Saturday January 12top

A Day with All the Fixin's

Now that going green is, like, so totally in vogue in Hollywood, words such as “sustainable” and “carbon footprint” have finally entered the lexicon of even those who view Entertainment Tonight as a viable source for news. The celebs are out in full force, regurgitating news they read in magazines or saw on Dateline, driving hybrid cars or converting to biodiesel, talking about climate change and trying to do their part to save the environment. In a recently aired radio commercial, it was announced that the Rolling Stones, in an effort to reduce the carbon footprint caused by their never-ending tour, are planting trees to balance environmental harm (that’s a lot of trees, given the amount of smoke billowing from Keith Richards). It’s about time the rest of the country wised up to what Portland seems to have known for a long time; this planet’s covered in filth, and damn near everything we do as American consumers—be it driving to work, eating a cheeseburger or burning Styrofoam—is harmful. Unfortunately, we don’t all have endless finances to make our day-to-day lives ultra-sustainable. In the interest of preserving our planet and our pocketbooks, the city’s Office of Sustainable Development is holding its second annual Fix-It Fair, a free day full of tips and gear aimed at keeping energy costs at bay and creating healthier homes. The fair is packed with exhibitors and workshops offering info on a broad range of topics, including gardening, weatherization, recycling, and water and energy savings. The event also includes free lunch from Burgerville—our beloved purveyor of non-rainforest meats—free energy-saving light bulbs and free childcare, so Mommy and Daddy can go out and save the world while Junior is well protected. Lent School Gymnasium, 5105 SE 97th Ave., 997-7514. 8:30 am-2 pm. All ages. Free. Map

Bridezilla        

The elegance of a woman on her big day is the stuff of fairy-tale dreams. A beautiful bride in glowing white, grinning ear to ear while the bridesmaids wipe tears of joy and relief from their raccoony eyes. Awww. It’s hard to believe this image follows the chaos of wedding planning, when brides often become beasts under the pressures of the big day. There are stories of women fighting over dresses, sometimes using severe psychological warfare to ensure a total stranger doesn’t purchase the same dress. (“That one makes your ass look big,” a relative of mine was rumored to have said to a petite bride eyeing a dress similar to hers.) Bridal shops can become war zones, as ladies-in-waiting vie for the perfect dress and decorations for that perfect day, even if it means behaving in a less-than-perfect manner. Which makes the Portland Bridal Show equal parts amazing and terrifying. There are more than 150 vendors hawking everything a busy bride needs: dresses, flowers, catering services, balloons, even lingerie for an extra-sexy consummation. On the one hand, it’s a perfect place for anyone planning a big wedding to view pretty much everything a beautiful bride could ever want or need. On the other hand, the prospect of thousands of brides-to-be converging on the Convention Center also seems like a hotbed for Bridezilla-esque behavior of epic proportions. Luckily, everybody is united by the fact that they’re just trying to plan a day that is as wholly unique as the bride herself—which could make things a bit sticky. Anyone planning a wedding would do well to come check out the massive selection and savings, and perhaps gamble on a bride-fight in the parking lot afterwards. Because it doesn’t matter if her wedding is two months after yours and in a different county—that bitch was eyeballing your dress. Registration is recommended. portlandbridalshow.com. $8.50. All ages. Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 235-7575. 10:30 am-6:30 pm Saturday, 10:30 am-3:30 pm Sunday. All ages. $8.50. Map

Sunday January 13top

I Smell a Rat

Rats get a bum rap for being completely filthy, diseased and a nuisance. But in the Japanese/Chinese zodiac, the rat is a noble beast whose attributes include leadership, charisma, intelligence and the potential to become a conqueror. Just look at the place mat in your favorite Chinese restaurant and you’ll see that the rat—as well as the cock—is highly revered. In America, we celebrate the New Year with a different sort of rat—namely, human-cyborg hybrid Dick Clark, who leaves his hyperbaric chamber once a year to watch the ball drop. Such dirty, filthy rats aren’t on display for the Japanese New Year. For O-Shogatsu, the Portland Japanese Garden is ringing in the Year of the Rat with a traditional celebration. A family-friendly event and a chance to learn about Japanese culture, O-Shogatsu includes tea, sweets, traditional New Year’s activities for kids, calligraphy and none of the drunken revelry that was on display at the American celebration. You may never look at a rat in the same disgusted way again. Portland Japanese Garden, 611 SW Kingston Ave., 223-1321. Noon-3 pm. All ages. Free for members, $8 adults, $6.25 seniors and students, $5. Map