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STAGE

Artwank

[IMPROV] Art-related improvised comedy for First Thursday. The Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway., 224-2227. 8:30 pm Thursday, Jan. 7. $5. Map

Boom

A horny journalism student with a curious fainting condition (Brooke Fletcher) answers a Craigslist invitation from a biology researcher (J.R. Wickman) looking for “highly significant coupling.” He lives in an underground lab and watches fish sleep. She hopes she’ll find some solace in no-strings-attached sex. In an alcove behind them, an attendant (Heather Rose Walters) throws switches and pounds a tympani. I’m loath to reveal much more about Peter Sinn Nachtrieb’s apocalyptic comedy—reportedly the most-produced comedy in America this season—other than to say that it is very strange and surprising without feeling contrived, and that it packs a lot of laughs into its 90 minutes. Theatre Vertigo’s production is impressively designed and delightfully performed, an excellent diversion for the days when we all feel a bit trapped by the cold and wet. Wickman, who looks like Paul Giamatti’s sexier younger brother, is the most likable underdog in town at the moment. BEN WATERHOUSE. Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont St., 306-0870. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays. Closes Feb. 6. $15. Map

The Carpetbagger's Children

Profile Theatre continues its season of the works of Horton Foote with the writer's last play, about the daughters of a Union soldier who made a fortune in the post-Civil War South. Jon Kretzu directs. Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont St., 242-0080. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes Feb. 28. $22-$27. Map

ComedySportz

[IMPROV] Fast-paced, competitive, family-friendly improv. ComedySportz, 1963 NW Kearney St., 236-8888. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays. $12. Map

Design for Living

It’s possible for a work of art to be both ahead of its time and hopelessly behind. Noël Coward’s Design for Living was written in 1932 but not performed in London until 1939 because its plot, in which a woman sleeps with an artist (Todd Van Voris), leaves him for his best friend (Michael Mendelson) and eventually joins both men in a three-way, was deemed too racy for British audiences. But for all its open-minded acceptance of polyamory, Design is deeply contemptuous of women. The woman in question, Gilda (played, loudly, by Sarah Lucht in this Jon Kretzu-directed production), represents femininity as a sort of disability. She is driven only by lust and a hunger for a happiness she can’t achieve on her own. But at least she’s witty—the other female characters in the play are dumb as bricks. Where Coward errs, Kretzu compounds. Artists Rep’s take on Design runs over three dreary hours, as the unlikable threesome endlessly defend their sexual proclivities with shouted sarcasm. Van Voris, Mendelson and Lucht, three of the city’s finest comic talents, are the least funny they’ve ever been. BEN WATERHOUSE. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Saturdays, 2 and 7:30 pm Sundays. Closes Feb. 7. $20-$47. Map

The Ed Forman Show, with ME! ED FORMAN!

Aaron Ross terrorizes Dante’s every Tuesday night as Ed Forman, a frenetic, oversexed, foul-mouthed 1970s talk-show host who abuses local notables (this week his guests are Alma Rubenstein of PDX Speed Dating & The Bachelor and Ma’Rollin Monroe of the Rose City Rollers), roams the audience stealing drinks and flinging insults, and generally makes mayhem. Imagine Stephen Colbert as a libidinous sociopath. Ross’ lacerating wit and bottomless energy make for a hilarious evening of great gags and public humiliation. With two guests and a new house band every week (Tiger House), it’s the best entertainment $3 can buy. BEN WATERHOUSE. Dante's, 1 SW 3rd Ave., 226-6630. 9 pm Tuesdays. $3. Map

The Famous Mysterious Actor Show

Portland's totally dada comedy talk show, hosted by a hyperactive man-child in a lucha libre mask, is now running the first Wednesday of every month at Curious Comedy. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., curiouscomedy.org. 9 pm Wednesday. $10. Map

