Scooter
McQuade's
1321
SW Washington St., 248-0460
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But never you mind that goofy headline. We have a deathly
serious topic to discuss. I speak, naturally, of Jell-O
shots. Oh, come now, don't pooh-pooh the topic. We,
the explorers of all things alcoholic (with the exception
of that cruel liver-tease, isopropyl rubbing alcohol), must
venture forth with intrepidity and daring. Fruit-flavored
goodness awaits the brave ones who risk being called a cheese-brained
geek with all the taste and maturity of a high school sophomore.
My friend and I, however--secure in our immaturity--feel
no shame in our weekly sojourns at Scooter McQuade's,
the affable quasi-Irish bar located downtown within spitting
distance from I-405. The sandwich board outside repeatedly
tries to pimp Jell-O shots on us. "Jell-O shots?" we initially
muttered. "Aren't those for bottle-blonde bimbettes with
archetypal sorority names like Ashley, Brandy or Claire?
Gimmicky treats for Young Republican coeds all aflush over
Daddy's success playing the market in Reagan's '80s America?
Saccharine silliness for people too scared to ingest real
drinks? Ha!"
But we finally relented. Hell, why not?
Why not, indeed. Once a choice is made from Scooter's list
of flavors (including such favorites as wild strawberry,
watermelon and grape), the small "shot glasses"--curiously
resembling the medication containers used at your local
senior convalescent center--of coagulated liquid appear
at the table post-haste. A red plastic drink stirrer, snipped
in half, stands like a flagpole in the center. Remove the
utensil and use it to separate the gelatin from the container's
plastic walls. Then dump the whole wiggly deal down your
throat as you would an oyster. Simple.
Of course, while oysters have their own alleged aphrodisiac
qualities, with Jell-O shots you have to rely on the alcohol
in them. Scooter's claims each one has three-fourths of
an ounce of rum in it--which, at $1.50 a shot, evens out
to a decent three bucks for a full 1.5 ounces of alcohol.
Obviously, if you want to get Buffy liquored up, there are
faster ways. But the silliness--and almost sexual shiver
of the gelatin slipping across your tongue--helps compensate.
Plus, you can go back to work after lunch with a small
buzz and no one's gonna chastise you: "Is that artificial
grape-flavored gelatin on your breath?"
But the deeper question is this: Are Jell-O shots the next
fad? Will they ride in on the coattails of the retro '80s
revival, miniature molds jiggling behind the bar at Polly
Esther's, beckoning Taras and Tiffanys with their playful,
seemingly naive allure? Or is this just a strange neon dream?
They've been spotted elsewhere--like Brandy's and
the Twilight Cafe--but have yet to storm upon the
mass consciousness. So don't hold your breath just yet.
But if Duran Duran can make a comeback, perhaps anything
can happen.
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