Wednesday December 26top

Winter Break ZooVenture Camps

Imagine if this event had a TV ad: “Has your 4-year-old got you feeling those postpartum blues again—so much so that you’ve considered offing that child? Well, now you can! That is, you can ship ‘em off to the zoo for a day, where we’ll give them the cold, hard facts such as how 'Some Like It Cold' even when removed from their natural environment and placed in an artificially confined space, much like our happy bi-polar bears. Three of our most torturous activities—including “Stripes, Antlers, Horns and Beaks”—are sold out. But parents, don’t fret: You can still register your kids for a lesson in hypothermia this New Year’s at our 'Polar Bear Plunge.' All it takes is a $500 donation and your signature, and that dip into our captives' pool is yours for the watching." Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon Road., 220-2789. 9 am-noon (half-day), 9 am-4 pm (full-day). 220-2781. Easy. $15-$35.

Monday December 31top

First Run & Walk

Acting much like a diaper, race organizers have sidelined the crap you have to deal with during your First Run by changing the race's course. Last year, the 5K runners overlapped with the walkers (from both the 5K and the 1-mile), making for some unwelcome congestion. So, will the newly separated flow of traffic act as baby powder and make things less irritable? Take a whiff for yourself by ringing in the New Year with nonalcoholic drinks! World Trade Center, 121 SW Salmon St., 10 pm (party), midnight (race). 644-6822. Easy. $20-$25.

Tuesday January 1top

"Real Winter!"

The best comedy of the year will not, in fact, be playing in a theater near you, but don’t let that put a damper on your seasonal affective disorder just yet—at least not until you watch the two trailers for "Real Winter" at getrealwinter.com. Then you can decide whether Mount Bachelor’s “latest advertising campaign” is the best light therapy you’ve ever received or just another shining example of shameful self-promotion. But seriously, any fake film with Pierce Brosnan and Eva Longoria Parker look-alikes on its poster (see for yourself at mtbachelor.com) and that is “Rated A” for “awesome” has got to be a bit of both. Equally as bittersweet: today’s your last chance to ski down Bachelor’s Candy Cane Lane. Insert mock tears here. Mount Bachelor, 3000 SW Century Drive, Bend., 1-800-829-2442. 9 am-4 pm. 1-800-829-2442. Easy. $33-$66 (holiday lift prices).

New Year’s Day Benefit Ride

The Bicycle Transportation Alliance’s annual hangover-recovery ride will be even more sobering this year, as they’ll be accepting donations on behalf of the Brett Jarolimek Memorial Fund–a collection started by the Bike Gallery in honor of Brett Jarolimek. Jarolimek—a cyclist and Bike Gallery employee—was killed back in October in a collision with a garbage truck on North Interstate Avenue. Today’s ride is a short, leisurely loop followed by a “social hour” with snacks and hot drinks at McCall’s Waterfront Restaurant. Proceeds benefit bike safety programs. Meet by the Oregon Battleship Monument in Waterfront Park, Southwest Oak Street and Naito Parkway., 226-0676. Noon. 226-0676. Easy. Free.