The Gentle People

[FERTILE GROUND] Play After Play presents a new children's piece by Melanya Helene and Marc Otto, based on a legend from Patagonia. The Brooklyn Bay, 1825 SE Franklin St., Bay K., 775-4005. 10 am Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes Feb. 14. $7. Map

Giggle, Giggle, Quack

The wacky animals from last year's Click, Clack, Moo are back as Oregon Children's Theatre's menagerie takes bubble baths, eats pizzas and watches movies in animal costumes. Newmark Theatre, Portland Center for the Performing Arts, 1111 SW Broadway., 228-9571. 2 and 5 pm Jan. 30 and Feb. 6, 2 pm Jan. 31, Feb. 13-14 and 20-21. $13-$24. Map

Girls! Girls! Girls!

[IMPROV] An all-women cast performs short-form comedy. The Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway., 224-2227. 8 pm Saturdays through Feb 27. No show Feb. 13. $7-$10. Map

Hamlet

There are few better examples of the importance of editors than Hamlet, the Greatest Play in English, a full production of which runs a terrifying four to five hours. This staging, produced by CoHo and actor Chris Murray, who also edited and stars in the show, rings in at a brisk 150 minutes with all parts played by five actors. I can hear purists gasping as I write, but lemme tell you—you don’t lose much. A lot of dick jokes, mostly. Murray’s version, directed by Kristan Seemel, sticks to the facts of the story: There has been a murder, there is a ghost, and more killing is inevitable. Murray subscribes to the belief that Hamlet is not a madman, but an asshole, and he plays it well, punctuating his obnoxious remarks with a humorless chuckle that would be infuriating in any other context. The four actors who round out the cast (Brittany Burch, Victor Mack, Gary Norman and Valerie Stevens) are similarly adept (Norman makes a particularly good Polonius and Burch a particularly good gravedigger), and the multicasting is only intrusive in the one scene when Burch plays both Ophelia and Laertes. It’s a brooding, passionate Hamlet, passing on philosophy in favor of intrigue and badass swordplay. There’s no thesis to the production beyond Murray really, really wanting to do Hamlet—and that’s the only excusable reason for doing Hamlet at all. BEN WATERHOUSE. The CoHo Theatre, 2257 NW Raleigh St., 205-0715. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes Feb. 20. $20-$25. Map

Little One-Inch

Tears of Joy Puppet Theatre's latest is about a very, very small boy who sets sail to save Japan from an ogre. Winningstad Theatre, Portland Center for Performing Arts, 1111 SW Broadway., 248-0557. 7:30 pm Friday, Feb. 5, 11 am Saturdays, 2 and 4 pm Sundays. Closes Feb. 14. $14-$16. Map

Little Shop of Horrors

Tin Pan Alley’s dinner-and-a-show presentation of Little Shop of Horrors just wants you to have a good time. The actors pour your coffee and offer you seconds in between belting out Howard Ashman and Alan Menken’s rock and roll/doo-wop score. Or at least they try. Little Shop, inspired by the 1960 film by Roger Corman, has catchy songs and a lot of wit, but it takes the right actors who know how to deliver the sardonic one-liners and patter lyrics. Most of the performers are too timid to commit to the camp the show requires, though David Ruben does the best all-around performance as Seymour, an adorably dorky florist who nurtures a plant by feeding it blood. Jessica Tidd, who plays his ditzy sweetheart, Audrey, belts impressively but has a shaky upper register. Most disappointing are the three Doo-Wop urchins, who serve as the story’s narrators and chorus, who have major pitch problems. All “Little Shop” wants is to entertain you, but at 48 bucks for average performances and sticky chicken, it’s reaching. ALI ROTHSCHILD. Ambridge Event Center, 1333 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 1-800-966-8865. 7 pm Feb. 5, 12, 13, 20. $48, dinner included. Map

MarkofMystery

[MAGIC] Close-up sleight of hand and mentalism with MarkofMystery. Jake's Grill, 611 SW 10th Ave., 241-2125. 6-9 pm Fridays. Free. Map

