|
Gallows
Humor
On page 25 of the most recent edition of the Portland Police
Association newspaper is a how-to guide to hanging somebody.
A new law-enforcement tactic, perhaps? Something that new
Chief Mark Kroeker brought with him from the Los Angeles
Police Department?
No, it's just Loren Christensen--who edits the paper The
Rap Sheet for the Portland officers union--trying, he
says, to inform his readers.
The article, titled "Execution by hanging: the procedure,"
provides graphic detail on how to oil the gallows, set the
trap door, install the noose and "tightly bind" the person
being killed. It concludes with the words "The executee
shall be placed in a body bag for removal."
The article's deadpan tone and total lack of context for
its instructions, combined with a light-hearted sub-headline--"How
to proceed on the big day"--suggest that Christensen might
have published the article for laughs.
That's how Dan Handelman, of the grassroots police-accountability
group Copwatch, took it. "Loren has a weird sense of humor,
so I'm really not sure we should read much more into it,"
says Handelman, who has been reading Christensen's work
for years. "I just think he's fascinated by that kind of
thing and he thinks it's sort of funny. That's freedom of
speech, I guess."
Handelman notes, however, that The Rap Sheet goes
out to rank-and-file officers, and he questions the idea
of printing an article that "makes light of death or how
to kill citizens."
Christensen insists it was not some sick joke.
"Why put it in there? Just to inform people about what that
practice is. They used to hang in Oregon--in fact, they
used to hang in the Multnomah County Courthouse," says the
retired officer. "Every once in a while I just put in stuff
about executions, and you can take it how you want. I really
had no ulterior motive."
--Nick Budnick
Over
the Hemp
SLUNG? No problem.
SQSH ME? Sure.
KIDZ CM? Okay.
But OR HEMP? No way.
The panel that reviews personalized license plate applications
for the Department of Motor Vehicles is, by necessity, full
of sick minds. The seven-member group gets more than 200
applications for vanity plates every year and must scrutinize
each one for content that is offensive or relating to drugs
or alcohol.
Last November, Melissa Finn, 25, applied for an OR HEMP
plate. Finn runs a part-time business, Stem and Rempy's,
out of her Portland home, selling nutritional hemp seeds
and oil. She wanted her vanity plates to make a statement.
"I'm doing it for educational reasons," says Finn. "American
farmers should have the right to grow this plant."
Finn notes that products she sells have nothing to do with
drugs. Industrial hemp is legal in 29 other countries, she
says, and is more environmentally friendly than using trees
or cotton for paper and textiles. Yet this country's drug
paranoia makes it illegal to grow.
The DMV, however, wasn't moved by her argument.
The panel twice voted unanimously to deny Finn's request,
based on the dictionary definition of hemp, which includes
marijuana.
Under Oregon statute, the panel also rejects applications
that could be alarming, threatening, offensive or misleading
to a reasonable person. FATASS was recently rejected, for
example, as was PUCKU.
Not all the decisions are so easy, however.
Take KIDZ CM. When gently guided to a possible lowbrow
meaning of this recently approved plate, Kevin Beckstrom,
spokesman for the DMV, responded to WW via e-mail.
"One of the challenges the review panel faces is to figure
out what they may be trying to say or how it may be interpreted,"
he wrote. "In this example, CM could be 'see 'em' or an
abbreviation or someone's initials. It could be the pedophilic
crassness you refer to. This might be one for the panel
to reconsider."
As for Finn, she's asked Multnomah County Circuit Court
to review her request but isn't sure whether the court has
any authority in the matter.
--Patty Wentz
No
more turning
the other cheek...
Daniel Lee and Michael Carr are weekend warriors of a different
sort. A landscape gardener and an office worker during the
week, the two men spend their free time preaching fire and
brimstone to the crowds at the Rose Quarter, Waterfront
Park and Pioneer Courthouse Square.
Like a lot of roving evangelists, they've had run-ins with
the law. Lee was arrested last July when cops claimed his
preaching interfered with a sand sculpture exhibit in Pioneer
Square. Carr was forbidden to wear a sandwich board bearing
a religious message during the Rose Festival because, local
officials told him, it was a fire hazard and could be used
as a weapon.
City officials say they're just enforcing a local ordinance
governing free speech, but the two men say they follow a
higher law. "I believe this is something the Bible requires
me to do," says Lee, "so I'm out there to please the Lord."
This week they'll take their crusade to District Court.
In a lawsuit to be filed Thursday, Lee, Carr and two other
street preachers argue that the city is infringing on their
constitutional right to save souls on public property.
The lawsuit claims that the four men have been subject
to a consistent pattern of harassment, exclusion from city
property and arrest in violation of their rights to free
speech and free exercise of religion.
This isn't the first time the city's efforts to contain
proselytizing have gotten it into trouble. In a 1996 civil
case, Rohman vs. City of Portland, Judge Ancer Haggerty
held that the ordinance allowing the city to exclude a street
preacher from Pioneer Square violated the First Amendment;
the judge permanently enjoined the city from enforcing it.
The city, however, hasn't amended its policy. In November
1999, Judge Henry Kantor dismissed the July charges against
Lee and blasted the city for failing to come up with a constitutionally
sound free-speech ordinance in the years since the Rohman
decision.
Mayoral aide Elisa Dozono denies there is a significant
free speech problem. If there was, she told WW, "we
would have heard about it."
