has learned Metro is talking with the City of Portland, which shitcanned a different version of the HQ hotel only two years ago. “It could work if we broaden the revenue base to include access to the [motel-rental car tax] instead of just relying on hotel revenues,” says the city’s chief administrative officer, Ken Rust.

• Get me rewrite: Since Oregon’s founders wrote the state Constitution in 1857 , much has changed. For instance, Article II, section 9, which disqualifies from public office “every person who shall give, or accept a challenge to fight a duel,” might need tweaking (Randy Leonard might be an exception). Thus this Monday, June 30, a House committee will hold a 10 am hearing in Salem on whether to hold an Oregon Constitutional Convention . Among those testifying: Bureau of Labor and Industries Commish Brad Avakian, who twice introduced bills when he was a lawmaker aimed at updating the state’s most important document. Now, he says Reps. Mitch Greenlick (D-Portland) and Chuck Riley (D-Hillsboro) will try to advance that effort. “It’s a tough political sell,” says Avakian. “But it’s time.”

• Weirdness in St. Johns: Scrappy Sentinel publisher Cornelius Swart got into an email fight recently with BUILDERnews magazine’s Mark Steck. When Steck inquired about the Sentinel’s circulation, Swart replied that internship applications were closed, signing himself “Publisher at Charge…I mean, IN charge....” Steck took offense: “Abortive punctuation use. And that awful signature? Anyway, I don’t give a shit about your applicants, I just wanted to know how much you’ve inflated your circulation numbers.” Replied Swart: “Fuck off asshole (no punctuation needed)…I have a job and you don’t…Get a real job. The world needs plumbers too[.]” Swart tells Murmurs, “I had to defend myself.”

• Fresh advice from Portland’s $6.5 million Office of Neighborhood Involvement: “Never let children under age 10 cross the street alone.” BrainstormNW columnist Dave Lister’s online comment after reading ONI’s zealous safety spiel on wweek.com: “My mother smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish during pregnancy. I chewed lead-based paint off my crib. We walked by ourselves to kindergarten, rode bikes without helmets, and skateboards.... Somehow we turned out OK.” They don’t make fetuses like they used to.

• Do you work a night shift at a local ER? Drive an ambulance in the evening? Work as a bartender? If you work any night shift worth writing about, we’d like to read about it. And we’ll pay! At the end of the summer, our Night Cabbie columnist will be going off duty. And we’re broadening the job description to include anyone with tales to tell about working after dark. Send your best 250-word Night Shift to nightshift@wweek.com, along with your name and email address; we’ll print the best entries. Who knows—you may become our next columnist, motherfucker.

• First plastic bags, now this: This week the U.S. Conference of Mayors passed a resolution to end taxpayer spending on bottled water. In the six months ending in May, the city of Portland spent $8,000 on bottled water—some of it from Mayor Tom Potter’s office. But now Potter stands poised to join at least 60 cities—including Seattle and Vancouver, Wash.—already done with the bottle. Pestered by Murmurs, Potter spokesman John Doussard says, “We are going to cancel our water contract by the end of this week. Although some might contend this is in keeping with the mayor’s environmental record, the city’s faith in the purity of its Bull Run water supply, or Tom’s vigilance in protecting taxpayer dollars, others may surmise it simply reflects Willamette Week’s continuing quest to root out bottled water and its attendant evils wherever [the paper] may find it.”