Next of Skin

An elderly writer of smut forces his children to try their hands at literary porn in this comedy by Jake Gott, produced by Third Eye Theatre. To the randiest go the spoils! The Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 970-8874. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays. Closes Feb. 13. $10-$12. Map

Open Court

Curious Comedy invites the audience to take the stage for Whose Line Is It Anyway?-style team comedy games. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., curiouscomedy.org. 8 pm Thursdays. $5. Map

Pinocchio

NW Children's Theatre premieres a steampunk take on the classic children's story, adapted by Milo Mowery. Gepetto's mechanical lad strives to become a real boy. NW Neighborhood Cultural Center, 1819 NW Everett St., 222-4480. 7 pm Fridays, 2 and 7 pm Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes Feb. 21. $13-$22. Map

The Receptionist

Portland Center Stage remounts Adam Bock’s dark comedy about office politics of the truly frightening sort, which Rose Riordan directed last year at CoHo. Sharonlee McLean (who won a Drammy for her performance) and Laura Faye Smith reprise their roles. The remount is exactly the same as the CoHo production except for the addition of Chris Harder and Robert M. Thomas in place of Chris Murray and Gary Norman and the comfier seating. What I wrote about that production still stands: “Bock has a uncommon facility for capturing the way people really speak, in leaps and spurts and nonverbal noises. His realist dialogue and the ordinariness of his workplace settings lead audiences to believe they’re watching a funny but unremarkable quotidian comedy. The gut punch of depravity, when it comes, is wholly unexpected. The modern office is an ideal place to address the banality of evil." McLean has her role, as the titular receptionist, nailed. She switching in and out of her telephone voice in midsentence and flips her head mic up and down like a defensive visor. She juggles calls and conversation and coffee-making and advice-giving. She’s magnificent. The costumes, designed by Riordan, are brilliant, down to the details of ill-fitting blouses and misadjusted collars. It’s all perfectly ordinary, and exceedingly menacing. See this show! BEN WATERHOUSE. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays, noon Thursdays, alternating 2 pm Saturday and 7:30 pm Sunday matinees. Closes March 21. $24-$45, $20 day-of-show rush tickets available. Map

Rocket Man

The debut of BaseRoots Theatre Company, established to “provide a sanctuary for artists of color,” Rocket Man is written and produced by Bobby Bermea, who also stars. The show, in which an astronaut (Bermea) is torn his desire to stay with his wife (Andrea White) and daughter (Lauren Steele) and his need to be in space. It’s written in the style of classic ’60s science fiction, and could indeed have come right out of the pages of Amazing Stories, had those stories ever included people of color. The Elton John song of the same name figures prominently in the script; Steele, who has a very nice singing voice but speaks too fast, opens the first scene with an a cappella rendition, another cover plays during curtain call, and Bermea at one point actually says, “Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise a kid. In fact, it’s cold as hell.” This is just as enjoyable as it sounds. BEN WATERHOUSE. Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center, 5340 N Interstate Ave., 205-0715. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays. Closes Feb. 27. $15. $3 of Thursday ticket sales go to Haiti. Map

