Thursday February 14top

Minibike Winter V

Last winter, I made a point to bike over and witness (no partaking here, I’m too much of a wuss!) the Zoobombers’ inaugural Ben Hurt Chariot Wars—specifically, the “whiplash” portion—and was not disappointed. To summarize, it’s where a long elastic rope is tied to two hand-welded bike-drawn chariots. Riders then mount up and pedal past one another in opposite directions. The first side to be toppled from its steed loses. Why the recap now? Because Part II of the Chariot Wars takes place this week during the ’Bombers' fifth annual Minibike Winter, along with stencil-ins, an Olympic torch ride, a downhill gravity bike competition, a metal-and-lace fashion show, pantsless dance parties and more carnal fun. , , Free. Easy-Difficult.

Saturday February 16top

Hot Winter Nights

Not much can match the absurdity of trucking in over 200 tons of sand, dumping it into the center of the Rose Garden and cranking up the thermostat so a bunch of bikini-clad ladies and shirtless dudes with six-packs can jump up and down and spike a volleyball on a set akin to the beaches from Lost. You can almost imagine the episode: Hurley finds a volleyball, gets chased by the Others, trips, knocks his head on a rock and dreams he’s volleying for match point against gold-medalist Kerri Walsh in Portland’s AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour while Sade’s “No Ordinary Love” (Walsh’s favorite band, according to her bio) plays in the background. When Hurley comes to, he’s back on the island with a rain-soaked Sawyer standing over him holding the ball and saying something sarcastic like, “Nice find, IHOP—now all’s we need is a net.” Rose Garden, 1401 N Wheeler Ave., 235-8771. 7:30 pm. $18-$65. Easy.

Rotary Run Around

The Rotarians of North Clackamas Sunrise have quite possibly created the most "exhaust–ing" short race (a two-mile run/walk around the Portland International Raceway) ever! Don’t take my word for it, the race description says it all: “a fun ‘race car’-themed event, with green and checkered flags, racecar-driver-suit-looking shirts, and race-car displays.” One can even win a three-hour skid-car lesson. Vroom, vroom! Portland International Raceway, 1940 N Victory Blvd., 823-7223. 9 am. $20. Easy-Moderate.

Tuesday February 19top

ECHO River Guide Schools

So what if summer’s over four months away—any guide school that films its own YouTube spoof of the intro to The Office (go to blog.echotrips.com to see it) is OK in my book and deserves an early mention. ECHO, based out of Hood River, teaches river rats how to raft professionally or recreationally through multi-day camping trips along southern Oregon’s Rogue River and Idaho’s Middle Fork of the Salmon River. In addition to covering technical know-how, like how to read water and maneuver an oar boat, they provide tips on river cooking and camping (a few trips even consist of yoga, wine and live bluegrass!). Still, the best reason to spend your life savings in eight days or less might just be for their river guacamole. River Guide Schools, 116 Oak St. Suite #1, Hood River., 800-652-3246. Trips begin May 17 and run through Sept. 25. $585-$1,995. Easy-Difficult.