The preachers' attorney, Spencer Neal, says his clients
have repeatedly approached city officials by letter and
phone in an attempt to settle the disputes amicably. The
city, however, "only responds to legal action and then complains
about it," he says. "The time for weaseling is over."
--Rachel Graham
Art for the
Saké of Art
PICA pulled out all the stops Sunday night for its gala
to inaugurate its new galleries in the labyrinthine halls
of Wieden & Kennedy's new offices. The contemporary
arts group persuaded Pearl District stores Full Upright
Position and Cargo to donate pillows and chairs to create
a Moroccan den in one part of the room and clublike conversation
areas in others. The Art of Catering, meanwhile, passed
hors d'oeuvres best described as conceptual: saké
salads in shot glasses filled with rice noodles and Thai
basil, Asian tacos of baked wontons, and ahi tuna and caviar
on silver spoons.
Photographer Paul Rich had been there three nights in a
row chronicling the parties (board members Friday, big-time
donors Saturday, and anyone who sprung for a ticket Sunday)
and said the festivities were getting more lively with each
passing night. Donna Drummond was blown away by the turnout.
"Having toiled at PCVA [the now-defunct Portland Center
for Visual Arts]," she said, "to get this many people here
on a Sunday night, it's amazing." What about the fact that
the party, at $50 to $75 a head, is beyond the reach of
many people? "There's a sense of entitlement that people
have when it comes to the arts," Drummond says, "but an
organization like PICA can't afford to throw its doors open
every time."
--Michaela Lowthian
Murmurs
SCUTTLEBUTT
WITH AN EDGE
Who's Out:
Murmurs hears that Eric Mason's
days are numbered at KOIN-TV. And, no, the Salem-based investigative
reporter is not jumping ship to KPAM radio.
Who's In:
Last seen in these pages as Bev Stein's
"Steven Seagal boy toy," Edward Campbell got a haircut
and traded up from his job as Stein's communications director.
On April 3, he'll sign on as staff assistant to City Commissioner
Dan Saltzman.
It looks like Margaret Carter won't have a free
ride after all. Carter, who spent 14 years in the state
House, is running for wacky Thomas Wilde's North-by-Northeast
Portland Senate seat. Wilde has promised he won't run. Last
week, Evie Crowell announced she would also be running
on the Democratic ticket. Crowell, a librarian at Portland
State University, served on the Portland School Board in
the late 1970s and is a member of the Multnomah County Library
Advisory Board and the county Juvenile Service Committee.
She's running, she says, because she fears Carter will be
preoccupied with saving the Urban League, where she's serving
as interim director.
A word of caution to Secretary of State Wannabe Lynn
Lundquist: You'll want to keep your political jabs against
rival Lynn Snodgrass strictly verbal. When asked
about the newly chiseled muscles on display at the recent
Tom McCall Forum, aides to the Speaker confirmed that she's
been working out for the past few months.
Tri-Met survived Y2K without a hitch but apparently
couldn't handle leap year. A WW staffer validated
her Max ticket at Lloyd Center the morning of Feb. 29, and
it came out with March 1 stamped on it.
Gov. John Kitzhaber says it's too early. He's vetoed
an invitation to this weekend's Republican-fest at Seaside,
otherwise known as the Dorchester Conference, to debate
Bill Sizemore on the merits of Sizemore's federal-tax
deduction initiative. The initiative hasn't even qualified
for the ballot yet. The real question is, will the Republicans
debate it? If it passes, GOP lawmakers are going to be stuck
with a retroactive budget cut of $1 billion.
In other newsprint...
ABC's John Stossel,
who got his stuttering start with KGW-TV, has drawn a lot
of attention with his quarterly prime-time specials on greed,
regulation and fear. His contrarian anti-government views
win raves with the Republican and libertarian crowds, but,
as the March issue of Brill's Content reports, reporting
errors make him an easy target for critics. Ralph Nader
called him "the most dishonest mass-media journalist that
I have ever encountered."
Katherine Dunn's prose
graces the pages of this week's Sunday New York Times
Magazine as she weighs in
on female boxing.
Lauderdalization is spreading. Bespectacled Pink Martini
master Thomas Lauderdale popped up with China
Forbes in an ad for l.a. Eyeworks in the March issue
of Paper magazine. No diaper, though.
.
Last
Kvetch Call
This is the last week for you to complain, grouse,
piss and moan--and have a chance for your gripes to be made
public. WW is gearing up for its annual Kvetchfest
and is looking for your local pet peeves. Here are some
guidelines:
* Complaints should be specific to the Portland area. (We
don't care how people drive in Jersey.)
* Keep your bitchin' to 50 words or less.
* The deadline is March 8.
* Send e-mail to kvetch@wweek.com,
go postal at Kvetch, 822 SW 10th Ave., Portland, OR, 97205,
or fax us at 243-1115.
* If we publish your entry we'll send you a $5 coupon for
Pasta Veloce.
P.S. Last year's Kvetches and readers' responses are available
online: Kvetchfest
'99.
Corrections
In our Feb. 9 Murmurs, we incorrectly identified Washington,
D.C., Metropolitan Police Assistant Chief Ronald Monroe, a
finalist for the chief's job here, as having recently resigned
from the force. Actually, it was former assistant chief Rodney
Monroe who resigned (but returned a week later). WW
regrets the error.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Willamette Week | originally
published March 1,
2000
|