Snow Falling on Cedars

David Guterson’s novel about the postwar murder trial of a Japanese-American fisherman on a small, fictional island in the Puget Sound is required reading in Washington state high schools, and for good reason: It’s a masterfully constructed book that expands from the courtroom drama into the state’s legacy of racism, the effect of weather on psychology, the spread of mass psychosis within a population, the sorrows of war and the role of the press as a moderating force. Nothing in the book is extraneous, from the geography of San Piedro Island to the family histories of its inhabitants, and all that makes it a difficult work to adapt. Scott Hicks’ 1999 film ran two hours and ignored the plot in favor of atmosphere; Kevin McKeon’s stage version takes the opposite approach in only slightly more time, faithfully cramming in every single plot point at the expense of poetry. Guterson’s story wanders across 15 years and three continents in solving its central mystery, and as a result this Chris Coleman-directed production at Portland Center Stage feels like a performance of The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged) without a sense of humor. The actors leap back and forth in time and place with such haste that they have no choice but to shout their lines at speed, leaving themselves and the viewer short of breath. Only Jayne Taini gets a chance to settle into a scene, as the murdered man’s smugly racist mother. This is not to say that the production is a bad one; it’s not the director’s fault the novel is so resistant to staging, and PCS’s designers created some truly beautiful scenery and sounds in their attempt. There are moments when music, lights and scene come together, for a moment, with commendable grace—a wedding; a drowning; an internment—but then it’s back to the shouting. BEN WATERHOUSE. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays, noon Thursdays, alternating 2 pm Saturday and 7:30 pm Sunday matinees. Closes Feb. 7. $30.50-$65, $15 under 18. $20 rush tickets available. Map

Spider's Web

Lakewood Theatre Co. gets mysterious with Agatha Christie's bloody comedy about a murdered foreign office diplomat, a secret passageway and a web of lies. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego., 635-3901. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays; 7 pm Sundays Jan. 17, 24 & 31; 2 pm Sundays, Jan. 24 and Feb. 7, 14 & 21. $24-$26. Map

Stefanefit

[HAITI/ACROBAT RELIEF] The many students of acrobat Stefan Furst come together to raise funds to pay for the medical bills their mentor incurred after a windsurfing accident. Furst, ever generous, is going to donate much of the proceeds right back—to Haiti earthquake relief efforts. The performance will feature "hand balancing, aerial dance, juggling, martial arts and a four-armed drum monster." Echo Theater, 1515 SE 37th Ave., 231-1232. 4 pm Sunday, Feb. 7. $7-$15 suggested donation. Map

Theatresports

Live competitive improv games from the Brody ensemble. The Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway., 224-2227. 8 pm Fridays, 10 pm Saturdays. $7-$10. Map

Tropical Punch

Spring 4th Productions premieres a new company work: An accounts manager who returns from a tropical vacation finds his life has been appropriated. Music by Patrick Cleburne. Shoe Box Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 477-8245. 7:30 pm Thursdays and Sundays. Closes Feb. 7. $10-$12. Map

Twelve Angry Men

New Century Players mounts Reginald Rose's jury-room drama. The Ainsworth House, 19130 Lot Whitcomb Drive, Oregon City., 367-2620. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 3 pm Sundays. Closes Feb. 14. $10-$20. Map

Who Stole My Dead Husband?

The evidently immortal dinner-theater mystery is back. And this time? It's on a boat, motherfuckers. Portland Spirit, Southwest Front and Salmon streets., 224-3900. 7 pm Fridays. Closes March 26. $75, dinner included. Map

Willow Jade

An awkward loser learns the hard way that you can't go home again in this world premiere by Hunt Holman at Portland Playhouse. Doug (Patrick Oury) returns to the miserable rural Washington town of his youth after a failed attempt to make it as a “professional role-playing game facilitator” in Seattle. He finds his mother, Sondra (K.B. Mercer), has rented out his apartment to a middle-aged alcoholic (Ben Plont) and his young companion, Willow Jade (Jazzi Mason), who may be fugitives from justice. Doug settles in for a game of Dungeons and Dragons with his high-school pals Lance (JJ Johnston), a hopeless slacker, and Steve (Matthew Dieckman), a real-estate agent. Everything goes fine until the cops and orcs show up. The cast is mostly excellent, newcomer Johnston (nailing a post-grunge Wayne Campbell) and the always reliable Plont especially so. Plont is usually cast for his extraordinary comic timing, but here he gets to pair his knack for the absurd with some real despair. His hilarious second-act drinking binge is the show’s most moving scene. Don’t sit in the front row if you like your clothes.   BEN WATERHOUSE. Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 205-0715. 8 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and Monday, Feb. 8, 2 pm Sunday, Feb. 14. Closes Feb. 14. $10-$19. Map

