Seen a Rogue on the loose? Get in touch with our Roguemeister: JOHN SCHRAG jschrag@wweek.com (503) 243-2122 FAX: (503) 243-1115 If it were up to WW readers, Regal Cinemas would have landed in this column a long time ago. Ever since the Knoxville, Tenn.-based chain took over Act III Theaters in 1998, the switchboard here at Rogue Central has been lit up like a Vegas nightscape. We've heard complaints about the $2 ticket hike, the disappearance of $3 Monday cheap nights, the jacked-up prices for popcorn and soda, the sticky floors, the dirty bathrooms and the annoying Theater Radio Network. Until now, we've been willing to write off this mischief as part of the overall decline in the service industry, but a recent infliction on local cinephiles confirms that Regal deserves the title of Rogue. If you've seen a movie in the last three weeks, you know where we're heading: Regal's mock-Western "policy trailer" starring Hallie Kate Eisenberg--that little brat from the Pepsi commercials--stomping into a saloon and lecturing the audience in a deep, gravelly voice. You can just picture the room full of creative-marketing consultants rubbing their hands with glee: Yes--a little girl with a big, mean cowboy voice. Oh, how cute! How hilarious! The people will love this! In fact, Regal spokesman Dick Westerling claims that the policy trailer, which is now showing on more than 4,000 screens nationwide, has met with an "overwhelmingly positive response" on the part of movie patrons. We don't know what planet those patrons come from. The trailer is not funny. It's a two-minute insult to intelligence, pure distilled celluloid torture, a plug-infested attack on everything that's good and true in this world. Worse, Regal sneaks it in between the previews and the show, so you can't escape it by arriving late. The only redeeming feature to this addition to the "Regal experience" is that it has provoked Portland audiences into booing, which offers a glimmer of hope for the future of our nation, especially in the face of the disheartening box-office success of films like Mission: Impossible 2.