Laffs for Fun
Sometimes, even the most dedicated gutterscraper must forget
nightly grit-eating and focus on issues vast and terrible.
Thus, this week Subcommandante Malt departs from the usual
barside blow-by-blow to examine a crisis of grave concern
to all Children of the Night.
I speak, of course, of Miller High Life.
Thank Gawd for Miller's new ad campaign--you know, those
so-referential spots starring deviled-egg-eating slobs.
Cynical marketing though it may be, it beats the Champagne
of Beers' old Wieden & Kennedy "anti-marketing" swiz
to hell. At least these new spots acknowledge the terrible
Truth about Miller High Life.
High Life was my grandparents' beer of choice--not that
they ever drank any. They just served it to their Portuguese
mechanic. Therefore, I've always thought of High Life as
a beer for those who break their backs loading trucks. A
beer for that guy chewing pavement with a jackhammer. That's
how it used to be. If this "rebranding" works, it can be
again. Still, however, there are some problems in Highlifeland.
A while back in Memphis, I came upon a sizeable stash of
this signature beer of the Union-made world. Experience
had me expecting the exquisite pasteurized American beer
of old, served ice-cold in a manly bottle, with a refreshing
aftertaste. Instead I got some marketing genius' career
screw-up. This was as bad as New Coke. Three strikes in
a row!
The Bottle: Unnaturally smooth and tapered like
a wine cooler. What kind of self-respecting two-fisted American
male wants to be seen in public drinking a wine cooler?
These hamburger-eating heart attack candidates are the Miller
High Life Nation! The bottle has got to go.
NOTE: A weak grip could lead to the demise of this wormy
container.
The Label: Slips off when the bottle gets wet. Keep
water away or you might find yourself wrist-deep in sticky
labels. This makes the beer useless in ice-cooler situations--not
a good summer/beach brew.
NOTE: On the upside, these labels make very good temporary
tattoos.
The Taste: Some beers taste, uh, okay half-warm.
This one does not. Keep it deep in the recesses of your
fridge. If you have access to liquid nitrogen, use it. Trust
me.
NOTE: This not a sorority sister's smooth-drinking delight.
My advice to Miller is this: Stick with what you know.
To generations of Americans, Miller High Life stands for
smoky late-night card games, Saturday afternoon football
on a black-and-white TV and pigs-in-a-blanket fresh from
the oven. Don't try to change tradition. Reinforce it. Make
people proud that they're alive and drinking. Adopt the
slogan Still Living the High Life. I know that's
exactly how fine beer makes me feel.
Laffz 4 fun
The Great Scott
"Intermixing humor
and magic, the Great Scott moves adroitly from one flagrantly
impossible trick to
the next." Just like your mom!
Harvey's Comedy Club
436 NW 6th Ave.,
241-0338
8 pm Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday,
8 and 10:30 pm Friday, 6:30, 9 and 11:30 pm Saturday, July
26-30
$8-$10
ComedySportz
Oh so funny!
1963 NW Kearney St., 236-8888
9 pm Friday, 7:30 and 9:30 pm Saturday,
July 28-29
$10, $9 with a can
of food for the
Oregon Food Bank
Original Comedy Acts
Featuring Art Krug
Jimmy Mak's
300 NW 10th Ave.,
295-6542
9 pm Monday, July 31
$3
52nd Avenue Sports Bar
NE 52nd Ave. & Sandy Blvd.,
288-03139 pm Tuesday, Aug. 1
$3
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