BEST TRI-MET DRIVER
BEST GARBAGE MAN
BEST DIVE BARTENDER
BEST LIMO DRIVER
BEST ROYAL RESIDENT
BEST ROCK 'N' ROLL BARBER
BEST HOST AT A TIKI BAR
BEST ORTHODOX RABBI TO HANG OUT WITH
BEST SPORT
BEST REAL-LIFE HORATIO ALGER STORY
BEST-NATURED MAN IN UNIFORM
 

Best Tri-Met Driver
If you think your bus ride is long, you won't get any sympathy from the folks on the #58. It may be called the Sunset "Express," but in rush hour, it can still take 90 rump-numbing minutes to go the 27 miles from downtown Portland to Forest Grove. On the days when it's bumper-to-bumper from the Vista Bridge tunnel to Murray Boulevard, Bob Foster offers some relief. Foster, a 17-year veteran of the Tri-Met staff, entertains riders with his acoustic tour of suburban sights. "Thirrrrd Avenue!" he booms, his voice dipping more severely than the road. "Access to Main Street in beautiful Hillsboro." The next stop: "Second Avenue. McDonald's, A-Boy, Bonkers Burgers." The pony-tailed coachman with a rebellious beard bids every passenger adieu with an enthusiastic "Good evening" and almost always gets a "Thank you" in return.

Best Garbage Man
As parents of toddlers know, anyone who can temporarily distract and amuse your child is worth his or her weight in aluminum. Children in the Brooklyn neighborhood not only wait to see the garbage truck come and pick up the cans, they wait for Chuck Ferris. He always takes time to joke and play with kids, while going the extra mile with garbage--occasionally helping you drag the emptied cans back to your door.

Best Dive Bartender
Juggling booze, beer, Keno receipts and video poker while dancing toe-to-toe with drunken humanity is a Herculean task. Amber Walters of the Sandy Hut has it down to a science. "I know what they drink and how fast they drink it," she says.

"Amber's pouring one drink while serving another and thinking about the next," says Danny McCurry, a carpenter and regular fixture at the Sandy Hut (1430 NE Sandy Blvd.). For now, the Sandy Hut is Walters' home. "Everybody kind of looks out for everybody around here," she says. "It's like having a party at home."

Best Limo Driver
Whether in a town car, taxicab or Tri-Met bus, silence or small talk is the norm; one doesn't expect to hear a life story along the lines of The Odyssey, which is what you might get if you strike up a conversation with Iranian Pierre Karimi (Horizon Town Car, 330-7500). A former member of the Shah's army, Karimi was jailed for 11 years under the Ayatollah Khomeini. He managed to escape and eventually sneaked into a neighboring country with his 14-year-old son. There, he obtained a fake passport and made his way to Western Europe, where a Farsi-speaking American official (whom Karimi hasn't been able to reach since) arranged for visas for him and his son, as well as for his wife and two daughters, who were still in Iran. When Karimi told him that he was from the mountainous and forested north of Iran, the man suggested that he should settle in Oregon--which he did, 10 years ago. Catch a ride with him the next time you're stressed out about your busy schedule, and be reminded that you could have it a lot worse.

Best Royal Resident
Anne Rice fans and Dracula lovers alike will take ghoulish pleasure in learning that there really is a Princess of Transylvania, and she lives in Northwest Portland. Really. Her name is Morayma M. Makay, and her story is anything but a fairy tale. Her father, Prince Laszlo Makay, heir to two ancient titles--Prince of Transylvania and Duke of Csanad--lost everything during the communist takeover of Hungary in the 1950s. So, instead of growing up in a castle, Morayma went to high school in Santa Monica, then attended the University of Portland. Like most twentysomethings, the struggling princess has college loans to pay off and lofty dreams for the future. She is pursuing a career as an actress and is currently working as a fashion model.

