Seen a Rogue on the loose? Get in touch with our Roguemeister: JOHN SCHRAG jschrag@wweek.com (503) 243-2122 FAX: (503) 243-1115 Read the complete "Rules of Bedroom Golf" When it comes to prudish backstabbing and sanctimonious politicking, it's hard to top this week's Rogue, Washington County Commissioner Kim Katsion. Katsion, who represents Beaverton, made headlines last week when she complained about a humorous e-mail sent from the computer of Washington County Sheriff Jim Spinden. The e-mail, titled "The Rules of Bedroom Golf," went to 22 recipients, including Katsion. The page-long message suggests 15 analogies between making par and making whoopee. Upon receiving the e-mail on Sept. 27, Katsion saddled up her high horse and proceeded to ride roughshod. First, she complained to county counsel Dan Olsen, who, in turn, launched an investigation and suggested Spinden take a week off without pay. (The sheriff politely declined.) She then went after Spinden in public. "It's a violation of everything the board of County Commissioners has been trying to do in the last few years, which is to set an example that we are a harassment-free work environment," she told The Oregonian. "We will not tolerate sexually explicit messages." Katsion's comments distort reality. Though the e-mail is implicitly about sex, its tone is advisory rather than derogatory. Rule 2, for example, might have been drafted by the dean of students at Antioch College: "Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole." Rule 10 similarly discourages aggression: "Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled...." And who can argue with the tact urged in Rule 8: "Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played on...to the owner of the course being played." OK, so the jokes are sexual. Spinden clearly made a mistake, but in our view, Katsion's overreaction is an even greater transgression. If she was offended, or worried that other recipients were offended, she should have done what grown-ups do: talk to the offending person. If she had, Spinden says he would have told her that while he has no memory of sending her the e-mail, it was wrong and he apologizes. Katsion, who has clashed with Spinden in the past, won't talk further about the e-mail until an investigation ends, but she confirmed that she went to Olsen without first talking to Spinden. As for the sheriff, he says if there's harassment afoot, he's the victim. "I'm feeling like they're blackmailing me a little bit," Spinden says. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Willamette Week | originally published December 8, 1999

 

The Rules of Bedroom Golf: 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play--normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole. 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played on or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason. 9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case. 10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played on for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course. 11. Players should not assume a course is in shape to play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. 12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine. 13. Slow play is encouraged; however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request. 14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match. 15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player. **Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.