In Out in All Directions: The Almanac of Gay and Lesbian America, you'll find an entire section devoted to how gay folk build "community."

This section takes fragmented segments of homo culture and subdivides them into several easy-to-chew chunks by exploring such concepts as feminist men's music and where to find a good lesbian and gay synagogue. It's a mouthful. But I didn't choke on it until I got to the part that describes the stages of gay and lesbian relationships.

For your enjoyment, I now present the Almanac's coupling theories for the g/l crowd--plus my insightful commentary.

STAGES OF GAY MALE RELATIONSHIPS:

Blending: Falling in love and high sexual activity. Friends? Who needs 'em. I'm in loooove!

Nesting: Homemaking, ambivalence. Finally, a marriage that's like the 'rents'.

Maintaining: Reappearance of the individual and establishing traditions. The non-monogamous years, where conversation/fights often begin with, "Yes, that barista is cute, but he's also 17."

Building: Collaboration and establishing independence. Get that poster of Marky Mark off the wall, and get those weird plants of yours out of the house.

Releasing: Trusting, merging of money and possessions, constricting and taking each other for granted. Goddamnit! You can go fuck yourself if you think I'm going to pay for that leather harness/pec implant/penis piercing!

Renewing: Achieving security, restoring the partnership and remembering. Honey, stop worrying about whether you're old and fat and help me find my life-insurance policy!

STAGES OF LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS:

Prerelationship: The "getting to know you" or "dating" stage. Wow! I like dogs, too!

Romance: A feeling of oneness, of being completely understood and appreciated. Also, lots of sex. And lots of cuddling.

Conflict: Disappointment that the other isn't perfect and doesn't have enough time. Too bad Anne and Ellen couldn't ride this one out.

Acceptance: Stability, contentment and self-awareness. In other words, size 16 jeans, cutting each other's hair and going to bed by 9 pm sharp.

Commitment: Responsibility for choices made about the relationship, recognition of separate needs and belief in the partner's trustworthiness. Size 18 jeans, less cuddling and absolutely no sex.