Acid King, High on
Fire, Men of Porn, Bottom
Satyricon
125 NW 6th Ave., 243-2380
10 pm Saturday, July 22
$8
Don Henley
Rose Garden Arena
1401 N Wheeler Ave., 224-4400
8 pm Sunday,
July 23
$40.50-$60.50 advance (Ticketmaster)
A dark specter approaches Portland, a gray-feathered Eagle
coasting in on a wheezing updraft, its claws clutching for
unwary victims. Don Henley is coming to town.
No doubt his kingdom of fans will duly assemble...maybe
smoke a little shake beforehand, just for old times' sake...catch
dapper Don's mellow vibe...remember those crazy days of
hot tubbing and est....
Couldn't be more bland, right? Well--don't believe it!
Yeah, sure, ex-Eagles like Henley and Glenn Frey may look
like third-rate stockbrokers these days, but there was a
time when they flew the freak flag of their true darkness
with pride. Recall the Satanic, souls-check-in-but-they-don't-check-out
implications of "Hotel California." Or the instant-stalker-just-add-coke
voyeurism of Henley's "Boys of Summer," with its chorus
of "I can see you/ your brown skin shining in the sun...."
"Peaceful Easy Feeling," our ass!
Now the sinister power Henley and company set in motion
spreads onward, worming its way into the musty corners of
pop culture and inculcating stray youth into the ways of
the Evil One.
This exclusive Willamette Week investigation reveals
a shocking secret link between Henley's legacy of filth
and another show invading Portland this week.
On Friday, three outfits from Frank Kozik's riled-up rock
label, Man's Ruin--Acid King, High on Fire and The Men of
Porn--invade Satyricon like a gang of Harley-straddling
hellions; a survey of their ultrafuzz/superscuzz sludge
metal uncovers unsettling similarities between these so-called
"stoner- rock" bands and the Hateful Wizard himself, Don
Henley! Strange, but true!
These bands, while infinitely louder and lewder, have merely
mutated into new incarnations of the scruffy, rural-California-trash
aesthetic the Eagles unleashed on the world. Do you think
it coincidence the Men of Porn have a song called "Double
Don"? Never! Check out the disturbing similarities between
the devilish Henley and the three Man's Ruin bands that
do their Master's bidding this week. Read on and tremble:
Song titles that are pure Evil:
The Eagles: "Journey of the Sorcerer"
High on Fire: "Blood From Zion"
Don Henley: "Building the Perfect Beast"
Men of Porn: "Ballad of the Bulldyke"
The Eagles: "Take the Devil"
Acid King: "Evil Satan"
On embracing the Sword
of Darkness:
"In the master's chambers, they gathered for the feast/
They stab it with their steely knives/ But they just can't
kill the beast...."
--The Eagles, "Hotel California"
"Head on down to the woodside/ With your knife and your
mind/ Look right down at the table/ Carve the Five, carve
the Five!"
--Acid King, "Carve the Five"
On Woman, the destroyer of Man:
"No woman ever do what you do/ High on a pleasure wheel/
No devil ever cast a voodoo/ so long and dark and real..."
--The Eagles, "Chug All Night"
"And you crawled in the room with the serpent/ And they
sucked from your body the poison/ Then the Cyclops arrived
there to warn you/ and the Whore entered in to adore you..."
--High on Fire, "Last"
Songs about violence!
The Eagles: "The Disco Strangler"
High on Fire: "Master of Fists"
Kinky sex songs!
The Eagles: "Pretty Maids All
in a Row"
Men of Porn: "Teabaggin'"
Non-DMV-approved driving songs!
Don Henley: "Drivin' With Your Eyes Closed"
Acid King: "Drive Fast, Take Chances"
And finally, lest you are not yet convinced, the undeniable
visual evidence:
Scope out a photo of the Eagles from their mid-'70s prime:
scraggles of facial hair, cocaine-stained eyes, prospector
hats, a leer for every guileless blonde in Mendocino.
The Horror!
Now look at High on Fire: the rough mustaches, the Trans-Am
boy-bangs...you think it's irony? Yes, it'll be pretty damn
ironic when things go wrong during your ditchweed buy in
the stadium parking lot and High On Fire drops the Thor
Hammer on your dome! You have been warned!
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