CLASSICAL

Anton Kuerti

Portland Piano International brings the much-lauded and -recorded Austrian-Canadian pianist to play an all-Beethoven program, including the famed Appassionata and Les Adieux sonatas and the majestic Diabelli Variations. Newmark Theatre, Portland Center for the Performing Arts, 1111 SW Broadway., 228-1388. 4 pm Sunday, Feb. 7. $54. Map

Oregon Symphony

Guest conductor Pietari Inkinen leads the band in music of his homeland: Sibelius’ Symphony No. 2 (which the composer’s Finnish compatriots adopted as a kind of nationalist anthem), plus Wagner’s Siegfried Idyll and Sergey Prokofiev’s 1917 Violin Concerto No. 1. The latter is little old-fashioned-sounding compared with some of the composer's more provocative works of the time, but still a modern near-masterwork, featuring award-winning Canadian soloist Karen Gomyo. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway., 228-1353. 7:30 pm Saturday-Sunday, 8 pm Monday, Feb. 6-8. $15-$100. Map

Portland Camerata

In what sounds like a wonderfully imaginative program, the early-music choir has framed a passel of many short pieces of Renaissance music (by Claudio Monteverdi, Thomas Tallis, Orlando di Lasso and Thomas Morley) with a kind of storyline involving the daily activities of a hapless music master, including his laments about noisy neighbors, healthy foods and other troubles, then continuing with songs appropriate to his church work, poetry and thoughts of love. The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th Ave., 246-4744. 8 pm Saturday, Feb. 6. $8-$12. Map

Portland Opera: Così Fan Tutte

Mozart’s frothy 1790 Così Fan Tutte roughly translates to "all women are like that," but this production emphasizes the subtitle: The School for Lovers. Like a Shakespearean comedy, the comic surface plot, detailing the misadventures of two insecure would-be bridegrooms who test their intendeds’ faithfulness, barely conceals some sharp, still-relevant social satire and, perhaps, even a proto-feminist attitude. Stage director Elise Sandell says this Portland Opera production (originally from Santa Fe Opera) is set in 1950s postwar Italy, a pre-irony era whose superficial innocence makes the double deception almost plausible, not to mention providing design cues from Roman Holiday and La Dolce Vita and similar period artifacts. Maybe this will be the operatic equivalent of Far From Heaven, with the cheery surface not quite concealing some tough truths. Portland fave Angela Niederloh and sopranos Christine Brandes and Lauren Skuce star along with tenors Ryan Macpherson and Robert Orth and baritone Keith Phares, with Mozart’s ever-sparkling music conducted by New York City Opera music director George Manahan. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 241-1802. 7:30 pm Friday, Feb. 5; 2 pm Sunday, Feb. 7; 7:30 pm Thursday and Saturday, Feb. 11 and 13. $20-$135. Map

Quadraphonnes, Medler Septet

Some of Portland’s top jazzers populate these ensembles, with the all-women sax quartet covering everything from Monk to Piazzolla, and the Medler seven mixing Latin jazz and originals. Jimmy Mak's, 221 NW 10th Ave., 295-6542. 8 pm Saturday, Feb. 6. $12. Map

St. James Bach Choir

The impressive series continues with J.S. Bach’s Cantata 126 (featuring trumpets, oboes and strings) and another new work, Timothy Nickel’s motet “My Grace is Sufficient.” St. James Lutheran Church, 1315 SW Park Ave., 227-2439. 5 pm Sunday, Feb. 7. Donation. Map

