I recently stumbled upon a new buzzword in the most unlikely of places. It was on that televised kaffeeklatsch, The View, when the word of the day was "heteroflexible."

I, like any queen who has been weaned on endless hours of The Mike Douglas Show, absolutely adore daytime television. Rosie, Passions and KATU's "weather-on-the-hour" all make the world a better place. But I don't expect to actually learn much from the tube--especially about gay sex.

Imagine my surprise to hear mouthy members of Baba Wawa's love-fest tribe chime in on a term that has never, ever crossed my homoquisitive lips. Feeling like the odd man out(ed), I did what any self-respecting gay man would do. I surfed the Internet. After a quick search at Dogpile.com--my personal fave--I found an informative essay at Salon.com by lesbian-at-large Laurie Essig.

According to Essig--who claims to have come across the word while teaching college students--"heteroflexibility is the newest permutation of sexual identity. A person uses heteroflexibility in the first person, as in 'I'm heteroflexible.' This means that the person has or intends to have a primarily heterosexual lifestyle, with a primary sexual and emotional attachment to someone of the opposite sex. But that person remains open to sexual encounters and even relationships with persons of the same sex. It is a rejection of bisexuality since the inevitable question that comes up in bisexuality is one of preference, and the preference of the heteroflexible is quite clear."

Translated into gay speak, the average heteroflexible person gets to have their piece of cake--and eat it out, too.

Essig further defines the heteroflexible's opposite as being "heterorigid." For us fags, she uses "homoflexible" and "homorigid." While most QW readers know by now that I fall into the very last grouping, I thought it would be fun to ask some local celebs where they might land on the flex-o-matic meter--and exactly who it would take to get them to switch teams.

Bruce Porter (Red Star restaurant hottie): "At the risk of being typecast as a rigid homosexual--although that's the best kind of homosexual to have in situations of an intimate nature--I would have to classify myself as homoflexible, also a very popular choice when intimate situations arise. At my age, 40, one has to be flexible. If I were to be intimate with only one celebrity of the opposite sex, it would, sadly, be that oh-so-overworked choice of Madonna. She's a kindred spirit and she knows how to party."

Aspen (Lesbian Community Project activist/performer): "You've reached a household of homorigids here. Been there, done that with heterosexuality. Not interested. But isn't it interesting how many different ways we can find to think of our sexuality?"

Kevin Cook (a.k.a. Poison Waters): "Definitely homoflexible! I'm gay (love men!), Poison is straight (loves men!), but I certainly have had my head turned (both of them) by beautiful and intelligent women. Poison has thought about becoming a lesbian--but nothing to report as of yet. In exercising my homoflexibility, I would consider Salma Hayek, Gwyneth Paltrow and [Will & Grace's] Sean Hayes--who can't possibly be considered a member of the male gender."

Robin Rosenberg (Crowsenberg Half & Half den mamma): "I'm a queer hag for the g/l/b/t community. I guess that would make me heteroflexible. The lady I would most likely want to make out with on a desert island is circa 1960s Gena Rowlands."

Howie Baggadonutz (promoter/ arts administrator): "More personal questions. This is all too, too much. Briefly though, I'm going to say homoflexible. I've had sex with women in the distant past and I think I'm a lil' homophobic at this point in my life. If I had to have a star fuck, it would be with Rosie Perez. I think she would laugh a lot and fuck hard!"