Scooter
McQuades
1321
SW Washington St.,
248-4060
GENTLE READERS,
Now, there are more than a few out there who might call
Miss Dish a little gullible, but more often than not most
recognize the First Lady of Grubbing as the sort with a
finely tuned bullshit detector. So, it was somewhat of a
surprise to many of Miss Dish's colleagues that she was
almost taken.
You might blame the beer. Miss Dish had already downed
a few when she found herself one recent evening at the quaint
pub and cafe known as Scooter McQuades. While waiting
for a grilled cheese sandwich and a Jell-O shot, she began
reading the menu. There are many tales to be told in a simple
menu, this much Miss Dish knew. On the back of a yellow
two-folded mimeographed food list was a story titled "The
History of the Coney Island." It read thus:
In the early 1900s, certain German immigrants settling
in New York City opened shops and pubs to sell the tasty
foods of their native country. One of these immigrants was
young Heimlich Becken and his pretty wife, Gretchen. Gretchen
was from a hardy stock of German restaurateurs, and with
many family recipes and their culinary talents, their shop
quickly became one of the most popular restaurants. Although
folklore has it that Gretchen actually created the "coney"
as we know it (a claim we cannot substantiate), it is suggested
that Gretchen's coney recipe was the taste that skyrocketed
the concoction to the fame that eventually named the entertainment
park "Coney Island." This family secret was never marketed
but was instead passed down to the Becken children; most
recently to a certain daughter, Debbie.
With a focus on breaking Mrs. Debbie Boone of her probably
long-held belief in the history of her family's sauce, Miss
Dish assembled all the journalistic squeeze techniques in
her back pocket.
Miss Dish ordered the controversial Coney dog, an enchilada-looking
footlong red hot on an open bun and smothered in a sweetish
red sauce studded with ground beef. A layer of melted cheese
tucked the link into its bed. Good stuff. Debbie came out
of the kitchen and Miss Dish confronted her. "So what year
was Gretchen, this Coney creator, born?" Miss Dish asked.
Debbie Boone broke down immediately with a hearty giggle.
"Oh, my husband made that all up. He's very creative," she
confessed.
Hmmm. How very post-modern. Let's create our culinary histories
to fit our needs, shall we? It's so Matrix meets
Dickens!
Turns out Debbie, born and raised in Astoria, has never
been to New York. A couple of bartenders who had lived in
Gotham helped her taste-test a few recipes she culled from
reading chili books. The strangest ingredient? Apple vinegar.
Ah, virtual reality--it can bite.
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