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WINNERS
1. Another victory for the
oxygen fascists: Smoking is now illegal in all businesses
in Multnomah County except bars, taverns, truck stops, smoke
shops, bingo halls and racetracks. At least you can still
bet on the ponies while you gamble with your health.
2. A new fix may be in the cards for local gambling
addicts. Itching for a piece of that Indian casino action,
the State Lottery Commission wants to install slot machines
in Oregon's bars and taverns.
3. Amazon-loving Salem lesbians got an adrenaline
shot from an Oregonian headline--"Stronger, taller
dike planned for west Keizer." (Regrettably, readers discovered
that the story concerned a Willamette River flood control
project rather than some hot new talent.)
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LOSERS
1. The excitement continues for Oregon's prison
guards. In Yamhill County last week, three inmates walked
away from a work crew to relieve themselves and never returned,
making a grand total of 23 escapees in the past year. This
comes on the heels of a tear gas explosion at the state
pen that caused the evacuation of 500 inmates and a chow-line
brawl that involved 100 hungry convicts.
2. Brian Bea, owner of the illegal McMansion in
the Columbia Gorge, tried to evade regulators by painting
his house brown instead of moving it (as a judge had ordered).
Hey Brian: Next time, why not try a Romulan Cloaking Device?
3. So much for the theory that a rising tide
lifts all boats. New figures from the state health department
show that Oregon suicides hit a record high in 1998, climbing
to 569, or 17.4 per 100,000 people, during one of the longest
waves of economic expansion in state history.
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