It’s All About... Hey, lady! What’s in that big-ass bag

[March 18th, 2009]

Purse, handbag, tote…whatever you call it these days, lugging around a bag o’ crap is part of a female’s DNA. Even though it’s a health hazard. You heard me: Big bags jam-packed with crap (weigh yours sometime—you’ll be surprised) have been linked to back, shoulder and neck pain, and even arthritis. Whatever, silly doctor-type people. Ginormous purses are totally cool. But still, it made me wonder: What the hell is in those things? What is so earth-shatteringly important that it simply must be on our person at all times? So, welcome to the first installment of Consumer Whore’s new series: Hey, Lady! What’s in That Big-Ass Bag?

Lady: Rebecca Merrill, 23, painting student at PNCA

Bag: Big-ass BMI canvas tote

Found: Smoking out in front of Yur’s on Northwest 16th Avenue.

Why carry around a big-ass bag? “’Cause I always have to be prepared at any moment—and also to snack at all times.”

BAG CONTENTS

1. Three packs of unopened art markers.
2. Twelve pens
3. One eraser
4. One makeup bag containing: toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, six bobby pins lip gloss. (When asked if it was a sleepover kit, and if so, where was the underwear, Rebecca shrugged and said, “If you’d found me 15 minutes ago they’d be in there, too.”)
5. One package of Mentos Pure Fresh chewing gum
6. One overstuffed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wallet
7. A few overdue bills
8. One note about rent written on a ripped piece of brown paper bag
9. One checkbook
10. Half-eaten bag of carrots
11. One pack of American Spirits and one blue lighter
12. One bus transfer
13. One blond foosball guy (“I found him on the street and have been carrying him around ever since.”)