Lilith
Fair
http://www.lilithfair.com/
Civic Stadium 1844 SW Morrison St., 224-4400
2 pm Sunday, July 11
$32-$42.50
See HeadOut for a list of performers.
Last year, $17,879 in Lilith proceeds went to Portland's Bradley-Angle
House, which helps victims of domestic abuse.
The Rev. Jerry Falwell's newspaper, the National Liberty
Journal, recently decried Lilith Fair for promoting the
"pagan" legend of Lilith. According to this myth, Eve's predecessor,
Lilith, got drop-kicked out of Paradise because she wouldn't
kowtow to Adam. As a service to our readers, WW presents
the lost verses of this bad girl.
The
Book of LILITH
chapter
3
And so it was that Sarah M., daughter of LILITH, prayed
at the feet of the sacrificial TINKY WINKY and became empowered.
The LORD appeared and said unto Sarah that she must rock
to lead the Queendom. But I do not rock, said Sarah. The
LORD said, Then thou shalt sing the sweetest of ballads.
You shall sing of lost covenants and the anger of Man in
dulcet tones. Thine singing will spawn a sea of tears. Thou
shalt beget many others, who shall sing such songs
and create such tears, and together you will make an ocean.
Thou shalt bring your disciples together to festive grounds,
and thou shalt wear the uniform of tiny tank tops
and many bands of ink and silver.
2 Sarah thanked the LORD and prepared.
3 After some time, the LORD came to Sarah and praised
her work and devotion. The LORD said, Sarah, thou art wise.
You have brought many followers to the Queendom. I want
you once again to create a summer festival where women praise
LILITH while wearing the sacred Bioré strips. For
after three times, your job will be done.
4 Sarah had made many transformations since her
first meeting with the LORD. Before she spoke to the LORD,
she wore long hippie curls and skirts made of sacks.
The LORD had commanded her to streak her hair and go with
a closer-cropped 'do. The LORD commanded Sarah and she obeyed.
The LORD also commanded Sarah to release many live
recordings into the marketplace. But Sarah protested: LORD,
these recordings seem excessive. These recordings will spread
the word, said the LORD.
5 Sarah worked very hard on the festival
for the city of PORTLAND. Sarah beckoned Sheryl Crow, she
of the large teeth and ever-present image, to stand
beside her on stage. The LORD told Sarah that while many
songs off Sheryl's first record were quite bothersome, the
disciples would receive her new rocking sound with grace.
Sarah asked Liz Phair into the lineup to test the will of
the audience. Said the LORD, If the disciples run screaming
from the pit of Sixpence None the Richer into the arms of
Liz Phair, we will know that our mission has not been for
naught. Build a fire for Liz, for hers is brighter than
the suspicious talent of Bijou Philips. The LORD reminded
Sarah that Liz coaxes beautifully crooked hymns from her
bitter guitar, but the Mamas and the Papas begat Wilson
Phillips and also Bijou Phillips, and this last spawn is
not kosher.
6 The LORD then asked Sarah to provide an oracle,
and Sarah searched far and wide. She returned to the LORD
with Sandra Bernhard. The LORD asked Sandra if she would
vow to protect the covenant, and Sandra said, Eat
me, and she began singing songs of Motown. The LORD chuckled
and considered removing the Plague from Sandra's career.
The LORD asked that Luscious Jackson, the group that followed
Moses out of Egypt and into New York City, prepare the disciples
for dance. The LORD warned all disciples of LILITH
that no "Dead" dancing would be tolerated and those caught
disobeying would go in exile to Mount Tabor. Sarah agreed.
The LORD also presented his plan to secure the wisest of
followers by setting Beth Orton on a small stage. Beth Orton,
blessed with a voice begat by Chan Marshall begat by Carole
King, would lure the chosen with her wistful cries.
7 The LORD commanded that it be so, and so it was.
8 The LORD was pleased with Sarah's devotion
but asked more of her. Sayeth the LORD, Just as last year
you acquired gifts of charity for those less fortunate in
the Queendom, so will you this time also give away one dollar
per ticket. But beware the serpentlike service charge. It
is done, said Sarah, I will give to the Breast Care Fund
and other national organizations. I will also give to a
local charity.
9 And the LORD smiled upon the Queendom and planneth
many VH-1 specials. And LILITH saw that it was done, and
it was good.
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Willamette Week | originally
published July 7, 1999
|