Ying Quartet

Friends of Chamber Music brings still another acclaimed foursome, this one in residence at the Eastman School of Music, in two completely different programs. Monday’s show features one of Haydn’s landmark Op. 33 quartets, Samuel Barber’s only quartet (the most famous slow movement in American music) and Dvorak’s popular “American” Quartet. Tuesday’s all-Beethoven concert includes early (Op. 18, No. 3), middle (Op. 59, No. 3) and late (Op. 131) quartets. First Baptist Church, 909 SW 11th Ave., 7:30 pm Monday, Feb. 8. 7:30 pm Tuesday, Feb. 9, at Kaul Auditorium, 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd. $14-$40. Map

DANCE

Art Party

Jenny Hoyston of Erase Errata fame and local art director and illustrator Sarah Gottesdiener never really liked having to skip around town to different venues to check out bands, art and dance, so they’re launching “Art Party,” a new monthly mishmash of all of the above. The inaugural party kicks off with a DJ set from Yeti mag’s Mike McGonigal, a performance from local drummer Tara Jane ONeil with Marisa Anderson, Melanie Valera a.k.a. Tender Forever will show videos, and PNCA MFA candidate Allison Halter debuts Get Me Bodied, which apparently involves filling up “the space with humans and movement.” KELLY CLARKE. Branx, 320 SE 2nd Ave., 234-5683. 9 pm Friday, Feb. 5. This event takes place the first Friday of every month throughout 2010. $5. Map

Bruno Beltrão/Grupo de Rua

Up-and-coming Rio de Janeiro-based dancemaker Bruno Beltrão brings a sharp new vision of hip-hop to town, one that deconstructs street dance and patches it back together with everything from contemporary modern movement and classical music to the simple soundtrack of squeaking sneakers on a dance floor. His new 50-minute work, H3, features his lightning-quick all-guy group which streaks across the floor—jumping, spinning and sliding and one-upping one another—in ways we’re just beginning to catch on to. KELLY CLARKE. Bison Building, 419 NE 10th Ave., 8 pm Wednesday-Saturday, 2 pm Sunday Feb. 3-7. Friday, Feb. 5 show SOLD OUT. $26, $16 students. Tickets through Ticketmaster or at whitebird.org. Map

Disability Pride Art and Culture Festival Youth Dance

Portland’s Disability Pride Art and Culture Festival is looking for all kinds of dancers, ages 14-21, to perform at the fourth annual festival April 22-24. The group meets every Tuesday to rehearse at the brand-new artists space Zoomtopia. Organizer Kathy Coleman stresses that everybody is welcome.   For info or to sign up contact Kathy Coleman at 238-0723 or email disabilityartculture@gmail.com. KELLY CLARKE. Zoomtopia, 810 SE Belmont St., zoomtopia.com. 6 pm Tuesdays through May 18. $5-$10 sliding scale. Map

Sinferno Cabaret

A fiery combo of striptease, jugglers, magicians and, yes, fire dancers, doused with a bit of classic rock-’n’-roll sleaze. Because, c’mon, it’s Dante’s. Dante's, 1 SW 3rd Ave., 226-6630. 8:30 pm Sundays. $7. 21+. Map

Stefanefit

Portland’s acrobatic community comes together for a spinning, juggling, backflipping, contorting benefit for “former Austrian National Team sport acrobat” Stefan Furst. Furst, who has trained a number of performers at Do Jump! and local gymnastics organizations, was injured in a windsurfing accident and can’t work. Benefit organizer (and ninja band Fist of Dishonor frontwoman) Tera Nova Zarra says the community just wants to give back to a man who has helped them all so much. Expect performances from aerialists Night Flight, fire dancer Shireen Press, juggler Curtis Carlyle and Brittany Walsh (think handstands and bow and arrows) and a slew of Do Jump!-ers, among others. But the giving doesn’t stop at Furst—the Vienna-born acrobat will in turn give part of the proceeds raised for his medical bills to Haiti relief. KELLY CLARKE. Echo Theater, 1515 SE 37th Ave., 231-1232. 4 pm Sunday, Feb. 7. $7-$15 suggested donation. All ages. Info and videos of performers at terazarra.com. Map