Best Rock 'n' Roll Barber
What does a rock 'n' roll barber do on his vacation? He's a roadie. Fred Landeen just got back from a two-week trip with local band the Blackouts, whose three members all get their hair cut by Landeen at Interstate Barber Shop (5135 N Interstate St., 289-4104). Other bands who have sported rock 'n' roll 'dos by Landeen include Elmer, Bomf, the Silver Kings, Detestation, the Procrastinators, Hardship, Satan's Pilgrims, the Flapjacks, God Hates Computers, Jr. High, the Hard Liquors, the Dickel Brothers, the Spider Babies, Coos Bay City Rollers, Jr. Samples and the Queers. His rates are good ($9 for a regular cut, $11 for styles, including flattops), and although his motto is "Make long hair short, make short hair shorter," he'll do spikes and pompadours, too.

Best Host at a Tiki Bar
As soon as you enter the Jasmine Tree (401 SW Harrison St.), you'll feel comforted by the dark cave-like lighting and the tiki theme. Enhancing the experience is host Jimmy Chan, always ready with a joke, a smile and a drink. Without hounding you, he makes sure you are enjoying his establishment. In other words, he knows that some days after talking to co-workers, roommates and that crazy woman who sat next to you on the bus, you need a little peace and quiet.

Best Orthodox Rabbi to Hang Out With
You may be surprised to learn that Portland, of all places, is home to some of the most personable and beloved rabbis around. Every Jewish person we spoke with had a favorite, but as far as Orthodox rabbis go, Rabbi Leonard Oppenheimer of Congregation Kesser Israel is truly a standout. With a jolly sparkle in his eye and a warm welcome for all newcomers to his congregation or home, Oppenheimer reaches even the most wandering of Jews. His sermons, though steeped in tradition, are surprisingly contemporary; listeners walk away with plenty of juice for negotiating life's challenges.

Best Sport
Eight-year-old Ben Ballentine is the sort of kid who doesn't seek out attention. Unfortunately, as the alleged victim of the same gunman accused of killing Portland Police Officer Thomas Layton Jeffries, he can't seem to get away from it. Not only have Ben and his family been hounded by television news stations since he was shot last July, they even had to move out of town when they began receiving threatening phone calls. But after three operations, Ben's hanging tough. He's even managed to do something most boys his age can only dream about--he pitched in a professional baseball game. On June 16, to the cheers of hundreds of fans, Ben threw out the first pitch of the Portland Rockies' '98 season. It was the first live baseball game Ben had ever seen, but his dad, William Ballentine, says Ben is hooked. Could Portland have seen the first glimpses of a future star?

The Ballentine family still needs money to pay surgeons to remove a 14-inch-long, 3-inch-wide scar from Ben's stomach. A trust fund has been established at US Bank for that purpose.

Best Real-Life Horatio Alger Story
When the early '80s recession struck 15 years ago, Steven Flemming (771-2952) went from a good union job in a grocery store to living with the in-laws. The potentially loathsome arrangement turned out to be fortuitous; his father-in-law, a mechanical whiz, taught Flemming how to repair laundry appliances. Flemming began buying, repairing and reselling washers and dryers (for $150-$200) out of his truck until he saved enough money for a down payment on a house. His secret is to buy ailing appliances that are older but stronger than most new machines, equipped with steel parts rather than plastic. He also recycles--using the same tub of water (piped from washer to washer) throughout the day. Flemming estimates he's sold 8,000 machines so far and credits his success to high volume and low prices.

Best-Natured Man in Uniform
If you've ever ventured into the US Bank at Southwest Morrison Street and 12th Avenue, you've probably met the security guard, R.L. Evans. For the past six months, his charm has made using the ATM a pleasure. Evans' "have a nice day now" is always sincere, and his smile reaches far back into his eyes. The easy-going gentleman is a family man with five children in Nebraska (where he is originally from) and a sixth here in Portland. He began working security six years ago when he retired from his trucking business.